not updating!!!

my cousin and family are really really coming over. we probably think that they are sleepin here. oh.gosh. how could it be possible? we only have one spare mattress and one spare room which acts like garage. lol. then my sickly aunt is going to be stuck when she sleeps on the floor, and i fear having to give up my bed. no way!!! and i will play bad and restrict my cousin my my room. he is mad. mad over computers and psp that he doesn't have. lol. and he still want my digi cam. siao. it's like one of my worldly possesion. and if he breaks it. he is going to pay me one thousand. heehee. no way. i am a selfish freak.

and sunday, went to vivo as a family. hate it. the crowd is making me dizzy, and my father is making me tu lan. lol. he is dumb. hate it. i can't even finish dinner. lol. the crowd fills me up. no mood to eat!!! lol. then went to pet shop, lol .crap. my mum keep complaining that rabbit's stuff are too ex and replaced it with stupid alternative. lol. crap. i dun mind spending for my rabbit. but she is like complaining and complaining. i will go without her. swear!!!

but at least she love the rabbit lol. the bun finally respond to names. i call it baby. simple and sweet. but it's actually no choice. i used it when it was nameless. and could not respond to other names now.

i miss erin!!! omg. love her lots.

All the bloody saturday goodness. heehee. rabbits and wife biscuits from taiwan.

struggling with my holiday hw. and still no clue on how to do the qns. asshole. bun getting bolder and bolder. peering out of the cage for a glimpse of his world.

holding hands and getting cosy. don't do that in front of me. forgetting you during the holidays always works and it's a tradition. don't lt me see you again. i stared right into her eyes. and how ugly she is.

brr brr. freaking afraid of my bun's sudden movement, ended up scaring him with my screams.. heehee. love him lots. fur so soft and white. heehee.

it starts to get used to his environment and tried to climb out of it cage. bleee. blee.e heehee. mad.

bun bun:)heehee

cute, with no name:( call it baby for the time being. so cute!!! omg!!! omg!!!

so young still, an curious to everything. sight,hearing an taste? heehee. he is my cutie pie!!! omg cute!!! but i still dare not carry it, heehee. he is timid in this environment, but me too. scared of him. it won't bite even if you stuck yr hand out to his mouth. and running around his cage. sniffing and twitching his nose. heehee. yo!!! and reponsive when the phone ring or we change the tv channel. hehee. AND!!! he is always shifting his food bowl around when it gets in it's way!! so smart!!! the way he push the bowl without toppling over. heehee.

and grandma went away last night. heehee. back to malaysia, took a coach home. and the coach have many people from her area. so, she is pretty safe. and there's my malaysian uncle's friend who happen to be here to go back with her. and she was so bloody mean, she sees that her bag is heavy and was happy that he was around to help her carry. that evil smile!!!heehee.

and, byebye. i nid to get more stuff for my darling bun bun.

:( :) :( :) :( :) :(

three things to be happy and sad abt. Firstly, Grandma going back malaysia. That's sad, coz my best companion and she teaches me lots and lots of things. Seconddly, My rabbit's coming back tml. Yeah, happy stuff, the furry thing is coming back. heehee. Last of all, my cousins family of three is coming to singapore, from where my grandma is from. i don't know whether i should be sad or happy about it. my aunt is sick, skinnier than gina, shorter than me by half a head, weight 20Kg. so, we might have difficulty walking about with her along. so, how? LOL. i won't support her. coz, if she just topple like a bamboo, she will easily break her bloody bones and i will crack my skull.

my bunny, mu bunny, my bunny, waiting for HIM to comeback. heehee. getting a mate for him when we love him. heehee. more babies, more bun. bun is large ize and so, not easy for me to take care of another ten buns? siao. the breeding mood, and welcome to 'jac's pets breeding zoo' siao. i mad mad. mad. so mad.

bunny coming back either on tues or wed. heehee. and lots of preparation to be done. i looked up lots of sites on caring for rabbits. and also names. heehee. tough one, we have to decide on it asap. sickening, and too much name for me to consider. i just nid one, unique,cute and GUYish name. heehee.

bunny, bunny. it's a guy bun. heehee.

My bun bun. heehee. love him lots, it's a male. a male. heehee and we decide to give it a mate when we are used to him. We nid all the planning and crappy cage buying. All set,except for the cage.

love it?

DUH. Btw, i went to the club pool AGAIN. I saw that guy, again. Heehee. and many more coaches like him too. heehee. the sicko girl!!! whahahaha. this is just a... crush? not one that i fantasize:) heehee, pls la, i dun even noe him. just the outside crush. heehee. sicko old woman, looking out for some lame guy.

craps. and craps. heehee. dad shown me the bun pic today, so totally cute. it's a male. too bad, but at least it won't go mad when it matures. heee. and paying 130 for it. and ot my money, dad's... and cage and stuff, he is all willing to pay. ha!! so totally cool!!! saving up and not spending them. and wat to do with the money? buy my own branded bag? or wat? go lipo, but it's then too little. save up for my car then .i want a car by 18.

possible?

did not go for chorus line, soory jin and simult. did not give my friends support. lol. lame. not in the mood to even step out of hse, bored. i wanna go vivo, but my grandma prefer cheap clothing. lol. then i rather not go out of hse. heehee.

bored!!!! heehee. went over to city plaza, thinking that we could get some nice clothing there, cheap ones. but ended up with nth. they are all wholesalers, and cheap stuff every where. but the shitty clothes are way too cheapo. all the lameshit old lady clothing. but there is wholesaler for prom dresses, do go there if you want, it's nice. and cheap.

then we took a bus down to CHINAtown, for my grandma's sake. heehee. on the way, we saw plenty of prostitutes at geylang. so much, and aids concentrated region. and keep seeing man arms around women walking in and out of motels. yikes. yikes. women pulling them into their places. yikes. yikes. chinatown, have prostitiutes too, but they are not so desperate. they dun really do sex that much. they go the longer way, and high end prostitues. they talk to men and fish for their money. yikes.

boring, boredom and no ideas. no ideas. study?

try to, but each tym i pick up a bok ,i feel that i know every thing. but the fact is NO!!!

magical, magical, and magics. miracles, love and joy.

i am back again. without fail huh? hahahahahaaahhahaahahahahahahahahahaha.

emo mood, switched on. yah yah... lol. crap. father dun allow me to go chalet. have to say that at least some adults go. heehee. fucking parents that leave me crying every time. went can i leave this fucking place?

FUCKER!!!!!!!! FUCKING　parents. i will die before them trust me. and that is how i am going to make them regret. regret for the rest of their life. i will surely die before them, or kill them before i die so that lesser people get hurt. i have nice home, but i am not the kind who stay still understoood? i love clubbing, drinking, all the night life. sending my days on the beach, moon tanning, SPF 0, star-gazing.

they like to see me trap so i am their little girl. hello, i am 15!!! who else as a fifteen, live a life like me. trapped in a apartment. no sun, no light, no freedom. i hate them.

i rather sell my body for a living than to live with them!!! any takers? teenage sex? leave me a msg if you are interested, no joke!!!

and bring me away to freedom. a home will no limits. how could child grow trapped in a apartment? the apartmebt is too small for me. way too small. so small. i can't walk or dance to the groove with ease. i need ideas. ideas that roam around the world. and mum won't bring me out!!! my grandma's here, just for this few weeks. and then ? the rest of the days? rot and die at home, she is to busy to even bring me. out. rot,die and stink. this is no way, a teenager could live!!!!

if dad want to live in the 1960s then dun put the 1960s style on me. i am not interested!!!!!!

let them fuck all the way to death, i am not interested in kinship any more. they are neva stable. i belong to the noble gases. so unreactive. i trust love to much for me to belive in it anymore. so, hate me a and poke me ,i am not interested.

i will act rash, but not regret. optismistic, not perssimistic. stnad up for my mistake, not relying any one.

plan and think wat my life will be like. that the only thing i could do to free myself. so? love me, and hate me. love me lots and kiss me till i die, those are not my problem anymore. how much effort i put in, they result in nth. give up and die.

if giving up is easy, i would be dead by then. there's no big thing to give up. those small and simple, added up to a big lump of promises.

can imagine that i die, parents grief and forget, friends grief and keep me as part of their memory, the class register will remain, the seat is empty, the room is empty. i would be that memory. and that's enough, but i could neva give up on something.... it's my future and dream not fufilled.

the future's too big for me to give up. if i give up one day, don't bother to even coax me and hug me to carry on. i give up means, it's the nd of every thing.

my drama:) getting on track... heehee. hope not that is would turn out boring.. heehee:) loved the story outline. but it would be an embarassment to reveal it:(　my english sucks and the story is nice to me. heehee. the story is about two separated kids. heehee. got to imagine hard. hahaha. it seems like a typical lame korean soap drama. heehee.

am i mad? getting to hyper mood more and more often. heehee. not using any of my energy now. heehee. can imagine? just watching tv all day. and, slacking. gastric that came back again. waking up yesterday, with serious pain. i can't even move. move!!! understood? then ate porridge, and recover. but i lie on my stomach. and aching like hell. but still went out and saw that hottie. but actually, i dreamed about having stomach aches last night. heehee.

tried to eat like normal today, but still... i was tempted to take something sour. heehee. immediately, i feel the burning at my stomach. heehee. carol, always predict that i get stomach cancer. did she? correct me. heehee. and, all the drinking habits and out of control for sour stuff. btw, dad, me. all the stomach problems. and i seem to inherit all my preats sickness. like sickness and gastric, and many many more.

oh dear!!! all that hottie madness yesterday and excitement:P

today was boring lame day:( lame and lame. kinda lost about wat to do with my time. woke up and slacked:)　slacking queen and really, i played slacker game on miniclip, lame though. watched to korean drama, stairways to heaven. every part of the drama was so bloody touching, haahaa. watched the second time and still the tears that flood my eyes.

then joined my dad to watch pool, which neva ends. the people keep taking turn and the no.1 ball neva got in even after like 4 or 5 turns. crazy? the game was stupid and i gave up watching, nth exciting anymore. 17 games to win. and they played like 22 games and each of them winning 1o and 12 games. lame and draggy.

dad went for dinner and refuse to bring me along, it states Richard and family, but only Richard went. family eating pathetis takeaways at home. and, i ask him not to go. maybe he felt bad when he go. the not to go and bring me along part. heehee. another excuse for more tender loving care A.K.A 'money'

writing a drama? lame drama? stupid drama? try to make it a cool one and save for my first movie which will neva happen. i will always give up halfway like before.

the hotie pool, irresistable place

out with grandma and uncle's family.

embarassment and embarassment... :(

one grandma is enough and mum just went wild with her. siao. acting the uncivillized. rush and hush. ... and my cousin almost late for his swimming lesson because of mum. went to pick him up later and wanted to swim so badly. so, so badly. and the thought of swimming in my skinny without getting caught:P i hate myself. or my folks? so.. they suck coz they only allow me to swim in the morning because of their own interest. and, i love cycling.. like so.... wth. fucking cool:P heehee. and the speed that thrills me. and they dun allow me to go fast. and my mum insist that we take a walk? ain't we taking walks? like every day? and weekends? shopping and all. AND... conclusion is that i neva get to do my favourite sport.

and.. wateva. dinner was nice. crab beehoon? the soup wat so bloody nice. heehee. and refilled the soup twice. fabulous. fantastic, marvellous. and.. heehee. it's a secret.

maybe i should let you in :P that guy at the poolside was so fucking hot. tan skin, the size, that hair, that fashion sense:P is he a guard there? or is he the coach? or he simply belonged to the club?

haahaa. maybe should go with my cuzzin for lesson. heehee. pretend to drown. hope not that fat ass save me.. that hottie pls:P

back again:)

missed my ang bao. heehee.

more ang baos? heehee

heehee. thks guys for the bdae wishes!!!

i ate takeaways last night. too lazy to get out of hse. and putting on more and more weight. heehee. my bdae, eating takeaways, and my parents bothering me abt where to have dinner. but wat's the big deal about bdae dinner. food is food, no matter how expensive it is, it still food that replanish body needs. so? and my mother tried to think of china food that i don't like. and getting dressed up just for dinner is so troublesome.

and.. i've got more money for my bunny with my bdae ang baos. heehee. heehee. and also, bunny will be my b'day gift? but i nid to extinct my hamsters for a bunny? no way. both amimals will co-exist no matter wat. heehee. my dad won't agree to a pet unless there is extinction of hamster race in the ANG family. heehee. lame. lame. lae.

and... will i give up a dog for bunny? or give up bunny for dog? or three animals that co-exist. but hamster and rabbits are rodent. a dog isn't. a dog is always a dog..

so if you want the three animals to co-exis then contact me at my tagbox if you have pups to sell at low-profit or you might just give me a pup. heehee. bunny, dog and hamster:) all female animals? the bitch and rodent-bitch club.

especially for my dearest carol.. heehee.

my? wat? my? wat?

you noe wat?

heehee.

it's a lame secret.

put in simpler words, she own me a promised gift. heehee

OMG!!! OMG!!!

wat's today's date? 8 nov.

wat's the day? thurs

wat's the celebration about? depavalli..

and?

OMG!!! it's my birthday!!!! heehee. heehee

kinda thick skinned!! heehee... thks for all the birthday wishes!!! love you guys lots!!! i turned fifteen.. officially 15.. then wat? heehee. it's 3 more years to 18.. 18 is so.. wateva. big decisions and great dreams. and self monetary control. and no more parents. and a new bike? car? my licenses. heehee

but today was just another boring day. watched movies poseidon, such a thriller. and no gore. hate gore. yuck. and that made me not want to go on a cruise. heehee. heehee. and why the people bother to struggle to survive? why? so hard just to survive? lame. lame. die. die. die. just jump down and die pretty. heehee. struggle and struggle.

wateva. my parents just fuss about wat to eat for my birthday. wat's the big deal about eating? food? just things that keep life going? does it matter even we eat fast food for birthday? lame. lame. no excitemment for birthday this year. bored by the ways i celebrate my birthday. and it's always with me and my parents. and friends? hate it. will ask all my friends and extended family for a sea side barbecue. when? 17? lame..

grandma, with me!!!

lol... but my fucking father seems to have something against her. refuse to wash at the same sink, wat's his problem? he thinks that grandma is... dunnoe wat. yah yah. i too have something against him!!! stupid old bastard.

he came to use my toilet, then... i can't stand his hygiene standard. spitting in the sink, one thing i do not do. wat's the problem? smoking? spitting? and he did the kaaaaaaapiu!!! so so loudly!!! hello, can't he not act like a low-class for one day? and worse, his is a man... A man!!! i hate men in my toilet, not normal men, but men like him!!! some middle age man. and everytime he used my toilet, i will clean it. clean freak? no, i don't want to touch things that he touched before. especially toilet!!!

so,so, so, unhygienic person!!! toilet, is like the place that keep me still for a long time. i read a book inside, change and all that stuff. and use it for more than 3 hrs inside.. and he came to use it, it's like so intruding my privacy. even though i have no secrets inside. but it just feel like being intruded, by a man. and it don't feel like my own place anymore. my own private place, A.K.A comfort zone. so...

then, how? he avoid the other toilet, then how to avoid him? go where? hell?

but, i am being mean here. i kept my toothpaste. heehee.. heehee. then how? he don't have to brush!!! imagine his brush.. so dirty touching tip of my tooth paste? can't stand it. his oral hygiene is like so... worse!!!! worse!!! so worse that you can't stand it. decay, falling tooth. and he don't brush oftenly. yikes!!! yikes!!!

he often ask me why i share my drinks and food with the whole world but not him? ask himself, bad breath nad decay. my friends don't even have decay and bad breaths.

btw, skipped school today!!! boring math and chemistry!!! chemistry sucks. tried to understand chemistry, but my mind just dun work to find logic in chemistry. do the people even care? yikes. hope to go out with grandma today.

stupid school!!!

tried so hard to get up from bed and turned out that classes are cancelled. knn. ass. can't the teachers inform us earlier. and things are really so last minute in school. the class just stay around 3rd level and played or chat. sianzzz. Amanda is just so... 1,2,3,4... heehee. and played with my hamster. heehee. in school. why? coz unfaithful owners lyk me had left it at amanda's place.

then basketball.. did not play. amanda climbed over the fence and stuck. attracted so much attraction. being stuck at the low stupid fence for like half and hour. exaggeration. lalalala. she is just stuck siiting on the fence. i was stuck there before but not as long. and caused so much disturbance. heehee. but if you haven't tried that before, pls try. one memory of being bad in school. maybe for girls, kinda exciting. heehee. nice experience. and the person who surpport people. TONY YEO!!! lame. lame. hahaaha.

they played and i and jy disturb my hamster. put it in nicholas's pocket of his shirt. hahaha. lol. but pms struck like almost every body? i was just clueless and.... stuck and went off early. btw, the door was opened after amanda climbed over. she just wasted some effort. heehee.

heard the grandma's coming over. hope that she really comes

my babies!!! and to mushroom pot restuarant for mushroom steamboat..

today's sunday!!! and the bad news is that tml's MONDAY!!!

started a journal for my cuming bunny. the process:) eg. how stupid i was when i save up for the equipments and stuff.

Life's all about process:) process when you were born, process when you are studying, process when you are dating. and we are in the process of breathing and many many things that happen around and inside.

heehee. tml's chemistry and math lesson and the same for the rest of the week. how to cope will two boring subjects that i dun look forward to. hate me and love me. to be and how to be.

must be faithful!!! wish me luck...

and...


REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

IT"S ON THE 8TH!!!

DEEPAVALI!!!

THURSDAY!!!

give me lots and lots of money.

i would prefer that to gifs.

AND!!!! Carol, my robvoski hamster:)

Bastard parents, hypocrite. they just claimed thta they love me. LOVE me, who else love me other than my hamsters or pets? i dun tink so that anyone does.

Class bbq, so much fun but not as fun as last tym. it's just another bbq. a gathering like last everytime. people dun really play now, but just concentrate on the food. the pool's in 1.8-1.4m and Jia Ying almost drowned me. She can't swim, part of my mistake that i brought her towards the deep pool. lame, she just panicked and i almost drown when she tried to push me down and get herself air. i did not drink much water, just struggled. and even when i calmed down, she keep struggling and she just refuse to stand and walk. TIPTOE.. in the confusion of life and death. i struggled and see white and black.

i thought that it's a good thing that i survived. SURVIVED... many people and i thked god for me surviving.. but after i came home. i just feel like mixing detergent in my drink and die. die. i love my friends, but they are just like a dream. for a short part of my life that i can spend my time with them. but i have to face my parents every day and night. i hate them!!! just just say that allow me to explain and talk to them, giving me the best education. NO!! they dun., thay dun give talks, chat of even discussion. even if i explain wat they said is wrong, they dun give a damm. they just scold and scold. not giving me a chance to explain and hear me out. i explained, nicely, nicely. wat they say? 'i dun care'!!! hey.. what's the fucking problem with them??

if they dun care, then leave that so called 'educating' system. they are not even listening. just give me a slap or beat me up, then forget about the whole thing.

maybe god or some thing, luck? is playing on me. they noe that i feel like dying. and tried me out. but i just feel that 'omg, thks that i do not leave this world. i still have plenty of things that i did not do.'. but it all ends when i reach home. ends. i do not like them. i do not like to be with them. they have changed. i could not recognize them anymore.

btw, my dad is a drunkard. he drink more and more beer now. he is not in a clear mind. everytime. he is neva clear. NEVA!!! he just scream and shout, unwilling to hear people out and listen. he is sensitive and always mistook wat people says. and always result in arguments.

my mum just like to pretend to be fierce and lame. laugh at me when i being scolded. so? laugh all you want and choke on yr own tongue. suck up at my dad. they are just a pair of ugly hypocrite parents. hypocrites.

if you dun want me to die then, take me away.... far away where no one knows who i am. away from all the troubles. i have no joy and love in life anymore. they are moving and running away from me.

Bastard parents, hypocrite. they just claimed thta they love me. LOVE me, who else love me other than my hamsters or pets? i dun tink so that anyone does.

Class bbq, so much fun but not as fun as last tym. it's just another bbq. a gathering like last everytime. people dun really play now, but just concentrate on the food. the pool's in 1.8-1.4m and Jia Ying almost drowned me. She can't swim, part of my mistake that i brought her towards the deep pool. lame, she just panicked and i almost drown when she tried to push me down and get herself air. i did not drink much water, just struggled. and even when i calmed down, she keep struggling and she just refuse to stand and walk. TIPTOE.. in the confusion of life and death. i struggled and see white and black.

i thought that it's a good thing that i survived. SURVIVED... many people and i thked god for me surviving.. but after i came home. i just feel like mixing detergent in my drink and die. die. i love my friends, but they are just like a dream. for a short part of my life that i can spend my time with them. but i have to face my parents every day and night. i hate them!!! just just say that allow me to explain and talk to them, giving me the best education. NO!! they dun., thay dun give talks, chat of even discussion. even if i explain wat they said is wrong, they dun give a damm. they just scold and scold. not giving me a chance to explain and hear me out. i explained, nicely, nicely. wat they say? 'i dun care'!!! hey.. what's the fucking problem with them??

if they dun care, then leave that so called 'educating' system. they are not even listening. just give me a slap or beat me up, then forget about the whole thing.

maybe god or some thing, luck? is playing on me. they noe that i feel like dying. and tried me out. but i just feel that 'omg, thks that i do not leave this world. i still have plenty of things that i did not do.'. but it all ends when i reach home. ends. i do not like them. i do not like to be with them. they have changed. i could not recognize them anymore.

btw, my dad is a drunkard. he drink more and more beer now. he is not in a clear mind. everytime. he is neva clear. NEVA!!! he just scream and shout, unwilling to hear people out and listen. he is sensitive and always mistook wat people says. and always result in arguments.

my mum just like to pretend to be fierce and lame. laugh at me when i being scolded. so? laugh all you want and choke on yr own tongue. suck up at my dad. they are just a pair of ugly hypocrite parents. hypocrites.

Yeah!!!! skippedlesson today:) mum kinda piss off. i prepare everything, then dragged the time, then say, it's late, not going anymore. hee. but got to noe from serene nerd that it's 8.00 not 10.00, in another words i did not skip. not imformed of the time change. heehee.

btw. my WHITE hamster gave birth!!!! one gd news of this moody day. so cute!!! thought that the only male has died and then... extinction of hamster, but dun expect it to be so smart, fucking and female before dying. then babies, ant 3 or 4. then can.... have more and more, hoping that are males in them. hoping that, more and more hamsters again. heehee. that means also my guess is rite, i guess that it was pregnant:).. heehee. the swollen belly, protuding 6 nipples. heehee.

bbq today:) then can have lots of fun.

but nowadays, mum seems like a stranger to me. in the past, even if she argued with me, i still noe that, in the inside, she cares. and now, i dun feel any care, or love.

embarassment day at vivo.
my heels gave me blister and i have to like hobble and hobblbe.
took them off and walked in BAREFOOT instead, more of the embarassed by it. tried to ignore every one....

and i brought the bunny equipments, YEAH!!! love myself so much. and thk god that my cashcrad worked and i dun have to spend so much... cashcard money is all from dad.. heehee..

bbq at prabhu's hse tml. heehee..