ewww.

studied bio today, yesterday and last week. but then, i am still pacing around the first chapter which is like so basic and useless. how many marks can it get me? 1?

no idea why am i blogging hahaha. lol.

got to know from my mum that my house and relatives used to be close. everyone was so united and gathering for majong sessions. relative was visiting each other so often. i used to be taken care of by my grandmother, the only person that would stop me from crying when i was young. even those cousins which seems to be so distant actually used to be close.

my chinese name was picked by my cousin. she is like so freaking old, 40++? and she can easily bluff herself as 25 and people will surely believe. used to play with her son and others. catching and running around, sparkles and candies.

my english name was picked by my aunt.

yah, my names not picked by my parents. heehee. but maybe that was the most my relative could do for me in this life time. maybe it is...

ha..

ha..

family gatherings does cheer me up. i love the crowd. to fit in the tiny 3 room flat with so many close ones. the warmth, like everyone was someone i could lean on and cry, or that everyone was someone who could give me a lift in life. but everything was just so short-lived, eat and shit and everybody leaves.

i do envy my cousins. they grew up closely together, when my grandma could still cook and everybody goes her hse every friday. those adults play majong. the kids play and run about. those family gatherings everyweek. how i wish it could still continue. never have a chance to feel how is it like, to have close cousins around, growing up together. but then... i was born when everything has just ended.

my grandma... loved her. she is 90+++, so frail. each time i visit her, her voice goes softer. worried that she would leave me. breaking the peace i am in.