Take care!! jr!!

I was just thinking about my grandma on the train just now..

I didnt visit her for more than a year, before she passed away. I miss everything bout her, her wrinkled skin( i never failed to pull it when i was young), her loud voice, asking me to get out of the toilet, how she helped me when i was young, how she accompanied me in the crazy rampage to search for coins at home just to fill up my piggy bank, how she bought stuff for us every time she lives with us..

After she passed away, the family sort of dispersed, separated… There is no longer new year gatherings.. only except to pray for her anniversary..

How i missed her… When she died, the family died with her too..

I feel like shit, when i think of her.. Where is she? i can never see her again, i wanna find her, talk to her, touch her.. Why?

Why do i miss her so suddenly? It’s been almost a year.. I miss her.. Like crazy..

I am afraid of death.. Not my own eventual death of cancer or disease.. But, death of people around me. Why do people die?

Dead.. Not even the corpse can be seen, touched. What’s left of a person is only their bones, ashes. Or nth at all..

It’s hard for me to accept death, it’s not that logical, it’s more than that to just a person’s silent heart.

I am afraid, who else is going to die? Who is next? My grandfather? He got admitted to the hospital once, and i was so worried that something would actually happen.. That feeling is not nice. I am never there, in malaysia… I dun noe what is happening there. It sucks to worry…

Though nothing happened.. But it just keeps me worrying bout them, all the time. And it sucks..

All the WHAT IFS…

I might just breakdown…

It been hard for everyone who lost someone dear…

Miss gran.. I dun wanna know who’s next…