Why am i not studyin?!?!?

Sheryl just told me that i got 17.5/30 for afa. WTF. I used to get A one lor!!! KNNBCB!!!

I shall work hard today and tml!!

My mum said that i could only smoke after she dies. LOL.

KNNBCB. LOL.

Like she ever talks to me nowadays. She just shout, also, dunnoe for what. Like today, she ask me to get a haircut.. And i said ok.. Then walk around for a few moments, then she asked if i  want to cut my hair for CNY anot, if not, never mind.

Since i hate getting haircuts.. I went to sleep..

She just walk in and scream.. YOU DUN WANT TO GET HAIRCUT IS IT!?!?!? LOL.

Say nvm then scream at me for what? LOL!

This is either my mum.. OR another traits of women. Sighs..

This is one reason i hate stayin at home. Unless i am very sleepy:)

Take care!! jr!!

I was just thinking about my grandma on the train just now..

I didnt visit her for more than a year, before she passed away. I miss everything bout her, her wrinkled skin( i never failed to pull it when i was young), her loud voice, asking me to get out of the toilet, how she helped me when i was young, how she accompanied me in the crazy rampage to search for coins at home just to fill up my piggy bank, how she bought stuff for us every time she lives with us..

After she passed away, the family sort of dispersed, separated… There is no longer new year gatherings.. only except to pray for her anniversary..

How i missed her… When she died, the family died with her too..

I feel like shit, when i think of her.. Where is she? i can never see her again, i wanna find her, talk to her, touch her.. Why?

Why do i miss her so suddenly? It’s been almost a year.. I miss her.. Like crazy..

I am afraid of death.. Not my own eventual death of cancer or disease.. But, death of people around me. Why do people die?

Dead.. Not even the corpse can be seen, touched. What’s left of a person is only their bones, ashes. Or nth at all..

It’s hard for me to accept death, it’s not that logical, it’s more than that to just a person’s silent heart.

I am afraid, who else is going to die? Who is next? My grandfather? He got admitted to the hospital once, and i was so worried that something would actually happen.. That feeling is not nice. I am never there, in malaysia… I dun noe what is happening there. It sucks to worry…

Though nothing happened.. But it just keeps me worrying bout them, all the time. And it sucks..

All the WHAT IFS…

I might just breakdown…

It been hard for everyone who lost someone dear…

Miss gran.. I dun wanna know who’s next…

I feel like a bitch.

I do not want things to be this way, but, i really do not have time for all this bullshit anymore.

I wanna work, study and play:)

I feel.. That i changed..

Either that, or i am too lazy to voice out. To talk about anything anymore….

And..

KNNBCB!! that shiity customer(student), think his math so good arh?

fuckin try to reason out.. His brain better than the cash machine meh?!?! He think his calculation skills so fucking good.

Trying to point out mistakes..

But hor, lose one la.. LOL. Tio suan by his friends somemore.. HAHA.

So fucking haolian.. See his face.. WANNA PUNCH HIM LIAO…

The bright moon, the starry night. 

HOW I WISH I WERE AT A BEACH OR HOLIDAY NOW!!!

Everyone is going to malaysia!! My dad, people from work. GRrr. Cant wait for my holidays so that i could go malaysia too!!

And skate endlessly from one end of singapore to another. It will be like heaven..

I wish.. i was a freelancer.. no sch, no definite job. Just play ard, and work like crazy on days:)

I might be a workaholic.. I think, when i really work, i cant stop..

Washing my clothes.. :) i never fail to put too much detergent!!

At work with jr, in fugly uniform:)

i do admit getting a bit sick of jr.. See her day and night, school and work.. I see her more than i see my com, parents, dog… :(

Empty train!!! I take trains home like this every single night… It’s peaceful, calming.. I take my unglam naps here… :)

disastrous.

either is it because i am too tired.. or..

i did alot of mistakes today, and felt so fucked up for the whole entire day…

Eating too much really sucks!!!!

Work…

i was deployed to learn runner from WZ today!! lol.

They said that few girls can make it for runner. Mostly guys lor.. SOBS… (Cause stronger!!)

Then michelle call me miss runner. Grrr..

Runner is damn slack, maybe because usually there is only one runner. (of i actually become one, i might have to flame prawns/lobster: use butane flame to burn the sauce in front of the customer. GRRRR. I hate fire!!!

I miss doing station (normal waitress stuff). LOL. Cause.. Being a talkative person, and marketing student.. Asking me to talk to forks and spoon is abit tiring.. HAHA.

And.. I did closing for the restuarant.. In order for Hong to help me stack up tables.. I said that he was handsome(GOSH!!)

And he was like..

‘Dont copy Nwe tricks..’

‘No la.. you really handsome, this is what every girl uses..’

‘I thought you say i nabu (pervert in Burmese), got malaysian qiang ,stare at your legs!?!?!’

Me, ‘ No la, it’s normal for a guy to stare at girls legs one.. ‘

‘Wha… now become.. normal?!?!?!’

LOL.

It’s true that the pervert got stare at my ugly legs lor!!! He was like… Laughing at the way i sit while i eat (damn rough) .. Then.. During the briefing ( i sat cross legged), he was like pointing at my legs ‘Nah!! This is the way a girl should seat what!!!’

Then at first he still claim that, if i stare that means at least yr legs not bad liao.. (Motherfucking shit)

[Throughout these times my leg was under a table!!]

Sicko Hong, Nabu hong..

And.. I am growing freakin fat!!! Grrr..

Reasons:

1) you cant help it since you work at a place where there is like all my favourite fastfood restuarants around

2) My favourite fastfood, KFC, is just beside the restuarant…

3) My manager treats us mc chicken at 11.10pm..

4) I might just be a bit happier and decides to eat more.

5) I feel hungry all the time…

KNNBCB!!

I am blogging this in that’s teacher’s class, maisie is beside me blogging bout this biatch as well:)

POM teacher sucks. Maisie was like avoiding her, pretend to transfer thing from mac to windows in her macbook.

SHE ACTUALLY STOOD BEHIND AND WAITED!?!?!

Like wtf rite?

then after maisie and sheryl cannot show her work.. She called me?

She is a biatch.

She told me lessons ago that she was not going to give me CP marks. So, wat’s the point of her trying to ask me to ans? WTF rite?

She KNEW that i dont do her work.

It’s like wtf rite?

LOL.

And yesterday.. i finally got enough sleep!!! LOL. I slept in the living room after dinner. Till bedtime. HAHA. at 11. HAHAHA. I slept at 11!! :)

And.. yet, i still feel like sleeping when i got on the train.

My mum gave me allowance, my dad gave me money for bus fare. I am rich!!! Can’t wait for payday.. :)

I would be fucking rich.

My parents said that they would give me anything/ amt of money as long as i dont work? like wtf?

But working is fun + busy.. Being busy is better than slackin at home…

I will speak chinese in malaysian accent for.. whole day.. shld i ? then piss the whole world off.

haha.

Dinner

Went to MFM @ J8!!

Lol. it totally makes no sense to dine there since we work there and get free food once in a while. (Btw, we just ate there last nite!!)

LOL. We (Jr, Sheryl, Maisie) went there for dinner still. Ordered the same stuff as what the manager treated us last night. GRRR..

Are we mad? And ordered Mudpie too!! We do get that free if there is leftovers. HAHAHA. Lol.

We ordered platter for two. And demand to add on rice and chips. LOL. Then WZ said that he would help us get extra portion of rice and chips:) So, we are quite full still!! HAHA.

(Totally made me feel damn cheapo..)

But hor, the rice and chips arrived after we ate finish everything.
“Why you all eat so fast one?!?!?”

We are like guest, well, we are. (Not on duty what!!) And got the manager(HEHE) to help us get flaming sauce to go with the rice. LOL. We didnt order drinks.. I went there myself to get free one. LOL.

M.O.D. was like, ‘Are you on shift?’

Me, ‘No?’

‘Then?’ (I almost wanted to cry… In case he said no..)

‘Huh?

‘Go drink la…’

HAHA. feel damn bad to seat there to be served though we are not on duty. LOL. I just feel bad to sit there while people work.. I AM SIAO! Manager serve us wo.. LOL.

Friend

A friend is a friend.

If a relationship is there. It’s there. Nothing could affect it.
Maybe it’s never there?

Relationships between humans are never logical. It’s a feeling. A kind of love. Can’t see it, can’t touch it.. You can only feel it.

Friends

Friends give you laughter, memories..

As well as affecting yr emotions, controlling yr emotions.

I am obviously not caring about my studies anymore, i get diploma with a pass… I CLAP MY HANDS AND SHOUT, “Finally!!!”.

But why am i feeling so stressed up? Even my freaking menstrual cycles are giving me all kinds of symptoms of being stressed!

I am stress, for… Nth! I have no idea what is it.

Well, i might be losing a friend. I am supposed to feel sad, go cry, kill myself and all that shit. But, i still feel nth! Like a living zombie, so many things left undone, walking, living like someone without life.

What is it that i really want to do? My craft business?

That’s maybe at the top. But, all this shit, all this sch shit. All this problems. I cant possibly dump them and create sth for myself rite?

I nid to solve these problems. But, what are these problems?

I cant see it, don’t know anything, don’t know the source of the problem. How to i go about solving it?

And, my dad is talking to me again. My mum, is talking to much to me. They are suspecting that i am smoking.. No matter wat i say, though they seems to believe that i dont smoke… But still, they keep asking me not to smoke? WTF? (Well, i am smoking, but trying to keep it from them).

They are talking/ talking too much to me. Totally hilarious.

Like trying to educate/ counsel me. And all that stuff. Give me WRONG real life examples. And even ask me to encourage someone that i dun really hang out with to quit smoking. How cute rite?

Ask me(smoker) to ask the other guy to quit smoking. OMG.

I rather that they ignore me. Give me space for a while, something that i really need now. So, that i might think better. Not be rash.

Rite? Wrong?

Wateva.

Btw!!!! I bought a new 2010 planner!! It’s weird for me to buy planners since i am making them. But!! It’s really nice and the format of the pages are totally my style!! And it look vintage. AND!!! WITH THE LITTLE PRINCE’S GRAPHICS!! Don’t ask me why i like him. But he is just so innocent and pure:)

That’s advantage of being a kid, child.

I choose that planner for so long!! It’s from art friend, btw. I was actually squatting down, deciding, looking at it. Then, being overly indecisive, my legs grew tired from squatting that i knelt down on the floor. HAHAHA!!!

Can i be less in decisive?

Yesterday…

I chose between writing my plans on cue cards.. Choosing the sizes for damn freaking long!! Ended up with the large one, decide to place it all on a huge art canvas at the end of the year. :)

But ended up, thinking of adding them into a album… (go choose album).. For god knows how long!! Wat size? Brand? Colour? Price? Done! The black one!

But…. I saw small notebooks, mini kind. Decide to buy a set of 12 and decorate the cover. didn’t really like it, stick to cue cards.

Then… i saw those ZIP diskette boxes!! Like kinda thick and nice:) Decide to add cards into the ZIP boxes!! A box for a mth!!! Yeah! :):)

I spent like almost 1.5 hrs on choosing the cue cards. WTF!!!

Then dump it, and went with the ZIP box idea.

I was practically walking up and down the aisle, whether to use cue cards or ZIP boxes. Hmmm.. Then.. Waste much time. Arrived around 1, left bookshop at 3 just to choose the materials+ ideas for 2010 planners.

But… End up hor… I dump all that for a planner:) My The Little Prince planner:) LOL!!

OMG. I shld be more decisive rite?

I think i might be going crazy. But alot of people say.. I alrd am!!! WTF!!!

I am blogging.. Like again.

I rmb how i used to like the fact that my cousin coming singapore to work might be a good thing. Remembering how i yearn that he could actually by my brother.

Now, that fact might be partially true. He is always around. Come down for dinner and stay over every weekend. really like a brother.

But i became fucking pissed. Utterly pissed with this person. Like he is always so proud and stingy, doing the wrong actions. Bringing him out along with our family totally disgrace us.

Why i hate him?

1) he sucks. like totally.

2) his is stingy. (CHI REN)

Why? He has always think that he could live off my dad. Like during weekends, he would eat off us. Like dinner. Or even lunch. And he said it himself. He would eat what he can at the warehouse, then come over for dinner, in this way he wont have to spend cent. He came consecutively for dunnoe how many weekends that i decide to shoo him off.

He bloody hell works since 15 (20 this year). He has money. He is a guy. When my grandma brought him over to SG, he didnt start work till after  a mth. HE BLOODY HELL LIVE OFF MY GRANDMA (SOMEONE RETIRED) FOR A MTH. eat off her for every meal and dun bother to offer to pay once. And fucking pissed that even when the food is self service, he expects my limping gran to carry food over to him. He is a grown man for goodness sake. Wtf rite? So tall and strong.

SCENE 1: We are done eating chicken chop at hawker, he just arrive. Sat down. He wanted to try, so, mum brought him to order. The food came shortly and he is SUPPOSE to pay rite? He didnt, he took a look a my mum and dad for dunnoe how many seconds before taking out his money to pay. Even my parents tu lan la! Expect them to pay meh? My dad wouldnt mind paying if he is NOT THIS KIND OF PERSON, or the food arrvie tgt la!

And hor, my dad likes to drink. Him too.. They will order beer, whenever he eats. Treat him so many fucking times la! He wont zhi dong one lor. And is my dad and grandma brought him over from malaysia bad pay, to this better paying job. He fuckin dunnoe how to repay kindness meh?

Once, there is a phone, for old people to use. He was like freakin reluctant to buy it for grandma la! it’s like 1/17 of his pay only? Wtf? She freakin bought him here!!!!

Even when he goes out with his work friend, play pool and all that.. He dun bother to PPPAAAAAYYY!!

Last one, and hor, dunnoe how he spend his money one. He draw like 180 dollars every day since jan 8. His bank kosong dollar liao. But, he just got his pay:) Who is the suay person he live off?

Wait, also, his mum knew bout this, asked him, ‘then yr company trip to MELAKA how?’ He replied, ‘live off uncle la!'(MY DAD).

3) Heartless guy.

He clearly enjoys the freedom and city life of SG. HE DUN MISS ANY ONE OF HIS FAMILY AT ALL. Nvm, he is alone, no friends, no family. He wont know how pathetic he would be when in trouble. Worst, no gang even la!

He dun visit grandma when he freaking past by her hse every single day. Grandma only get to see him during CNY when he live less than 1km away? and passes by her hse everyday?

Well, he thinks that he could survive without friends and family. Let him be.

4) Oh, he thinks he is so fucking great.

He attempted to rule over me (but failed). He thinks by being older, he could rule over me? I shld freaking listen to him just because he is older over such minor stuff? Wtf? Rite?

Well, even my parents dun rule over me that way!!!

He thinks that salesmen buys food for him just to suck up to him. People treat him like gd friend then do that what.

Suck up to him for what? WWHO IS HE? He thinks that he is god. He is just a ASISTANT STORE KEEPER. Salesmen could suck up to buyers and managers in the outlets to increase sales rather than him rite?

Bullshit.

5) seeing his face just makes me damn tu lan.

Well, no reason. He might just be ugly.

6) He want me to teach and not listen.

He has bought a pair of cheapo skates. He wants me to teach.

GUESS WHAT? he just doesnt listen. Do scooter turn, scared. PRACTISE LAH!!! And he is always stuck to that god ugly A-frame turn. Wtf rite? Then keep saying things that makes people think that i nvr teach him and all that. Blah blah blah.

7) He is fuckin proud.

He followed a salesman to help out for a few weeks. And at the first 3 day.. He said,’Learn every liao! so easy!’. People do sales for 5 years and above also dun dare to say this kind of things la!

There is something wrong with his skates, he said.. ‘I dun one this one alrd! I want to buy like hers(me), the ex ex one!’ Yah rite. Mine is K2 Alexis ard 375 or what. He go buy so ex one la! Not like he is skating now anymore;P

In fact people dun wanna go out with him, but he said, ‘i dun wanna go out with him anymore!’ (go pt 8)

8) he is losing his friends

He is fucking bastard and people are avoiding him. People know how his is like liao, then said.’fuck off’ “ :)

He loses his friends then he come over to our place for dunnoe how many weeks.. Fuckin pissed, on normal days i get to wear only my undergarments and walk ard. (Weather so hot la!)

9) He might fuck girls at geylang

Since he lives at boon keng.

There is always a hint of horniness in his face. It’s gross.

And he spend a average 180 per day. It’s believed by certain theories he might have a nightlife.

Concluded that he sucks, and i soon bian vent my anger on him through this psot:)

Problems.

I might have alot of problems. I might be leading a screwed up life.

That’s what people think most of the time, bout me. Not me myself. There are problems. Many major problems, but i never knew what they are, for i am IGNORANT. I choose to ignore things, or sometimes, they dont seem to be a problem for me. But it’s affecting me, in some way. It gives me stress, cause me to be in anxiety, to feel like shit, yet never knew wat i am worrying over.

I didnt cry for god knows how long. I used to drink and cry(sob) everynite, for nothing, yet it feels good. It sucks to feel so emotionless, i am neither happy nor sad. I cant feel anything anymore, other than stress.

It feels like i am dead. What is life without emotions?

What am i doing? I am like a zombie. Wandering aimlessly. (well, at least zombies have a aim=to bite someone else)

I have no dream, i have no goals. It feels like i am going the wrong way. But, what way? I am just lost.

Pull me out of this mess, i nid counselling. I nid help. I tried to imagine myself, asking god to show me the light, the way. But…

I dont know.

I dont know.

This three words.. is wat i like to say nowadays.

I always think that i am a happy person, i dun have problems, i dun cry. But now, it doesn’t seem so. At least when someone has a major problem, they can feel it, know it , see it. Then, attempt to solve it, since they know it’s there. Like a math equation, lay out nice for u to see.

But for me, my problems are like mist. Mist… they creeps ups to me with something(idk how to describe). Maybe a feeling?  i can’t see it, know it.. Till i finally feel it, i still dont know what is it. But it’s killing me. Something’s killing me, and i died with knowing.

Love 4e1!!

4e1 christmas party!!

Totally enjoyable.. It’s hard to believe we were actually separated from each other, FOR MORE THAN A YEAR!!

Thinking bout this just made me feels sad. Though we didnt change much, there is still some minor changes here and there. E.g. Jia Ying is not so vulgar anymore.. Sobs..

We are still childish, but.. We seems to go through more things, our lives seems to complicate, we talk without that line…

Isn’t this good? There’s no misunderstanding.. We are so straightforward and no longer offend each other. We know each other well….

We dont have to fake.. We just ourselves. We are 4e1:)

Drunk at home on Christmas Eve

Well, i am drunk. Just ignore the shit on this post. HAHAHA.

I am sad, sort of…

Cause my brother died on 24 dec… His heartbeat… His life ends.. Like the countdown for christmas.

And, we no longer celebrate christmas. How great?

I would miss him… Why must he… Die on this day!?!?!!

Every christmas, it’s hard, not to think of him.

I would miss him, like crazy. His is someone i always wanted, but yet i didnt appreciated? I want him, since i was born. All i wanted was a brother that could take care of me? But yet, i didnt know, i didnt love, i didnt knowledge who he is…

That gave me a everlasting regret. Really…

Why? Why must i do that?

Why must he die so early? He is the link, but when he dies, everything’s gone. Why? Why!?!?!?

He is a good person… Someone who loved me, knew who i am… Knew that i actually like dogs, made me liked dogs. Made me love cycling… Is that part of our genes? Our code? Our similarity that runs in our blood?

But now.. Everything's lost!!! Nothing is left!!!

U cant possiblilty bring back the dead.

He is cool. He has tatoos, he has nipple rings, he cycles, he rocks!!!!

He is my brother….. Rite?

But, he is no longer there. It took me too long.

Our relationship is not exactly simple. Right? Complicated family… Nothing’s normal for us.

I miss him.. What if i go visit him now? What will i say? What will he say? Will he hate me? What would he tell me? What does he feels bout me? Does he think i am a daughter of a bitch?

He witness too much. He blamed dad, partially? Or what? Does he understand?

Drunk…

PREVIEW OF CHRISTMAS

Yeap.. I am actually blogging again!! Muahahahahaah!!

Crazy bitch’s talking, ranting, cursing.

Couple’s Retreat!!! IS NICCEEE!!!

Please watch this with yr partners.

Well, sad singles like me will watch with other bitches. HHAAHA.

Went in to burberry before the movie, my choice no. 2 wallet, is damn ugly, unlike how it look like on the web. It’s like glossy and all that shit. GRRR… Shall get their watch instead huh?

 

UGLY… Cause of the patent material.. GRRR.

This is nice!! I love leather!! $680:(

Black damn nice!!

Hmm… Christmas’s approaching. HAHAHA. So.. As friends, you guys/ girls can actually share and buy me the watch and… HAHAHA

GIVE IT TO ME!!!

I will be damn touched!! haha. And love u guys to the max!!!

Buy this!!! $448 only!! U damn rich rite? Buy for me!! MUAHAHAAHA

This is like, $1373!?!?!? HAHA. DREAM WATCH!!

I rmb how how used to hate watches? like it gave me rash at the wrist and all that shit. But i love them now!! LOL. HAHA. Nids to love my wrist. HAHA.

And i got this new tattoo yesterday!!! NEAR WCP!!

People might think i am crazy, going West Coast Park so frequently.. Cause i am trying to practice!! LOL.

I did forward crossover!!! :)::):):):):):)

It’s like.. damn shiok? get the momentum and yes!! I did crossover. But only to the right.

And!!!

Let’s end this with some emo stuff.. HAHA.

*START OF EMO TOPIC*

Every Christmas, maybe, like since 2004? I would feel sad as Christmas approaches? Why? It’s been over for so long? Like 5 years? Like, that part of the memory is always so vivid, yet, it’s stuck in there. And there seems to be a clock, that controls my emotions to feel sad at this period of the year?

I am not thinking bout it. I don’t see the images, i didn’t think of it. But the sadness is there…

I do feel lonely, sometimes.. I’ve got friends and families, and hanging out with them? But, it just feel empty, I don’t know what i want, i don’t know what to do.

So this is life huh? The purpose of life? The creation of life? So that aimless people like me, will just live, shit, work, play..

I feel like i am getting rebellious, sort of? Though i am way past that age and phase.. Shit, what’s happening to me?

*END OF EMO TOPIC*

--> –> –> –> –> End of post!! HHAHAHAHA