urgh.. wasted my weekend. always and without fail.

i hate myself.

can do revision, study and wateva. but i waste it. unknowingly.

always. ALWAYS!!!

just wake up at 12pm, ate breakfast.

then, pack up my room.

then eat lunch. at 3 pm.

took 3 hrs to pack my room. duh. so messy. and i packed my memories, my baobei stuff.

my letters, old diary, photos, presents from friends, everything...

hahahaha. read all my letters and diaries. well, reading my past.

i miss my friends. all of them.

our outings, our dates, our movies, our dinner, our small talks. every thing. all... who is there to save me?

save me from sinking... sinking into my memories...

i am unhappy now... obviously.. i laugh, but never feel it. the real happiness thing.

when i'm happy in the past, my heart feels light. so much lighter than how i feel now everyday. what's that stone? that stone in me? that stone which made me feel so unhappy. it's too heavy for me and trying to support it, prevent it from sinking further. It's tedious.

i am tired. tired of everything. i care less bout people now. used to cry whenever people cry, used to feel angry when people provokes me over little things, used to be so emotional that i cried every night for that incident and the old HIM. but now i just don't...

ignore people when they are angry, ignore them if they cry, ignore them if they are fucked up. just let people do what they want, let them cry, let them kill themselves... that's their business, not mine.

i cry lesser now. have no idea why. but then, that doesn't mean anything. how i feel when i am laughing is ten times worst than how i feel when i cry. i laugh along with the others, but the heart doesn't follow and be happy.

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there's school. school. from 8am-5pm.

but what do they know? those teachers... they only know how to create the timetable. they work for those few hours. but we, have many many teachers.

and as a student, i just study aimlessly. just study, and sleep, eat, shit. each day past so fast.

my life is like a F1 racer car. but without brakes, and heading to a dead end. if i turn, i hit a tree and die. if i continue, i will die too, and crash onto dead end.