Love 4e1!!

4e1 christmas party!!

Totally enjoyable.. It’s hard to believe we were actually separated from each other, FOR MORE THAN A YEAR!!

Thinking bout this just made me feels sad. Though we didnt change much, there is still some minor changes here and there. E.g. Jia Ying is not so vulgar anymore.. Sobs..

We are still childish, but.. We seems to go through more things, our lives seems to complicate, we talk without that line…

Isn’t this good? There’s no misunderstanding.. We are so straightforward and no longer offend each other. We know each other well….

We dont have to fake.. We just ourselves. We are 4e1:)

Drunk at home on Christmas Eve

Well, i am drunk. Just ignore the shit on this post. HAHAHA.

I am sad, sort of…

Cause my brother died on 24 dec… His heartbeat… His life ends.. Like the countdown for christmas.

And, we no longer celebrate christmas. How great?

I would miss him… Why must he… Die on this day!?!?!!

Every christmas, it’s hard, not to think of him.

I would miss him, like crazy. His is someone i always wanted, but yet i didnt appreciated? I want him, since i was born. All i wanted was a brother that could take care of me? But yet, i didnt know, i didnt love, i didnt knowledge who he is…

That gave me a everlasting regret. Really…

Why? Why must i do that?

Why must he die so early? He is the link, but when he dies, everything’s gone. Why? Why!?!?!?

He is a good person… Someone who loved me, knew who i am… Knew that i actually like dogs, made me liked dogs. Made me love cycling… Is that part of our genes? Our code? Our similarity that runs in our blood?

But now.. Everything's lost!!! Nothing is left!!!

U cant possiblilty bring back the dead.

He is cool. He has tatoos, he has nipple rings, he cycles, he rocks!!!!

He is my brother….. Rite?

But, he is no longer there. It took me too long.

Our relationship is not exactly simple. Right? Complicated family… Nothing’s normal for us.

I miss him.. What if i go visit him now? What will i say? What will he say? Will he hate me? What would he tell me? What does he feels bout me? Does he think i am a daughter of a bitch?

He witness too much. He blamed dad, partially? Or what? Does he understand?

Drunk…

PREVIEW OF CHRISTMAS

Yeap.. I am actually blogging again!! Muahahahahaah!!

Crazy bitch’s talking, ranting, cursing.

Couple’s Retreat!!! IS NICCEEE!!!

Please watch this with yr partners.

Well, sad singles like me will watch with other bitches. HHAAHA.

Went in to burberry before the movie, my choice no. 2 wallet, is damn ugly, unlike how it look like on the web. It’s like glossy and all that shit. GRRR… Shall get their watch instead huh?

 

UGLY… Cause of the patent material.. GRRR.

This is nice!! I love leather!! $680:(

Black damn nice!!

Hmm… Christmas’s approaching. HAHAHA. So.. As friends, you guys/ girls can actually share and buy me the watch and… HAHAHA

GIVE IT TO ME!!!

I will be damn touched!! haha. And love u guys to the max!!!

Buy this!!! $448 only!! U damn rich rite? Buy for me!! MUAHAHAAHA

This is like, $1373!?!?!? HAHA. DREAM WATCH!!

I rmb how how used to hate watches? like it gave me rash at the wrist and all that shit. But i love them now!! LOL. HAHA. Nids to love my wrist. HAHA.

And i got this new tattoo yesterday!!! NEAR WCP!!

People might think i am crazy, going West Coast Park so frequently.. Cause i am trying to practice!! LOL.

I did forward crossover!!! :)::):):):):):)

It’s like.. damn shiok? get the momentum and yes!! I did crossover. But only to the right.

And!!!

Let’s end this with some emo stuff.. HAHA.

*START OF EMO TOPIC*

Every Christmas, maybe, like since 2004? I would feel sad as Christmas approaches? Why? It’s been over for so long? Like 5 years? Like, that part of the memory is always so vivid, yet, it’s stuck in there. And there seems to be a clock, that controls my emotions to feel sad at this period of the year?

I am not thinking bout it. I don’t see the images, i didn’t think of it. But the sadness is there…

I do feel lonely, sometimes.. I’ve got friends and families, and hanging out with them? But, it just feel empty, I don’t know what i want, i don’t know what to do.

So this is life huh? The purpose of life? The creation of life? So that aimless people like me, will just live, shit, work, play..

I feel like i am getting rebellious, sort of? Though i am way past that age and phase.. Shit, what’s happening to me?

*END OF EMO TOPIC*

--> –> –> –> –> End of post!! HHAHAHAHA

when we start creating memories.

when we know each other so well.

when things changes. (to more adult)

hahaha

:)
Loving my poly friends:)

Five words to describe each of them: Innocent, sarcastic, short, high pitch:)

The sixth word is me--------> Cute!!!

Hahahaha. so true.

uploading pics soon:)

They are beautiful. With the 4 beautys.. And our fav place…

TFinally can skate!!!!

like i skipped two of my lessons liao? wtf…

miss it!!! Imagining myself skating is way easier than the real skating. hahaha. imagining is better,  dont cause my body to die or feel tired. hahaha.

There are a crazy bunch of sick ass in my class. sick sick

lol

“This is the first time i ever laugh becuase i am happy and not because it’s funny.”

i miss my grandma

miss her?

maybe..

It’s better to forget the dead sometimes. well, they are dead, missing them does not make a diff rite?

She is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Just like 4 or 3 mths ago?

But it seems that no one’s missing her in this family. Like it’s over? Over? and nth?

once granny died, and that’s it to all the kinship? why?

people organise pathetic gatherings every year. just for her sake. Then now? now that she has passed away, is there no point to gather anymore? What about my wedding in eons of years to come? Who will be there?

Few of those relative, they just want money? one of my aunt used to be super kind? despite the fact that she is not so well off, she dont mind treating people, being generous. and now, she fell out with the rest just for the meagre 10k? pathetic. Isn’t it?

what will happen during chinese new year in 2010? just me and parents? staring at boring tv shows. Maybe we would even skip the spring cleaning part. or.. we would just go holiday and spend my new year in malaysia?

why?

death has so much power. death keeps secrets untold forever, sealing secrets from life. No one will ever knew what happened. The truth is lost forever.

does crying for the dead help? I used to cry myself to sleep every night after D died in 2005. It was tragic. Tragic. he was pinned under a bus. Beyond recognition, swollen, and blood all over. Saddening.

It’s a pity, dying before i acknowledge the truth, and accepting it.

The voice. Grandma’s, it’s getting softer and rather inaccurate, it just doesn’t sound like her anymore. I am forgetting … how grandma’s voice sounds like. like a radio, inaccurate frequency, and lowering the volume. And… maybe i would forget what grandma’s voice is like anymore. In living memory, that’s what people says… but our memory.. they just disappear. And slowly.. you forget how it used to be, how it feels like before.

In living failed memory, we will rmb the dead.

I am suspecting i am dyslexic, when making my diaries, i didn’t know that i got my alpha N is inverted. I always spell babies as badies. and me, a left hander.

Finally blogging

Omg!!!

it’s been like 3 of 4 mths?

hahahaha.

My crazy poly life.. yeah..

at least it’s better than cramming 8 subject worth of knowledge during ‘O’s.

And some weird guy ask for my no. in the library the other time?

weird?

my type is like outdoor and sporty kind?

Then he have like uh… gross stuff on his face( unshaven). And totally off…

crazy poly life. Hahahaaha.

and.. one more news..

my cousin from malaysia is coming here to work!! dot expect much. he only have a SPM cert. he will be working at my dad’s warehouse if everything goes well.

haha. well.. hope it goes well. Maybe we would have like dinner tgt, like a extra family member. He is like the brother i yearned and once had. Good character, takes care of siblings. Sets a good(bad) example.

It used to be like that for us.. Like bro and sis. H would come down to grand’s hse everytime we visit malaysia. Then things changed, H start taking part time job after school, now, full time job and we never had sleepovers tgt anymore. It’s just with the rest of the cousins now, like his siblings and other cousins. Maybe.. S will soon take after his footsteps? and history repeats? and grandma hse wont be so lively any more..

Just me, grandma and mum.

When kids becomes teenagers. When teenagers becomes adults.

Relationship changes, needs, wants and character changes.

People get their own friends. People grows up and join different friends.

I am both good and bad with changes. Bad with relationship changes, Good with physical changes(e.g. enviroment. not body k? not the breast and larger penis part.).

one thing that never change.. My status, always single (not refering to msn’s busy, offline and away)

Maybe it’s just me, i am weird, and i am better at rejecting than to accepting?

Maybe?

Being better at rejecting, never accepting. I did miss out. Someone nice. But it’s too late.

Or maybe, i care too much about the superficial? looks matters? and character matters? where to find such person?

tell me..

i would reward you handsomely. i will cook diinner for you. Haha. My cooking sucks.

It’s hard or diff for me to crack an egg. let alone change it’s state?

hahaha.

i miss my holidays.. can’t singapore have things like 2 moths of summer hols every year? can singapore be just a little bit panicky and kiasu? everything’s bout speed. speed.speed. speed. speed. the yearn for speed has ripped life off 99.9% of the populaion in singapore. sad but true. haha

Being drunk gave me the guts.

Hey…

since a long time I’ve updated this blog

Maybe only bad things that have happened then i would update. Or extremely gd things. haha

lol.

Ok, my grandma passed away. well, my very old and cute grandma.

Passed away peacefully… No sickness, nothing. Just of old age. Age: 96

The maid woke up around 2 am and grandma had difficulty breathing. then sent her to NUH.

And the bloody doctor has the nerve to ask, ‘Nid to save her anot? She is so old.’

Fuck that bloody bastard. He is a doctor, his duty is to save lives. Not to end it. Regardless the, age, sex, or race. Whatever the person’s condition is.

Screw that asshole.

Well, funeral will be at my house downstairs.

I could still hear her voice. And her broken promise of attending my wedding before she pass away. But so what, she is always there. Up there, a peaceful place to rest and watch over us. The children, the grand children, and the great grand children. Everyone.

Maybe it’s time, to let her go to a better world. Peaceful… Or to join her husband.

I will miss her. She is so cute. And has been my company when i am young. We talked. And had fun.

Grandma is so cute and i loved her.

back!!!

malaysia was fun!!! my cousin skipped school to go out with us (the jobless and school-less) crazy rite? his parents dont really care cause he don't even study even he goes to school. ha.

life's very relaxing there. like almost nothing to do. just eat sleep and rot off. it's gd to be retiree man. like my grandma.. her life is just like that. everyday is an holiday. crazy...

i haven't actually start working and i am thinking of retiring. crazy bitch.

sick of my blog.. shall change blogskin. yet, not patient or you can say never patient. facing that bloody codes which i already forget how to read them. sucks.

micheal phelps suspended for publishing picture of him smoking marijuana. omg. athlete smoking that stuff? omg. i love him. maybe not now. maybe yes. but... ... speechless. oh, i am in malaysia rite now. blogging on my cousin's com. hey guys, what you want? food? toys? sex toy? haha. i think those toys are cheaper here. maybe... i buy some for gina. she nids them. haha. an irony!!! yeah!!! lit!!! Love, Jac in malaysia.

Finally found the urgh to blog.

Busy with my diary making, cny prep, job, reading twilight series. blah blah. lame excuses for me not to blog.

haha

ok, first...

The will be cny gathering, my place or jy's unless you want to offer yr home.  refer to class blog for details.Click here!!! 

and... cny is coming!!! omg. won't be around after 29 jan. leaving for malaysia to celebrate with my cuzzins!!! and feast there. all the fucking gd food. hehehe. and have to prepare myself for the weight gain huh? actually i've already gain weight. i am happy nowadays. when i am happy, i gain weight. hmmm...

and poly life... is creeping nearer and nearer to us!!! omg. how sucky can it be? or how gd? i have no idea. just hate the fact that everything will be so strange, weird, unfamiliar. just like the first day of our school in sec 1. pathetic. hope i don't get lost. oh, i print maps of each campus. haha. kiasu. if i still get lost, i will be really dumb, i think i already have. omg....

my parents are so preparing me for poly life. my mum, she seem so willing to get me everything i took off the shelves in the mall. very unlike of her. my dad, dont seem to care. me, is in between. well, i am looking for a strong laptop. not those dumb and retarded. but soething fast and simple. my com is fast, so, i will get really impatient with retarded laptops. my dad laptop is one, not really retarded. but the internet is so slow. like loading and stuff. not my network prob, coz it's really fast on my com. the bloody laptop, took forever to load to watch a movie.

so... wat should i get?

urgh... oh, i want something pink. and yet, works very well... not getting a fashion accessory.

and... JAE posting results on 30 Jan...

i hate unfamiliar stuff...

here i am. again.. just after few minute of posting. ok...more to talk about actually. me and my diary making projects. i sew up the papers to form pages. sew up everything and add in the coulr i liked. they are plain. so, it's kinda easy to decorate and add in all that stuff. i spent so much on those fucking materials. those amout of money could have actually added to buy me a good nice diary, those i've always wanted. and then.. i still prefer making my own one. like diy everything. getting irrelevent materials to add in my book. i love it.

ok, why do i have the idea of that? huh? ok, starts with me, looking for a diary and decided that i could actually personalize it. and also, i could find gd diaries.

but now that i have my own diary projects. other diaries start flooding in to me. like my dad got me a nice business diary and and i bought the school diary.

that's kinda dumb. i am in a dilemma whether to use my dad's diary. damn nice. but, i am still stuck to my own hand made diary. it's not exactly nice,but it's still handmade, everything... i 've added so much details to it by hand. and even if it's ugly, i love it. i love myself and my products too much. haa.

these days were kinda numb. i think. reminds me of those times when i numb myself with work because of all the troubles and boredom. and now, i numb myself, keep myself busy withh all the small stuff. just because i have really nothing to do. like no job and school. those big things i mean, like school or job. those that requires high commitment and that i could get out of home and actually do something.

and, i got sadistic. i miss homework. really. those nights when i mug and flood myself with books. and that everyday seemed so full compared to now. it's empty. very empty. days past quickly now though, but i never knew what i am actually doing. like floating around. on my project which progresses so slowly. one diary per. day. that's kinda pathetic. i hate this and myself.

and kinda hate not going for studies at the start of the year. like not used to staying at home in january. it feels weird. not going to school made it feel like it's not january. my january for the last ten years always starts with new textbooks and feeling fresh. i made me knew or feel like i am in a new year. ... 2010. how would it feel like huh?

being 18..

being 17 is frightening. 

Carol, me different? what's the diff?

ok.. this is the blogger who gave herself excuses and more excuse to not update her damn lonely blog. i bet you see cobwebs here and there. i apologise. happy?

ok, i am busy, sort of. uh.. i decided to proceed with an almost impossible project/task of making my own diary. yeah. diary. one for each mth, diff theme for each mth. ha!

completed jan and feb, and half way of october. the rest of the mths, i dont dare to think. the results will be out on 12th jan. how great? that's god's favourite day, maybe. he can't think of better ways to bring me away out of this world without a third party.. hence, he made use of me going through o lvls and stuff. and then taking the RESULTS. which scares the hell out of me. hey, not third party involved huh? great. just me and HIM. the almighty HIM who made everybody goes through the things we are going through. and i do question existence, why live when we knew we were going to die? why bring ourselves into this world to face war, politics and all that stuff?

ok. this is getting no where.

i am absolutely in love with twilight.

watched plenty of movies today. on net. obviously.

the duchess(my fav!!!)

the lake house.

zack and miri makes a porno

still watching... just my luck.

those movies which i always wanted to watch but had no time for.

weather's cool nowadays. dosen't feel like singapore. as in at night. like now. 2 am. so cold and everything.

haven't sweat in a long while. i miss sweating.

not updating for like so damn long. hmm.

into twilight. the series.

haha. in love with it and grew fatter with it. reading and lying on the bed almost everyday if i stayed in.

twilight!!!

lol. the weather's cool. nice and stuff.

this year christmas was kinda disappointing. i planned to celebrate it. like having a tree around and presents for my friends. but it's like crap la. cropped up with my grandpa's hospitalisation and most my my plans like... you noe... cancel all my stuff and everything for this holiday became very last minute. my plans to go out and stuff.

great thing is that, i managed to go out myself alot. like shopping myself? something that others around me found it hard to do.

twilight craze. the world it crazy. twilight. the book sells damn well huh? like breaking dawn, stacked up so high in popular. next hour, the stack disappeared. same for kinokuniya. people searching for the books. those search computers stuff. walked by... everybody typed in nothing but stephenie meyer or twilight. siao one. like almost half of the people grabbing for twilight series. either as presents and or themselves. crazy.