she is only happy when i am dead, you might think that death of the children is the end for parents. NO, you are wrong, for my parents, they just cry and forget about it, talk about it occationally and simply let it go.

they do it the cruel way, of forgetting the dead. they will feel better when i am better off dead, so they dun have to worry anymore. they just live on their own and have the couple live. i won't have to worry when i am dead, they won't have to worry if i am dead. if you thnk that i am bad child, just rant all you want. curse and swear and me, i dun care.

being dead is a good thing you lost yr feelings, losing the senses. layin there while the worms fed on me. but there is too much for me to give up, i want to experience life. experience being a grown up and eveything in life, experience all sorts of troubles and knowing how to solve them... I just want to die when i look like a dried prune and all the experience, to die as a wise one.

my mum is getting more naggy, more troubles for me. she just want every thing clean and neat. scolding me for every speck of dust in my room scolding and nagging. fucking irritated by her, i want to go out badly and live on my own, be a independant person, be some one who can face the troubles and solve it myself.

Excitement for me today, skool is boring. holilday lesson are the worse kind of thing you can ever imagine.

feeling excited as i am walking towards the pet shop. just so excited. i am getting a rabbit soon. can you imagine that? it's so cool!!! rodents are just so furry and cute, with that neva-say-drop front tooth. i feel like jogging, when i was hungry just now, i turned fat, the pants tht i used to wear are just tight at the thighs. oh dear, it used to be SOOOOO loose. i nid to cut down on my food, increase excercise. lose that fucking layer of fats underneath my skin. it's not cool and it's ugly, i am so the FAT!!!getting ready for a new member at home, not baby. a pet.. my room is bunny safe, it's just safe for it to run about..

Feeling that i will strangle my parents one day..

talk crap about my results. they never knew wat i want, wat ME　is all about. they neva knew. i am already picking up on my main sciences and math. but wat's more do they want? mum knew nth, and refuse to hear my explanations. think i am just giving up, can they always look on the bright side? the brigther side of my results.. fucking crap they are. they just noe how to stop me.. i won't study even if they stop me from watching drama, but, here blogging abt how they sux!!! they dun even understand wat i want in life. they think that by stopping me from the things i am doing will do me gd. but DO they noe how 'I' feel. they crap all the time. and mum is a disaster, she only know hoe to listen to fucking teachers and scold me. they look at the bloody combined marks, the mini tests that pulls me down to bottom pit. they dun even know that i have done well for my math, physics, and bio THIS term. Fucking idiots like them having idiotic kids like me. they sucks

combined marks is nth to me.. pls.. they just listen to people who dun even understand me. understand me. they just like to crap. i dun want to study for their sake. but my own well being. and my dad, just know how to listen to his own wife talk.. full trust in her thinjing that she s smart in every way. SMART?? if she is smart, the world population will be full of genius.

they really nid to understand parenting from every one else. they only know that those people from the local market will give them gd parenting tips, how to be the old fashioned parenting style. i will move out of this place once i grow up and no BYES for them. sob for all they want, i don't even care if they all humans.

and god.. pls, every one says that parents are angels sent by god to take gd care of kids. but why the orphans around? they have no angels by the side. and my pair of angels suck. they dun care abt wat's inside. just the superfical, did they care if i am well and alright? are they by my side when i cry? they just doze off.

even when i cry during my lowest, they will think that i am a cry baby. tear gland are made to produce tears, rite? and duh, i cry. brain is made so complicated with the logics, dreams, memories and emotions. and again, that's why i cry. i cry. i cry. i cry.

but to the people outside, pls forgive me for blogging abt my fucking parents. they give me all the superficial love that i want,not nid. did they even care about how i cry my heart out at night? my mum just slept by my side, and she knows nth. they are just the old and ALMOST extinct parents, they belong to the past not now. they talk about how dirty my room is. as long they dun step in it, it's not their prob.

how my parents critize me. how they think that using a strict voice will help. no use, i will just get worse. they like to compare me with other nerds. nerds that go home before 5pm and me, a GIRL who comes back at midnight. they always says that a girl should go home early... blah,blah,blah. sexist. bias. men and women equal.

and while i am blogging, she offered me a job, at her friends. selling bubble tea. LC!!! at marine parade, i live in the west. so far and offered me to stay at her hse which is near. who the mother fucking cares? and said that the auntie own daughter of the same age as me has to study. who cares? waho cars? that means i dumb, dun nid to study. yah, better still. any way, no one cares rite? her request just insulted me straight. so hurt, tat i might break down any time.

i won't work part time any where other than a pet shop.. understood???

and my dad just came in and told me off. wth hell man? just after a few paragrah of words, they come knocking at the door.... they came again.... that's my result again. again!!!! yah yah... i noe you would die go to the graveyard,and me to the future... imagine this live... live at yr home. live telecast of my life. 5 mins intervals between lectures, i will really go mad one day. MAD.. i am really 50% mad now.

i rather that i die before they do... they are the cause. my wish is to let them see this entry after i die. i am practically nagging at my readers? is there any readers any way? hee.

cheer me up, being insulted and cursed at every 5mins is not a easy life. bring me away to wonderland. fawaway land, sucky land, hunk's land., toilet land. fucking land of kids. they make me want to end my life even 80 years before my time's up. fucking idiotic parents. i long for a brother, that could save me or share my lectures with me at home. but i dun even know him and he is dead 3 years back. and at that time i called him uncle, not gege. and now i neva have the chance.

Heehee. I gettign rabbit soon!!!!

love rodent animals

weather turned cool for rainy season.. love it totally.

took back results today... kinda sickening:(
Must work hard!!
I nid to push myself, but this few days i can't be bother to do anything than to slp and watch videos:)getting really my workshop:) hahaha.. kinda happy abt that. but evry thing in my room was so the messy.... having lots of events this holiday.. i nid to keep myself busy for the drive. i want to drive myself hard that i hit against the wall. doing the best for all. academic and in my hobbies=arts. my mum always want to get a cert or lesson for her self in fashion design, dragging me along with her. wateva, but she is bothered by the cost. hahaha. i cna take the course.. part my of interest actually. btw, i have no interest. even i like the arts, i can get into it. indepth of it. i have no devotion at all.

and my dad want to get himself baptised, as a catholic. me want to, but he nid me to study catholism before i go baptise. so, how? i am not the kind into religion, belive completely in it, and devotion in it even second mf my life. i am so not a faithful person, there no routine in my life, no system, no law and no boundaries. i can't make myself belive in things, things that are not seen. even friends, i can't entirely trust them. keeping all the secrets to myself, all the stuff..

maybe i should make up list for myself, the behavioural problem list. keeping track of all my problems and hoping that weirdos like me could bind together and live in the same house. no conflict, no problems and no arguments. in another way, i am just another weirdo. if you simply feel that i am not one, then tell me. at least i won't feel weird anymore.

List of behavioural problems:
1.Not sharing toilet with family. No one at all.
2.Not sharing my computer, even if they use different accounts.
3.Neva sit on my bed.
4.Dun step into my room, even i dun have much secrets..
5.Dun touch my things
6.Touching me when i am sick.Physically.
7.Not to take my things out of my room.
8.Closing my doors and windows, even if the air-con is not on.
9.Lov to do non-exam activities during exam.
10.Dun put yr face to near to mine. When talking.
11.Dun sit near me, when i am warm.
12.Not talking on the phone. isn't it better to talk face-to-face?
13.Even if i speak on the phone, i refuse to listen to wat the other party says.
14.arranging clothes in my wardrobe according to occasions.
15.breeding hamsters, despite knowing that it's hard to keep so many.
16.avoiding family or relative outings
17.Listening to music when i am bathing
18.Drinking excessive water.
19.Loves deep sleeps.
20.Dun like people to touch.
21.Being a proud left hander
22.hate school, but still goes to school
23.Would not go home until the sun sets if i am out all day.
24.Not studying until exams starts.
25.Blogging excessively abt myself.

The chinatown pics she just broke a toe i am that auntie.. with all our bags

my pics!!!! so cute? veggies that look like amamda's hair, disecting fish, hamsters!!!!!

BACK TRACKING (24/10)

Went Out!!! To lame shit Chinatown. Can't belive the 5 imps can stay there for the entire day:)

Still yet to get pictures from yeelin:( She brought a camera and took a hell lots of pictures with it. :) like some stupid bunch of people in the mist of chinatown with all the folks, taking pics like so ....

yingting droppped her contacts, had broken shoe. and yeelin, a swollen, feet.

praise and leow were like two innocent kids. went home at 6.30...

that's it for the night..

hey people out there, it's long since i update!!!

been so busy with renovations for my rooms. have to shift my stuff ALL to other parts of my room and trust me, it's not EASY!!! got my stuff from IKEA.. so that i can design it MY WAY.. just lame shit ways... all the furniture which is black-brown color.

but still, my room is in a mess :)

nid to back track and update on the past days..

BACK TRACKING!! (24/10)

painted my room!!

Exams are FINALLY　over!!!
Let's hang out!!!
Going out today with Yeelin dar aniwae, plus praise and guys.
Amamda Prabhu AttitudED us also and Gun..
Bang!!! Bang!!!!

Still missing Erin..
MAJOR changes this year.
1.Rebecca left
2.Change of Class: This took me a long while before i could actually settle
and make new friends.
3.Yee Lin Ran away: She is one that i stick to every day in school, hideouts,
play and talk abotu girly secrets
4.Erin left for Cananda: She is one that i stick to this year, found close
friend but was later taken away.
5.Waiting for end year results: Not considered a change, but sth that keeps my
heart beating so quickly
6.You got attached: It bothers me alot, cause the girl is just another bitch
that you do not like. and me do not like too <

Happy Birthday Erin!!!

Say hi to holidays..
Making new creations.
Learning how to make journals from recycled materials.：）
Get the tutorial here, from five and a half ＜ＢＲ＞miss erins lots.
going out tml...YAY!!!!

bio's over!! Lit over!!!
Crying out loud that those subjects that i care are over!!!
Yeah!!! and remains are slacks..
I miss the every day shopping days.
Doing my loves....

So worried that i would drop till 4NA... drop... HELLO!!!
Or retain. You hear that？？？？
I hope not...

Then some girl in my class flow her blood all on the floor. Disgusted me.lots.
Thks for her, i no mood to eat.
BUY TIGHT PANTIES CAN???
Dun worry i will buy for you one..
People have to clean up for her..
hope that dun happen to me..
:)

3 subs left... yay!!!
Chinese not counted.

You holding hands, walking so closely.

Today's moody sunday. it's a sunday and i still have to mug like hell, just to get a passing grade. Sigh... Sigh.. Just 5 more days, 5 more days of struggle, 5 more days of idiotic books around me.

Things i want to do after exam:
1.Embriodary
2.Felt purse
3.Learn to sew on a machine.
4.Source for materials
5.Make a brooch
6.Make soft toys
7.Halloween Goodies for my friends
8.Extreme shopping
9.Go malaysia
10.Prepare for 'O's
11.Make plenty of Jewellary
12.Scrape booking
13.Gift wrapping
14.Notebook covers
15.Noticeboard deco
16.LOOK FOR A BUNNY...

I dun even know if i have enough time to make all these in time.

fine.. let's talk abt thursday..

we had geography/history and english. Played truth or dare during the break. not truth but dare only. we dared each other to kiss and hug, plus to do sexy guy-gay stuff.

1)Carol said "I Love You" to her shermond dar..
2)Nicholas, 'My butt is hot' saliva-butt sizzle
3)Jin carried Alvin round the room.
4)simin hugged Nicholas.
5)Carol hugged Nicholas too. (gd for nicholas)
6)I kissed amanda, By the CHEEK only. (i am obviusly not les pls.)
7)Alvin boob dance
8)Jia Ying messed up the boy's card.
9)Yuqi's marriage proposal to Serene
10)End and scramble for exams...

-----------------------------------------------
Then friday stuff...

nth much, just went home to slack after exams.

-----------------------------------------------
Today...

Stayed at home to lecture dad for buying his fishing stuff more than hundred bucks. So unreasonable, a bait for 10 bucks, and he brought 10++ of that.
--------------------------------------
Thks for updating for my SAKE!!!
I misssssssssssss you so much...
I love you too.
but i hate you so much for making me tear so much...

Physics tml!!! and SS wat a bad combination...
will slack for SS trying to study last minute for it.
We study for the sake of studying. Poor Kids..
7 more days of tortue and 8 papers to gp through..
Exams is a waste of paper, people dumping so much scrap paper after exams.

and, we get back our scripts and chuck aside.
a heap of paper is used..
Poor trees.
Environmentalist should do something abt it.
Stop EXAMS!!!

Geo and Eng 2tml. Slack...

leave this mess with me together. i dun want to die
leaving this mess for a better place is the best for me.
I want to do my own things. not to be controlled by school work and all .
i want my own life.
i want to do my own things


bring me away from this mess, i feel disgusted by myself.
No one cares and me to leave for a place far far away and sart anew.
to start from sratch. Every thing. Every part of my life.
Time Place And Date. I will decide on that soon.
i nid to turn this mess upside down. mess makes me sad and depressed.
i want to start anew.

9 days to go.. Hope they pass like normal school week

Prince And me was poor
But he is rich

I wear like a dork
But he is just another Prince