here i am. again.. just after few minute of posting. ok...more to talk about actually. me and my diary making projects. i sew up the papers to form pages. sew up everything and add in the coulr i liked. they are plain. so, it's kinda easy to decorate and add in all that stuff. i spent so much on those fucking materials. those amout of money could have actually added to buy me a good nice diary, those i've always wanted. and then.. i still prefer making my own one. like diy everything. getting irrelevent materials to add in my book. i love it.

ok, why do i have the idea of that? huh? ok, starts with me, looking for a diary and decided that i could actually personalize it. and also, i could find gd diaries.

but now that i have my own diary projects. other diaries start flooding in to me. like my dad got me a nice business diary and and i bought the school diary.

that's kinda dumb. i am in a dilemma whether to use my dad's diary. damn nice. but, i am still stuck to my own hand made diary. it's not exactly nice,but it's still handmade, everything... i 've added so much details to it by hand. and even if it's ugly, i love it. i love myself and my products too much. haa.

these days were kinda numb. i think. reminds me of those times when i numb myself with work because of all the troubles and boredom. and now, i numb myself, keep myself busy withh all the small stuff. just because i have really nothing to do. like no job and school. those big things i mean, like school or job. those that requires high commitment and that i could get out of home and actually do something.

and, i got sadistic. i miss homework. really. those nights when i mug and flood myself with books. and that everyday seemed so full compared to now. it's empty. very empty. days past quickly now though, but i never knew what i am actually doing. like floating around. on my project which progresses so slowly. one diary per. day. that's kinda pathetic. i hate this and myself.

and kinda hate not going for studies at the start of the year. like not used to staying at home in january. it feels weird. not going to school made it feel like it's not january. my january for the last ten years always starts with new textbooks and feeling fresh. i made me knew or feel like i am in a new year. ... 2010. how would it feel like huh?

being 18..

being 17 is frightening.