i miss my grandma

miss her?

maybe..

It’s better to forget the dead sometimes. well, they are dead, missing them does not make a diff rite?

She is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Just like 4 or 3 mths ago?

But it seems that no one’s missing her in this family. Like it’s over? Over? and nth?

once granny died, and that’s it to all the kinship? why?

people organise pathetic gatherings every year. just for her sake. Then now? now that she has passed away, is there no point to gather anymore? What about my wedding in eons of years to come? Who will be there?

Few of those relative, they just want money? one of my aunt used to be super kind? despite the fact that she is not so well off, she dont mind treating people, being generous. and now, she fell out with the rest just for the meagre 10k? pathetic. Isn’t it?

what will happen during chinese new year in 2010? just me and parents? staring at boring tv shows. Maybe we would even skip the spring cleaning part. or.. we would just go holiday and spend my new year in malaysia?

why?

death has so much power. death keeps secrets untold forever, sealing secrets from life. No one will ever knew what happened. The truth is lost forever.

does crying for the dead help? I used to cry myself to sleep every night after D died in 2005. It was tragic. Tragic. he was pinned under a bus. Beyond recognition, swollen, and blood all over. Saddening.

It’s a pity, dying before i acknowledge the truth, and accepting it.

The voice. Grandma’s, it’s getting softer and rather inaccurate, it just doesn’t sound like her anymore. I am forgetting … how grandma’s voice sounds like. like a radio, inaccurate frequency, and lowering the volume. And… maybe i would forget what grandma’s voice is like anymore. In living memory, that’s what people says… but our memory.. they just disappear. And slowly.. you forget how it used to be, how it feels like before.

In living failed memory, we will rmb the dead.

I am suspecting i am dyslexic, when making my diaries, i didn’t know that i got my alpha N is inverted. I always spell babies as badies. and me, a left hander.

Finally blogging

Omg!!!

it’s been like 3 of 4 mths?

hahahaha.

My crazy poly life.. yeah..

at least it’s better than cramming 8 subject worth of knowledge during ‘O’s.

And some weird guy ask for my no. in the library the other time?

weird?

my type is like outdoor and sporty kind?

Then he have like uh… gross stuff on his face( unshaven). And totally off…

crazy poly life. Hahahaaha.

and.. one more news..

my cousin from malaysia is coming here to work!! dot expect much. he only have a SPM cert. he will be working at my dad’s warehouse if everything goes well.

haha. well.. hope it goes well. Maybe we would have like dinner tgt, like a extra family member. He is like the brother i yearned and once had. Good character, takes care of siblings. Sets a good(bad) example.

It used to be like that for us.. Like bro and sis. H would come down to grand’s hse everytime we visit malaysia. Then things changed, H start taking part time job after school, now, full time job and we never had sleepovers tgt anymore. It’s just with the rest of the cousins now, like his siblings and other cousins. Maybe.. S will soon take after his footsteps? and history repeats? and grandma hse wont be so lively any more..

Just me, grandma and mum.

When kids becomes teenagers. When teenagers becomes adults.

Relationship changes, needs, wants and character changes.

People get their own friends. People grows up and join different friends.

I am both good and bad with changes. Bad with relationship changes, Good with physical changes(e.g. enviroment. not body k? not the breast and larger penis part.).

one thing that never change.. My status, always single (not refering to msn’s busy, offline and away)

Maybe it’s just me, i am weird, and i am better at rejecting than to accepting?

Maybe?

Being better at rejecting, never accepting. I did miss out. Someone nice. But it’s too late.

Or maybe, i care too much about the superficial? looks matters? and character matters? where to find such person?

tell me..

i would reward you handsomely. i will cook diinner for you. Haha. My cooking sucks.

It’s hard or diff for me to crack an egg. let alone change it’s state?

hahaha.

i miss my holidays.. can’t singapore have things like 2 moths of summer hols every year? can singapore be just a little bit panicky and kiasu? everything’s bout speed. speed.speed. speed. speed. the yearn for speed has ripped life off 99.9% of the populaion in singapore. sad but true. haha