JAC-A-LICIOUS

2010-02-03T22:42:00.001+08:00

Why am i not studyin?!?!?

Sheryl just told me that i got 17.5/30 for afa. WTF. I used to get A one lor!!! KNNBCB!!!

I shall work hard today and tml!!

My mum said that i could only smoke after she dies. LOL.

KNNBCB. LOL.

Like she ever talks to me nowadays. She just shout, also, dunnoe for what. Like today, she ask me to get a haircut.. And i said ok.. Then walk around for a few moments, then she asked if i want to cut my hair for CNY anot, if not, never mind.

Since i hate getting haircuts.. I went to sleep..

She just walk in and scream.. YOU DUN WANT TO GET HAIRCUT IS IT!?!?!? LOL.

Say nvm then scream at me for what? LOL!

This is either my mum.. OR another traits of women. Sighs..

This is one reason i hate stayin at home. Unless i am very sleepy:)

2010-01-28T23:26:00.001+08:00

Take care!! jr!!

I was just thinking about my grandma on the train just now..

I didnt visit her for more than a year, before she passed away. I miss everything bout her, her wrinkled skin( i never failed to pull it when i was young), her loud voice, asking me to get out of the toilet, how she helped me when i was young, how she accompanied me in the crazy rampage to search for coins at home just to fill up my piggy bank, how she bought stuff for us every time she lives with us..

After she passed away, the family sort of dispersed, separated… There is no longer new year gatherings.. only except to pray for her anniversary..

How i missed her… When she died, the family died with her too..

I feel like shit, when i think of her.. Where is she? i can never see her again, i wanna find her, talk to her, touch her.. Why?

Why do i miss her so suddenly? It’s been almost a year.. I miss her.. Like crazy..

I am afraid of death.. Not my own eventual death of cancer or disease.. But, death of people around me. Why do people die?

Dead.. Not even the corpse can be seen, touched. What’s left of a person is only their bones, ashes. Or nth at all..

It’s hard for me to accept death, it’s not that logical, it’s more than that to just a person’s silent heart.

I am afraid, who else is going to die? Who is next? My grandfather? He got admitted to the hospital once, and i was so worried that something would actually happen.. That feeling is not nice. I am never there, in malaysia… I dun noe what is happening there. It sucks to worry…

Though nothing happened.. But it just keeps me worrying bout them, all the time. And it sucks..

All the WHAT IFS…

I might just breakdown…

It been hard for everyone who lost someone dear…

Miss gran.. I dun wanna know who’s next…

2010-01-27T03:59:00.001+08:00

I feel like a bitch.

I do not want things to be this way, but, i really do not have time for all this bullshit anymore.

I wanna work, study and play:)

I feel.. That i changed..

Either that, or i am too lazy to voice out. To talk about anything anymore….

And..

KNNBCB!! that shiity customer(student), think his math so good arh?

fuckin try to reason out.. His brain better than the cash machine meh?!?! He think his calculation skills so fucking good.

Trying to point out mistakes..

But hor, lose one la.. LOL. Tio suan by his friends somemore.. HAHA.

So fucking haolian.. See his face.. WANNA PUNCH HIM LIAO…

2010-01-26T02:13:00.001+08:00

The bright moon, the starry night.

HOW I WISH I WERE AT A BEACH OR HOLIDAY NOW!!!

Everyone is going to malaysia!! My dad, people from work. GRrr. Cant wait for my holidays so that i could go malaysia too!!

And skate endlessly from one end of singapore to another. It will be like heaven..

I wish.. i was a freelancer.. no sch, no definite job. Just play ard, and work like crazy on days:)

I might be a workaholic.. I think, when i really work, i cant stop..

Washing my clothes.. :) i never fail to put too much detergent!!

At work with jr, in fugly uniform:)

i do admit getting a bit sick of jr.. See her day and night, school and work.. I see her more than i see my com, parents, dog… :(

Empty train!!! I take trains home like this every single night… It’s peaceful, calming.. I take my unglam naps here… :)

2010-01-24T01:40:00.001+08:00

disastrous.

either is it because i am too tired.. or..

i did alot of mistakes today, and felt so fucked up for the whole entire day…

Eating too much really sucks!!!!

Work…

2010-01-23T01:45:00.001+08:00

i was deployed to learn runner from WZ today!! lol.

They said that few girls can make it for runner. Mostly guys lor.. SOBS… (Cause stronger!!)

Then michelle call me miss runner. Grrr..

Runner is damn slack, maybe because usually there is only one runner. (of i actually become one, i might have to flame prawns/lobster: use butane flame to burn the sauce in front of the customer. GRRRR. I hate fire!!!

I miss doing station (normal waitress stuff). LOL. Cause.. Being a talkative person, and marketing student.. Asking me to talk to forks and spoon is abit tiring.. HAHA.

And.. I did closing for the restuarant.. In order for Hong to help me stack up tables.. I said that he was handsome(GOSH!!)

And he was like..

‘Dont copy Nwe tricks..’

‘No la.. you really handsome, this is what every girl uses..’

‘I thought you say i nabu (pervert in Burmese), got malaysian qiang ,stare at your legs!?!?!’

Me, ‘ No la, it’s normal for a guy to stare at girls legs one.. ‘

‘Wha… now become.. normal?!?!?!’

LOL.

It’s true that the pervert got stare at my ugly legs lor!!! He was like… Laughing at the way i sit while i eat (damn rough) .. Then.. During the briefing ( i sat cross legged), he was like pointing at my legs ‘Nah!! This is the way a girl should seat what!!!’

Then at first he still claim that, if i stare that means at least yr legs not bad liao.. (Motherfucking shit)

[Throughout these times my leg was under a table!!]

Sicko Hong, Nabu hong..

And.. I am growing freakin fat!!! Grrr..

Reasons:

1) you cant help it since you work at a place where there is like all my favourite fastfood restuarants around

2) My favourite fastfood, KFC, is just beside the restuarant…

3) My manager treats us mc chicken at 11.10pm..

4) I might just be a bit happier and decides to eat more.

5) I feel hungry all the time…

KNNBCB!!

2010-01-22T11:26:00.001+08:00

I am blogging this in that’s teacher’s class, maisie is beside me blogging bout this biatch as well:)

POM teacher sucks. Maisie was like avoiding her, pretend to transfer thing from mac to windows in her macbook.

SHE ACTUALLY STOOD BEHIND AND WAITED!?!?!

Like wtf rite?

then after maisie and sheryl cannot show her work.. She called me?

She is a biatch.

She told me lessons ago that she was not going to give me CP marks. So, wat’s the point of her trying to ask me to ans? WTF rite?

She KNEW that i dont do her work.

It’s like wtf rite?

LOL.

And yesterday.. i finally got enough sleep!!! LOL. I slept in the living room after dinner. Till bedtime. HAHA. at 11. HAHAHA. I slept at 11!! :)

And.. yet, i still feel like sleeping when i got on the train.

My mum gave me allowance, my dad gave me money for bus fare. I am rich!!! Can’t wait for payday.. :)

I would be fucking rich.

My parents said that they would give me anything/ amt of money as long as i dont work? like wtf?

But working is fun + busy.. Being busy is better than slackin at home…

I will speak chinese in malaysian accent for.. whole day.. shld i ? then piss the whole world off.

haha.

Dinner

2010-01-19T00:19:00.001+08:00

Went to MFM @ J8!!

Lol. it totally makes no sense to dine there since we work there and get free food once in a while. (Btw, we just ate there last nite!!)

LOL. We (Jr, Sheryl, Maisie) went there for dinner still. Ordered the same stuff as what the manager treated us last night. GRRR..

Are we mad? And ordered Mudpie too!! We do get that free if there is leftovers. HAHAHA. Lol.

We ordered platter for two. And demand to add on rice and chips. LOL. Then WZ said that he would help us get extra portion of rice and chips:) So, we are quite full still!! HAHA.

(Totally made me feel damn cheapo..)

But hor, the rice and chips arrived after we ate finish everything.
“Why you all eat so fast one?!?!?”

We are like guest, well, we are. (Not on duty what!!) And got the manager(HEHE) to help us get flaming sauce to go with the rice. LOL. We didnt order drinks.. I went there myself to get free one. LOL.

M.O.D. was like, ‘Are you on shift?’

Me, ‘No?’

‘Then?’ (I almost wanted to cry… In case he said no..)

‘Huh?

‘Go drink la…’

HAHA. feel damn bad to seat there to be served though we are not on duty. LOL. I just feel bad to sit there while people work.. I AM SIAO! Manager serve us wo.. LOL.

Friend

2010-01-19T00:07:00.001+08:00

A friend is a friend.

If a relationship is there. It’s there. Nothing could affect it.
Maybe it’s never there?

Relationships between humans are never logical. It’s a feeling. A kind of love. Can’t see it, can’t touch it.. You can only feel it.

Friends

2010-01-16T00:19:00.001+08:00

Friends give you laughter, memories..

As well as affecting yr emotions, controlling yr emotions.

I am obviously not caring about my studies anymore, i get diploma with a pass… I CLAP MY HANDS AND SHOUT, “Finally!!!”.

But why am i feeling so stressed up? Even my freaking menstrual cycles are giving me all kinds of symptoms of being stressed!

I am stress, for… Nth! I have no idea what is it.

Well, i might be losing a friend. I am supposed to feel sad, go cry, kill myself and all that shit. But, i still feel nth! Like a living zombie, so many things left undone, walking, living like someone without life.

What is it that i really want to do? My craft business?

That’s maybe at the top. But, all this shit, all this sch shit. All this problems. I cant possibly dump them and create sth for myself rite?

I nid to solve these problems. But, what are these problems?

I cant see it, don’t know anything, don’t know the source of the problem. How to i go about solving it?

And, my dad is talking to me again. My mum, is talking to much to me. They are suspecting that i am smoking.. No matter wat i say, though they seems to believe that i dont smoke… But still, they keep asking me not to smoke? WTF? (Well, i am smoking, but trying to keep it from them).

They are talking/ talking too much to me. Totally hilarious.

Like trying to educate/ counsel me. And all that stuff. Give me WRONG real life examples. And even ask me to encourage someone that i dun really hang out with to quit smoking. How cute rite?

Ask me(smoker) to ask the other guy to quit smoking. OMG.

I rather that they ignore me. Give me space for a while, something that i really need now. So, that i might think better. Not be rash.

Rite? Wrong?

Wateva.

Btw!!!! I bought a new 2010 planner!! It’s weird for me to buy planners since i am making them. But!! It’s really nice and the format of the pages are totally my style!! And it look vintage. AND!!! WITH THE LITTLE PRINCE’S GRAPHICS!! Don’t ask me why i like him. But he is just so innocent and pure:)

That’s advantage of being a kid, child.

I choose that planner for so long!! It’s from art friend, btw. I was actually squatting down, deciding, looking at it. Then, being overly indecisive, my legs grew tired from squatting that i knelt down on the floor. HAHAHA!!!

Can i be less in decisive?

Yesterday…

I chose between writing my plans on cue cards.. Choosing the sizes for damn freaking long!! Ended up with the large one, decide to place it all on a huge art canvas at the end of the year. :)

But ended up, thinking of adding them into a album… (go choose album).. For god knows how long!! Wat size? Brand? Colour? Price? Done! The black one!

But…. I saw small notebooks, mini kind. Decide to buy a set of 12 and decorate the cover. didn’t really like it, stick to cue cards.

Then… i saw those ZIP diskette boxes!! Like kinda thick and nice:) Decide to add cards into the ZIP boxes!! A box for a mth!!! Yeah! :):)

I spent like almost 1.5 hrs on choosing the cue cards. WTF!!!

Then dump it, and went with the ZIP box idea.

I was practically walking up and down the aisle, whether to use cue cards or ZIP boxes. Hmmm.. Then.. Waste much time. Arrived around 1, left bookshop at 3 just to choose the materials+ ideas for 2010 planners.

But… End up hor… I dump all that for a planner:) My The Little Prince planner:) LOL!!

OMG. I shld be more decisive rite?

I think i might be going crazy. But alot of people say.. I alrd am!!! WTF!!!

2010-01-13T23:34:00.001+08:00

I am blogging.. Like again.

I rmb how i used to like the fact that my cousin coming singapore to work might be a good thing. Remembering how i yearn that he could actually by my brother.

Now, that fact might be partially true. He is always around. Come down for dinner and stay over every weekend. really like a brother.

But i became fucking pissed. Utterly pissed with this person. Like he is always so proud and stingy, doing the wrong actions. Bringing him out along with our family totally disgrace us.

Why i hate him?

1) he sucks. like totally.

2) his is stingy. (CHI REN)

Why? He has always think that he could live off my dad. Like during weekends, he would eat off us. Like dinner. Or even lunch. And he said it himself. He would eat what he can at the warehouse, then come over for dinner, in this way he wont have to spend cent. He came consecutively for dunnoe how many weekends that i decide to shoo him off.

He bloody hell works since 15 (20 this year). He has money. He is a guy. When my grandma brought him over to SG, he didnt start work till after a mth. HE BLOODY HELL LIVE OFF MY GRANDMA (SOMEONE RETIRED) FOR A MTH. eat off her for every meal and dun bother to offer to pay once. And fucking pissed that even when the food is self service, he expects my limping gran to carry food over to him. He is a grown man for goodness sake. Wtf rite? So tall and strong.

SCENE 1: We are done eating chicken chop at hawker, he just arrive. Sat down. He wanted to try, so, mum brought him to order. The food came shortly and he is SUPPOSE to pay rite? He didnt, he took a look a my mum and dad for dunnoe how many seconds before taking out his money to pay. Even my parents tu lan la! Expect them to pay meh? My dad wouldnt mind paying if he is NOT THIS KIND OF PERSON, or the food arrvie tgt la!

And hor, my dad likes to drink. Him too.. They will order beer, whenever he eats. Treat him so many fucking times la! He wont zhi dong one lor. And is my dad and grandma brought him over from malaysia bad pay, to this better paying job. He fuckin dunnoe how to repay kindness meh?

Once, there is a phone, for old people to use. He was like freakin reluctant to buy it for grandma la! it’s like 1/17 of his pay only? Wtf? She freakin bought him here!!!!

Even when he goes out with his work friend, play pool and all that.. He dun bother to PPPAAAAAYYY!!

Last one, and hor, dunnoe how he spend his money one. He draw like 180 dollars every day since jan 8. His bank kosong dollar liao. But, he just got his pay:) Who is the suay person he live off?

Wait, also, his mum knew bout this, asked him, ‘then yr company trip to MELAKA how?’ He replied, ‘live off uncle la!'(MY DAD).

3) Heartless guy.

He clearly enjoys the freedom and city life of SG. HE DUN MISS ANY ONE OF HIS FAMILY AT ALL. Nvm, he is alone, no friends, no family. He wont know how pathetic he would be when in trouble. Worst, no gang even la!

He dun visit grandma when he freaking past by her hse every single day. Grandma only get to see him during CNY when he live less than 1km away? and passes by her hse everyday?

Well, he thinks that he could survive without friends and family. Let him be.

4) Oh, he thinks he is so fucking great.

He attempted to rule over me (but failed). He thinks by being older, he could rule over me? I shld freaking listen to him just because he is older over such minor stuff? Wtf? Rite?

Well, even my parents dun rule over me that way!!!

He thinks that salesmen buys food for him just to suck up to him. People treat him like gd friend then do that what.

Suck up to him for what? WWHO IS HE? He thinks that he is god. He is just a ASISTANT STORE KEEPER. Salesmen could suck up to buyers and managers in the outlets to increase sales rather than him rite?

Bullshit.

5) seeing his face just makes me damn tu lan.

Well, no reason. He might just be ugly.

6) He want me to teach and not listen.

He has bought a pair of cheapo skates. He wants me to teach.

GUESS WHAT? he just doesnt listen. Do scooter turn, scared. PRACTISE LAH!!! And he is always stuck to that god ugly A-frame turn. Wtf rite? Then keep saying things that makes people think that i nvr teach him and all that. Blah blah blah.

7) He is fuckin proud.

He followed a salesman to help out for a few weeks. And at the first 3 day.. He said,’Learn every liao! so easy!’. People do sales for 5 years and above also dun dare to say this kind of things la!

There is something wrong with his skates, he said.. ‘I dun one this one alrd! I want to buy like hers(me), the ex ex one!’ Yah rite. Mine is K2 Alexis ard 375 or what. He go buy so ex one la! Not like he is skating now anymore;P

In fact people dun wanna go out with him, but he said, ‘i dun wanna go out with him anymore!’ (go pt 8)

8) he is losing his friends

He is fucking bastard and people are avoiding him. People know how his is like liao, then said.’fuck off’ “ :)

He loses his friends then he come over to our place for dunnoe how many weeks.. Fuckin pissed, on normal days i get to wear only my undergarments and walk ard. (Weather so hot la!)

9) He might fuck girls at geylang

Since he lives at boon keng.

There is always a hint of horniness in his face. It’s gross.

And he spend a average 180 per day. It’s believed by certain theories he might have a nightlife.

Concluded that he sucks, and i soon bian vent my anger on him through this psot:)

Problems.

2010-01-13T22:25:00.001+08:00

I might have alot of problems. I might be leading a screwed up life.

That’s what people think most of the time, bout me. Not me myself. There are problems. Many major problems, but i never knew what they are, for i am IGNORANT. I choose to ignore things, or sometimes, they dont seem to be a problem for me. But it’s affecting me, in some way. It gives me stress, cause me to be in anxiety, to feel like shit, yet never knew wat i am worrying over.

I didnt cry for god knows how long. I used to drink and cry(sob) everynite, for nothing, yet it feels good. It sucks to feel so emotionless, i am neither happy nor sad. I cant feel anything anymore, other than stress.

It feels like i am dead. What is life without emotions?

What am i doing? I am like a zombie. Wandering aimlessly. (well, at least zombies have a aim=to bite someone else)

I have no dream, i have no goals. It feels like i am going the wrong way. But, what way? I am just lost.

Pull me out of this mess, i nid counselling. I nid help. I tried to imagine myself, asking god to show me the light, the way. But…

I dont know.

This three words.. is wat i like to say nowadays.

I always think that i am a happy person, i dun have problems, i dun cry. But now, it doesn’t seem so. At least when someone has a major problem, they can feel it, know it , see it. Then, attempt to solve it, since they know it’s there. Like a math equation, lay out nice for u to see.

But for me, my problems are like mist. Mist… they creeps ups to me with something(idk how to describe). Maybe a feeling? i can’t see it, know it.. Till i finally feel it, i still dont know what is it. But it’s killing me. Something’s killing me, and i died with knowing.

Love 4e1!!

2009-12-27T00:04:00.001+08:00

4e1 christmas party!!

Totally enjoyable.. It’s hard to believe we were actually separated from each other, FOR MORE THAN A YEAR!!

Thinking bout this just made me feels sad. Though we didnt change much, there is still some minor changes here and there. E.g. Jia Ying is not so vulgar anymore.. Sobs..

We are still childish, but.. We seems to go through more things, our lives seems to complicate, we talk without that line…

Isn’t this good? There’s no misunderstanding.. We are so straightforward and no longer offend each other. We know each other well….

We dont have to fake.. We just ourselves. We are 4e1:)

Drunk at home on Christmas Eve

2009-12-25T01:36:00.001+08:00

Well, i am drunk. Just ignore the shit on this post. HAHAHA.

I am sad, sort of…

Cause my brother died on 24 dec… His heartbeat… His life ends.. Like the countdown for christmas.

And, we no longer celebrate christmas. How great?

I would miss him… Why must he… Die on this day!?!?!!

Every christmas, it’s hard, not to think of him.

I would miss him, like crazy. His is someone i always wanted, but yet i didnt appreciated? I want him, since i was born. All i wanted was a brother that could take care of me? But yet, i didnt know, i didnt love, i didnt knowledge who he is…

That gave me a everlasting regret. Really…

Why? Why must i do that?

Why must he die so early? He is the link, but when he dies, everything’s gone. Why? Why!?!?!?

He is a good person… Someone who loved me, knew who i am… Knew that i actually like dogs, made me liked dogs. Made me love cycling… Is that part of our genes? Our code? Our similarity that runs in our blood?

But now.. Everything's lost!!! Nothing is left!!!

U cant possiblilty bring back the dead.

He is cool. He has tatoos, he has nipple rings, he cycles, he rocks!!!!

He is my brother….. Rite?

But, he is no longer there. It took me too long.

Our relationship is not exactly simple. Right? Complicated family… Nothing’s normal for us.

I miss him.. What if i go visit him now? What will i say? What will he say? Will he hate me? What would he tell me? What does he feels bout me? Does he think i am a daughter of a bitch?

He witness too much. He blamed dad, partially? Or what? Does he understand?

Drunk…

PREVIEW OF CHRISTMAS

2009-12-22T12:40:00.001+08:00

Yeap.. I am actually blogging again!! Muahahahahaah!!

Crazy bitch’s talking, ranting, cursing.

Couple’s Retreat!!! IS NICCEEE!!!

Please watch this with yr partners.

Well, sad singles like me will watch with other bitches. HHAAHA.

Went in to burberry before the movie, my choice no. 2 wallet, is damn ugly, unlike how it look like on the web. It’s like glossy and all that shit. GRRR… Shall get their watch instead huh?

UGLY… Cause of the patent material.. GRRR.

This is nice!! I love leather!! $680:(

Black damn nice!!

Hmm… Christmas’s approaching. HAHAHA. So.. As friends, you guys/ girls can actually share and buy me the watch and… HAHAHA

GIVE IT TO ME!!!

I will be damn touched!! haha. And love u guys to the max!!!

Buy this!!! $448 only!! U damn rich rite? Buy for me!! MUAHAHAAHA

This is like, $1373!?!?!? HAHA. DREAM WATCH!!

I rmb how how used to hate watches? like it gave me rash at the wrist and all that shit. But i love them now!! LOL. HAHA. Nids to love my wrist. HAHA.

And i got this new tattoo yesterday!!! NEAR WCP!!

People might think i am crazy, going West Coast Park so frequently.. Cause i am trying to practice!! LOL.

I did forward crossover!!! :)::):):):):):)

It’s like.. damn shiok? get the momentum and yes!! I did crossover. But only to the right.

And!!!

Let’s end this with some emo stuff.. HAHA.

*START OF EMO TOPIC*

Every Christmas, maybe, like since 2004? I would feel sad as Christmas approaches? Why? It’s been over for so long? Like 5 years? Like, that part of the memory is always so vivid, yet, it’s stuck in there. And there seems to be a clock, that controls my emotions to feel sad at this period of the year?

I am not thinking bout it. I don’t see the images, i didn’t think of it. But the sadness is there…

I do feel lonely, sometimes.. I’ve got friends and families, and hanging out with them? But, it just feel empty, I don’t know what i want, i don’t know what to do.

So this is life huh? The purpose of life? The creation of life? So that aimless people like me, will just live, shit, work, play..

I feel like i am getting rebellious, sort of? Though i am way past that age and phase.. Shit, what’s happening to me?

*END OF EMO TOPIC*

--> –> –> –> –> End of post!! HHAHAHAHA

2009-08-03T22:55:00.001+08:00

when we start creating memories.

when we know each other so well.

when things changes. (to more adult)

hahaha

:)
Loving my poly friends:)

Five words to describe each of them: Innocent, sarcastic, short, high pitch:)

The sixth word is me--------> Cute!!!

Hahahaha. so true.

uploading pics soon:)

They are beautiful. With the 4 beautys.. And our fav place…

2009-08-02T22:44:00.001+08:00

TFinally can skate!!!!

like i skipped two of my lessons liao? wtf…

miss it!!! Imagining myself skating is way easier than the real skating. hahaha. imagining is better, dont cause my body to die or feel tired. hahaha.

There are a crazy bunch of sick ass in my class. sick sick

lol

“This is the first time i ever laugh becuase i am happy and not because it’s funny.”

i miss my grandma

2009-07-30T00:16:00.001+08:00

miss her?

maybe..

It’s better to forget the dead sometimes. well, they are dead, missing them does not make a diff rite?

She is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Just like 4 or 3 mths ago?

But it seems that no one’s missing her in this family. Like it’s over? Over? and nth?

once granny died, and that’s it to all the kinship? why?

people organise pathetic gatherings every year. just for her sake. Then now? now that she has passed away, is there no point to gather anymore? What about my wedding in eons of years to come? Who will be there?

Few of those relative, they just want money? one of my aunt used to be super kind? despite the fact that she is not so well off, she dont mind treating people, being generous. and now, she fell out with the rest just for the meagre 10k? pathetic. Isn’t it?

what will happen during chinese new year in 2010? just me and parents? staring at boring tv shows. Maybe we would even skip the spring cleaning part. or.. we would just go holiday and spend my new year in malaysia?

why?

death has so much power. death keeps secrets untold forever, sealing secrets from life. No one will ever knew what happened. The truth is lost forever.

does crying for the dead help? I used to cry myself to sleep every night after D died in 2005. It was tragic. Tragic. he was pinned under a bus. Beyond recognition, swollen, and blood all over. Saddening.

It’s a pity, dying before i acknowledge the truth, and accepting it.

The voice. Grandma’s, it’s getting softer and rather inaccurate, it just doesn’t sound like her anymore. I am forgetting … how grandma’s voice sounds like. like a radio, inaccurate frequency, and lowering the volume. And… maybe i would forget what grandma’s voice is like anymore. In living memory, that’s what people says… but our memory.. they just disappear. And slowly.. you forget how it used to be, how it feels like before.

In living failed memory, we will rmb the dead.

I am suspecting i am dyslexic, when making my diaries, i didn’t know that i got my alpha N is inverted. I always spell babies as badies. and me, a left hander.

Finally blogging

2009-07-29T23:47:00.001+08:00

Omg!!!

it’s been like 3 of 4 mths?

hahahaha.

My crazy poly life.. yeah..

at least it’s better than cramming 8 subject worth of knowledge during ‘O’s.

And some weird guy ask for my no. in the library the other time?

weird?

my type is like outdoor and sporty kind?

Then he have like uh… gross stuff on his face( unshaven). And totally off…

crazy poly life. Hahahaaha.

and.. one more news..

my cousin from malaysia is coming here to work!! dot expect much. he only have a SPM cert. he will be working at my dad’s warehouse if everything goes well.

haha. well.. hope it goes well. Maybe we would have like dinner tgt, like a extra family member. He is like the brother i yearned and once had. Good character, takes care of siblings. Sets a good(bad) example.

It used to be like that for us.. Like bro and sis. H would come down to grand’s hse everytime we visit malaysia. Then things changed, H start taking part time job after school, now, full time job and we never had sleepovers tgt anymore. It’s just with the rest of the cousins now, like his siblings and other cousins. Maybe.. S will soon take after his footsteps? and history repeats? and grandma hse wont be so lively any more..

Just me, grandma and mum.

When kids becomes teenagers. When teenagers becomes adults.

Relationship changes, needs, wants and character changes.

People get their own friends. People grows up and join different friends.

I am both good and bad with changes. Bad with relationship changes, Good with physical changes(e.g. enviroment. not body k? not the breast and larger penis part.).

one thing that never change.. My status, always single (not refering to msn’s busy, offline and away)

Maybe it’s just me, i am weird, and i am better at rejecting than to accepting?

Maybe?

Being better at rejecting, never accepting. I did miss out. Someone nice. But it’s too late.

Or maybe, i care too much about the superficial? looks matters? and character matters? where to find such person?

tell me..

i would reward you handsomely. i will cook diinner for you. Haha. My cooking sucks.

It’s hard or diff for me to crack an egg. let alone change it’s state?

hahaha.

i miss my holidays.. can’t singapore have things like 2 moths of summer hols every year? can singapore be just a little bit panicky and kiasu? everything’s bout speed. speed.speed. speed. speed. the yearn for speed has ripped life off 99.9% of the populaion in singapore. sad but true. haha

2009-03-28T21:49:00.001+08:00

Being drunk gave me the guts.

2009-03-12T05:48:00.001+08:00

Hey…

since a long time I’ve updated this blog

Maybe only bad things that have happened then i would update. Or extremely gd things. haha

lol.

Ok, my grandma passed away. well, my very old and cute grandma.

Passed away peacefully… No sickness, nothing. Just of old age. Age: 96

The maid woke up around 2 am and grandma had difficulty breathing. then sent her to NUH.

And the bloody doctor has the nerve to ask, ‘Nid to save her anot? She is so old.’

Fuck that bloody bastard. He is a doctor, his duty is to save lives. Not to end it. Regardless the, age, sex, or race. Whatever the person’s condition is.

Screw that asshole.

Well, funeral will be at my house downstairs.

I could still hear her voice. And her broken promise of attending my wedding before she pass away. But so what, she is always there. Up there, a peaceful place to rest and watch over us. The children, the grand children, and the great grand children. Everyone.

Maybe it’s time, to let her go to a better world. Peaceful… Or to join her husband.

I will miss her. She is so cute. And has been my company when i am young. We talked. And had fun.

Grandma is so cute and i loved her.

2009-02-17T11:36:00.001+08:00

back!!!

malaysia was fun!!! my cousin skipped school to go out with us (the jobless and school-less) crazy rite? his parents dont really care cause he don't even study even he goes to school. ha.

life's very relaxing there. like almost nothing to do. just eat sleep and rot off. it's gd to be retiree man. like my grandma.. her life is just like that. everyday is an holiday. crazy...

i haven't actually start working and i am thinking of retiring. crazy bitch.

sick of my blog.. shall change blogskin. yet, not patient or you can say never patient. facing that bloody codes which i already forget how to read them. sucks.

2009-02-06T19:15:00.002+08:00

micheal phelps suspended for publishing picture of him smoking marijuana. omg. athlete smoking that stuff? omg. i love him. maybe not now. maybe yes. but... ... speechless. oh, i am in malaysia rite now. blogging on my cousin's com. hey guys, what you want? food? toys? sex toy? haha. i think those toys are cheaper here. maybe... i buy some for gina. she nids them. haha. an irony!!! yeah!!! lit!!! Love, Jac in malaysia.

2009-01-23T14:10:00.001+08:00

Finally found the urgh to blog.

Busy with my diary making, cny prep, job, reading twilight series. blah blah. lame excuses for me not to blog.

haha

ok, first...

The will be cny gathering, my place or jy's unless you want to offer yr home. refer to class blog for details.Click here!!!

and... cny is coming!!! omg. won't be around after 29 jan. leaving for malaysia to celebrate with my cuzzins!!! and feast there. all the fucking gd food. hehehe. and have to prepare myself for the weight gain huh? actually i've already gain weight. i am happy nowadays. when i am happy, i gain weight. hmmm...

and poly life... is creeping nearer and nearer to us!!! omg. how sucky can it be? or how gd? i have no idea. just hate the fact that everything will be so strange, weird, unfamiliar. just like the first day of our school in sec 1. pathetic. hope i don't get lost. oh, i print maps of each campus. haha. kiasu. if i still get lost, i will be really dumb, i think i already have. omg....

my parents are so preparing me for poly life. my mum, she seem so willing to get me everything i took off the shelves in the mall. very unlike of her. my dad, dont seem to care. me, is in between. well, i am looking for a strong laptop. not those dumb and retarded. but soething fast and simple. my com is fast, so, i will get really impatient with retarded laptops. my dad laptop is one, not really retarded. but the internet is so slow. like loading and stuff. not my network prob, coz it's really fast on my com. the bloody laptop, took forever to load to watch a movie.

so... wat should i get?

urgh... oh, i want something pink. and yet, works very well... not getting a fashion accessory.

and... JAE posting results on 30 Jan...

i hate unfamiliar stuff...

2009-01-08T02:16:00.001+08:00

here i am. again.. just after few minute of posting. ok...more to talk about actually. me and my diary making projects. i sew up the papers to form pages. sew up everything and add in the coulr i liked. they are plain. so, it's kinda easy to decorate and add in all that stuff. i spent so much on those fucking materials. those amout of money could have actually added to buy me a good nice diary, those i've always wanted. and then.. i still prefer making my own one. like diy everything. getting irrelevent materials to add in my book. i love it.

ok, why do i have the idea of that? huh? ok, starts with me, looking for a diary and decided that i could actually personalize it. and also, i could find gd diaries.

but now that i have my own diary projects. other diaries start flooding in to me. like my dad got me a nice business diary and and i bought the school diary.

that's kinda dumb. i am in a dilemma whether to use my dad's diary. damn nice. but, i am still stuck to my own hand made diary. it's not exactly nice,but it's still handmade, everything... i 've added so much details to it by hand. and even if it's ugly, i love it. i love myself and my products too much. haa.

these days were kinda numb. i think. reminds me of those times when i numb myself with work because of all the troubles and boredom. and now, i numb myself, keep myself busy withh all the small stuff. just because i have really nothing to do. like no job and school. those big things i mean, like school or job. those that requires high commitment and that i could get out of home and actually do something.

and, i got sadistic. i miss homework. really. those nights when i mug and flood myself with books. and that everyday seemed so full compared to now. it's empty. very empty. days past quickly now though, but i never knew what i am actually doing. like floating around. on my project which progresses so slowly. one diary per. day. that's kinda pathetic. i hate this and myself.

and kinda hate not going for studies at the start of the year. like not used to staying at home in january. it feels weird. not going to school made it feel like it's not january. my january for the last ten years always starts with new textbooks and feeling fresh. i made me knew or feel like i am in a new year. ... 2010. how would it feel like huh?

being 18..

being 17 is frightening.

2009-01-08T01:58:00.001+08:00

Carol, me different? what's the diff?

ok.. this is the blogger who gave herself excuses and more excuse to not update her damn lonely blog. i bet you see cobwebs here and there. i apologise. happy?

ok, i am busy, sort of. uh.. i decided to proceed with an almost impossible project/task of making my own diary. yeah. diary. one for each mth, diff theme for each mth. ha!

completed jan and feb, and half way of october. the rest of the mths, i dont dare to think. the results will be out on 12th jan. how great? that's god's favourite day, maybe. he can't think of better ways to bring me away out of this world without a third party.. hence, he made use of me going through o lvls and stuff. and then taking the RESULTS. which scares the hell out of me. hey, not third party involved huh? great. just me and HIM. the almighty HIM who made everybody goes through the things we are going through. and i do question existence, why live when we knew we were going to die? why bring ourselves into this world to face war, politics and all that stuff?

ok. this is getting no where.

i am absolutely in love with twilight.

watched plenty of movies today. on net. obviously.

the duchess(my fav!!!)

the lake house.

zack and miri makes a porno

still watching... just my luck.

those movies which i always wanted to watch but had no time for.

weather's cool nowadays. dosen't feel like singapore. as in at night. like now. 2 am. so cold and everything.

haven't sweat in a long while. i miss sweating.

2008-12-26T15:34:00.001+08:00

not updating for like so damn long. hmm.

into twilight. the series.

haha. in love with it and grew fatter with it. reading and lying on the bed almost everyday if i stayed in.

twilight!!!

lol. the weather's cool. nice and stuff.

this year christmas was kinda disappointing. i planned to celebrate it. like having a tree around and presents for my friends. but it's like crap la. cropped up with my grandpa's hospitalisation and most my my plans like... you noe... cancel all my stuff and everything for this holiday became very last minute. my plans to go out and stuff.

great thing is that, i managed to go out myself alot. like shopping myself? something that others around me found it hard to do.

twilight craze. the world it crazy. twilight. the book sells damn well huh? like breaking dawn, stacked up so high in popular. next hour, the stack disappeared. same for kinokuniya. people searching for the books. those search computers stuff. walked by... everybody typed in nothing but stephenie meyer or twilight. siao one. like almost half of the people grabbing for twilight series. either as presents and or themselves. crazy.

2008-12-15T21:47:00.001+08:00

would be fucking busy nowadays.

well, i hold a part time job. can say full time. haha.

i work from 11am to 12am? 13hrs?

and ching ching... i am so rich. haha

hahahaha.

lol. crap.

working under jia ying's parents.

workmates are fun, jin and jia ying. ok, the office nowadays become siao siao liao. haha.

lol. and jacqueline? jia min's friend.

work is fun and crazy. with jin and jia ying around. haha. lol. fun!!

2008-11-09T11:49:00.001+08:00

My birthday!!!!

haha.. and i attended ms chu's wedding. haha.

lol. so sweet. lol. and guess what? people like carol and jia ying actually cried man!!!

omg. they said that it was touching, like they say their vows like they promise to take care of each other and keep their promise to this marriage. crap. and both of them cried, feel damn touch.

me? half the time, i am thinking that if that case, why do people get divorced?

ya, they promise each other that they be only be separated by death. but then, high number of marriages eventually separated like long before they actually die?

crap.

ms chu's guy, actually cried. (no, it's mrs lee)

chio girls of 4e1 and chio bride!!!

jason smiled like crazy. lol

and our beautiful teacher seemed like princess. haha

oh.. and i feel so honored huh?

lol. haha.

and after the wedding we simply head off for shopping spree at plaza sing.. with jenn, jia ying, carol plus me (duh)

haha. carol left early to bring home food for her mum. sobs...

lol.

oh.. and we had fun trying out shoes at marks and spencer. lol. like we occupied the whole area at the shoes. haha. jenn was bloody funny. she cuffed up her jeans so high and wore boots... plus, raise up her hand and shouted like a fish monger in chinese. 'come, come, one dollar, one dollar!!!'

omg, she is tall, wear heels, and actually raise her hand. wha lao.. so pai sey. and we laughed like crazy.

i will cause my dad to go broke actually. haha. lol. i spent like $360++ haha. within both days.

and.. still have shopping trip lor. heehee.

lol. i am going crazy.

haha.

2008-11-07T22:41:00.001+08:00

when for shopping spree today!!1

finally... the very dumb duo walked whole day around suntec, citylink and raffles. end up getting sth from river island.

damn chio sia.. bloody dress. trust me, we will be fuckin hot. hahaha

and.. i brought my mask, finally.. always wanted to buy my own instead from getting it from sullen faced mom.

after the shoppin spree, i became RICHER!!!

hahaha. lol. my dad gave me ang bao for my bloody bday. haha.

might have shoppin spree again tml!!!

fuck, must go richer.

haha.

MY BIRTHDAY IS TML!!! HAHA:)

BUY ME PRESENTS HOR...

AND, HMM..

should i just write down a list of what i want?

lol. crap, people will try to nagivate away from this page.. haha. lol.

hmmm..

-a very chio real leather wallet

-bling bling watch

-gym/beach bag

-beach mat

-tent(have sex in the woods)(FUN!!!)

-christmas tree

-christmas tree deco(duh)

-a wonderful bf

-male stripper

-a doll house!!!

-teddy bear makin set from spotlight

-wine glasses

-mug (as in cup)

-plenty of strong alchohol (not XO -asshole- haha. volka!!!)

-sewing machine, small kind

- plenty of sewing stuff!!1

-and much more. i think then tell you..

shit head lor. i went to fossil and intend to buy a leather wallet, too ex, dont dare use my dad's nets.. but then, miss it. ask dad. dad said yes. i dont feel like buying anymore. haha.

lol. thinking that will that price i could buy something better. nicer, chioer, and cuter.

2008-11-04T12:42:00.001+08:00

whoooo...

omfg...

the holidays...

i am in bloody holiday mood. hahaha

lol. crap. weeeee....

hmmm.. and like... haiz.. start packing up my stuff. e.g. my books? lol. mostly those stacks of paper.

guess what? i cut off all the staples from my ws before stuffing them into boxes. lol. and my mum laughed at me, of scolded me.

any thing wrong with that huh? huh? like cutting away corners of all my worksheets plus those staples? huh? easier to keep paper without staples rite? you can eventually fill in more paper if you remove those staples. rite? huh? go look at yr file then, the corners with the staples thicker than those without rite? huh?

omfg..

jeez..

fine...

MY BIRTHDAY!!! LIKE BLOODY 4 MORE DAY??? I AM EXCITED... HAHAHAHA.

lol. but fuck my parents. lol. i said i was like going to ms chu's wedding and they give that fucking face. lol. wth. o levels. they said. but who cares huh? people like me? i already stopped caring after yesterday. shit them. and i said i want to go shopping this friday. fuck, my mum scream like hell.. but who cares huh? still going. i hate that.

have to actually pretend to study. but doing crap at home, coz i don't care anymore about those upcoming subjects. hay, who cares bout lit? not people like me. the science person. hellooooo!!! me, hate lit, ok? actually want to go out on both days. like wed and fri. but fuck, reduced to fri.

what is this bloody thing about? o levels? huh? huh? omfg!!!

my mum simply wants me to study. like for lit and chi? and that makes me fucking fucked up. who cares huh? fuck fuck fuck.

i hate people like her who makes me study and makes sure i do. lol. eh, how old am i? you dont have to bloody control my life, when i am like huh? a freedom person.

the more she asks me to study, the more i WON'T study. ok? i dont do things people ask me to do, or make very sure that i actually do. fuck.

omg.

i nid shopping. and dying for it. cant she sees that i dont care? or give a damn? so, stop it. huh? stop pressing me to study. coz i never do what people says.

same for my chinese. she said that i have the basics and stuff for it. why not? eh, but that i hate it when she ask me to. so i wont.

fuck. anyway, i hate languages and lit stuff. those plain boring stuff.

humanities.

i hate them all.

force me to study those? dream.

shithead.

fuck.

o levels to be over end of next week. fuck. fuck. fuck.

and what do i do with myself? pretend to study. that's worse than studying. fuck.

2008-11-01T18:10:00.001+08:00

Some pictures from my dad's previous trip to australia. Pardon, he is a very bad photographer.

sheep. lol. reminds me of my grandfather in malaysia. he was attacked/pushed into a drain by a sheep, those with horns. hahahaha. funny. lol. my grandfather then climb out of the drain unharmed and hit the sheep's ass. lol. crap, he so old leh.. fall into a 0.5m wide drain. won't panick, or like shock, but got up to hit the bloody sheep. hahahaha.

oh.. the beach. hmm. my dad said that the women there walked around showing their breast and stuff. tanning. and his boss was like, 'richard, 3 o'clock..' lol. hahaha. get it? lol. 3 o'clock direction got nice boobs la. lol. hahaha. but my dad said that it was kinda boring, so many boobs and they were are showing like nobodies' business, kinda turned off. can i do that in singapore? hahaha. i could be sent to jail. hahaha. lol

and all the women there wear bikini? wth.. lol. in singapore, wearing bikini is no better than letting the world see you in yr bra and undies. haha. ciao. singaporeans are so conservative. haha.

and, i might be going langkawi with my hmmm, cousin and family. lol. and intend to wear bikini all day long. and my dad was like," won't fall off meh" idiot... tie dead knot la. lol. he things that i will lou dian in my bikini. hahaha. lol. i will wear heart shaped, pink nipple tape. hahaha. lol. it's cute lor.

boring day, boring life. nuff said.

my days are boring without school. i should really get a part time job. sian. hmm.. as what? slut? whore? paint myself gold/silver and lie down naked in the mist off orchard road? a sales assistant at pet shop? or boutiques? huh?

shit.

2008-10-28T12:09:00.001+08:00

i am crazy.. going crazy...

hahahaha.

hahaha.

crazy over my thoughts bout holidays. extreme fun and crazy trips. shopping, gym and sun tanning.

i must go shopping. must go!!!

hahaha.

my shopping list gets longer and longer. like it is never ending, all the suspense, all the crazy wait for my exams to actually end.

and this 3 days has been slack. fell sick, sort of. gastric once i woke up and flatulence at night. how cruel.

FUCK!

2008-10-21T21:17:00.001+08:00

Eng and Chem are over!!!

3 papers down, 12 more to GO!!!

Ok, fuck rite?

lol.

fuck.

hahaahahah.

miss our class room days. omg. just like... lol. not long after graduation and i am already starting to miss it. omg. ok... not ok. hate it. hate missing. lol. hahahaha. saw our pictures, those in classrooms and was like... missing it already?

hahaha.

english totally sucks. and ok, following with geo and math this week. hahahaha. lol. two subjects i worry most. i worry. and that feeling isn't good. chem and eng, i was like heckcare. then two major. so called. hahaha

i want those days. suntan everyday. hahaha/

and sleep under that beach. but that fucking financial crisis is creeping me. i hate it.

want to spend, yet, afraid of spending. that feeling isn;t good. totally no good.

i want to buy:

-new bra (preferably push-up, i have small breast you know?)

-new panties. hahahaha. my mum live in the ancient china and thinks that washing my undies are no gd for me and she thinks that i change them too much. two per day, little liao rite? she? one per day. lol. dirty. it will stink. and what? she stay home whole day, wont sweat what. ass. i will buy more and wash them once every two weeks? hahaha.

- prom dress. duh... i want to break out of that innocent dress. hahaha. thought it's nice. but i want to be hot. not innocent. need to grow up on grad nite rite?

- concealer hide my hideous pimple outbreaks.

- nipple tape

- scarf?

- and many more.

just lazy to type. i need sleep. hahaha

2008-10-12T19:41:00.001+08:00

i thought i always updated my blog recently, like that shopping craze post just just recent.

ha! just realised, it's like dunnoe how long ago's post.hahahahah. laugh.

graduation!!! i dread and hoped for it. dread changes and separation, hoped, for freedom and exams to end.

hahahaha.

during recess

praise tan!!!

"can i have mummy's office number?"

i am almost the same height as jin!!! well, on the stairs.

prettiest picture

cheese!!! with our nipples

kiap the phone. the best way to listen to music

i have to hide, taking picture with two bamboo-like humans.

that is how small yuduan is. my koala. or my child? 5 yr old.

the band. all act cool.

rome-mei!!! he is younger than me. finally... hahahaha i specially bought the pink hairband for him!!! rome hilton!!! yuduan took a similar pic with him too. hahaha. they hugged!!!

our form teachers sang us a song.

miss chai, the hello kitty fan.. and the sisters!!!!

the crzy bunch in 4e1

mr teo:'backdrop nice anot?'

finally... our pic.

reb was here!!!

josh,'aaahhhh, tony... i feel hot'

tony,'oooiii!!!'

injured cat in the toilet.

yuqi was caught in action. 'ahhh!!!!, you pervert!!!' auntie screams...

i love her so much i want to kiss her. her hubby will kill me, man...

omg... graduation... is over.lol. waiting more more pictures to be sent to me hahahaha.

cried while singing the school song. omfg. hahahaha. i want all my photos to be developed. 170+++. that's alot. lol. my dad will kill...

2008-09-23T22:59:00.001+08:00

My buys!!! Went out yesterday after bio exam. lol.

And seems to have a hangover from yesterday. lol. the shopping craze. went to central @ clarke quay. boring. i can say. all the advertisements and stuff. but the clothes and dresses turn out to be so limited and bo liao. like, you can get it at one tenth of the price at bugis street. and that those clothes makes people slutty. lol.

then i head to bugis to join jia ying.

i brought bikini. lol. i know i am fat well.. who cares. and they make me look like i have totally no breast. lol. crap.

and cosmetics!!! lol.

-Redearth- Star lights, Winter/autumn collection. in chocolate dream

-Redearth- Liquid foundation

-Silky girl- lip gloss, i hate their products, like overly cheap? how to have quality? and bad colours. lol. but i like the taste of this lip gloss.

-Revlon- Natural Shade type. lol. i need one for casual wear.

liquid foundation

the box of starlight collection!!! chio rite?

in interior. love the design of it, like so flat and nice. lol.

excited!!1

and me and jiaying went somewhere, lol. hee. hee. getting excited of the thought of it. well, i am gettin naughty. lol. i am a horny whore. no happy is it? lol

crappy me. lol. heeheehee.

honestly, do i look old? huh? am i that old? huh? do i have wrinkles every where? huh? do i look older than my age? i tot i still looked CUTE!!! omg. .. i am a saggy faced bitch with no breast!!!!!

fuck. lol. i tot i still look cute and innocent ok? and people treat me like some old maid dying for sex. lol. crap. do i look THAT OLD?? lol. should barge into a club naked whether they let me in. heehe. "no breast mdm, sooorry.. pls get out. i apologise for yr urm... small breast"

what's with me and almost no breast. push up dosen't help. just made me look more normal.

saline breast implants. pls donate. thks. i will love you.

big boobies and bikini i would faint in happiness at that look if i had.

2008-09-21T22:15:00.001+08:00

Kids sucks, trust me.

lol. like anyone could trust me for that.

well... i used to love kids., like they are so adorable and innocent. but the society has changed so do the kids. people are getting more open and stuff, and kids at younger age knew more things. some, are stuck at their parent's love nest and never gets out.

kids now are so noisy, pampered, childish and some knew more than they should. to an intolerable extend.

i had freaking bad experiences with kids. lol. slimy and sucky and noisy and idiotic kids.

i am a kid too. to people older than me, but i don't care how they treat me or hate me. i just hate kids, people born after 92. in 92, i am one of them. i can't possibly hate myself.

Example 1:

i am with my cousin's kids to malacca. i sort of like them, used to. they are both girls. the younger one is like so mischievous the older one is better much quieter. The older one is about urm... 6? or 5? and guess what she asked? "hey, do you have pubic hair?" urm... that's a weird ques to ask and on the car with my cousin and dad. both who are obviously guys. siao one. i lied and said no. duh... who will say yes in front of guys. and she was like " sure have one la. i will shave all if i had them." lol. she is a freak!!!

hey, kids like her. omg. i can't tolerate. it's like such embarrassing ques. obviously you want want to say it out loud rite? it's embarrassing to keep them (hair) let alone tell the whole world you have them and let the guys start imagining how that place will look like. sure think look like forest, black forest. not the cake. i used to laugh at the cake's name tgt wif my mum. lol. cake vs pubic hair. black forest cake to remind you of pubic hair.

hey, i know you are young. but at least look at the TPO(time, place and occasion) ok?

from that now i know either my aunt's or cousin's wife has foest. who doesn't. but... lol.

Example 2:

hong kong with the same bunch of people and the younger one. she looks cute. lol. and i held her hand. she was eating some sweet and shove the sweet wrapper in my hands. i was fucking pissed. i said ' 你自己丢！！！' so pampered!!!

like, at least pull me tgt with her to the bin rite?

Example 3:

dunnoe whether its the same trip to malacca, again, with same bunch of people. the younger one was grabbing my attention. and i played with her. guess what? she start pinching me. her finger so small some more, obviously pain la. as you know, in physics, pressure=force/area. small area larger force!!! get it!!! and i pinched her back. and start hitting her hand. she think it was fun despite the pain. you should see my arms muscles. i could carry heavy things. she is in pain and refuse to leave me alone. and i continued. hahahhaha. then she went to get a wet tissue to soothe her red hand. hahahaha. then my cousin was like "why you so stupid, let her hit you?" well. she thinks she is strong and have high tolerance and refuse to cry. lol.

Example 4:

my cousin from maternal side. he was so freaking gross. he stuck his hand in his shirt, dig and smell that finger. the smelly belly button. but i saw him inserting his hand in the pants too. dunnoe which is which. penis smell or belly button smell. lol. that's gross.

well, you should see it. i almost thought he is masturbating in the middle of the living room. with like 7 people around. but he doesn't have that face and he is well, abit too young maybe in a few years. and why would people want to smell their hand after masturbation?

Example 5:

this is every where.. kids wailing and crying. for no apparent reason.

my neighbor, below me. her grand child cry like siao. every night even midnight. she is like 1 or 2. and her mum is a teacher, pregnant again. omg....

kids look cute and nice but no when they cry.

Example 6:

Kids are getting mature.. not that word. well, they know more than they should. but their body is not even developed for that info. maybe like, pretend? and the way they insult each other using sexual organs is so wrong. and pathetic. it's innocent but... mature in the childish way, let's say it.

at the bus stop, a few primary school kids, from my old pri school. a boy was holding an umbrella and pointed it to a girl's breast. " i poke yr nene that you know!!!" that's pathetic rite?

want to be crude, but in the right way pls?

at least say,' dont make me shove this into yr vagina'

Conclusion:

i really hate kids. i might have mine, but they won't have an easy life. they won't be those punks and mature in the childish way people.

i am already starting to get pre- pregnancy depression. thinking about how my kids will turn out and how should i educated them even when i am like a virgin?

that's weird. i am still a kid and hate kids. lol.

2008-09-17T20:51:00.001+08:00

Phobia of meatballs. Chinese food kind.

Almost died. and nearly called my doc for emergency.

Just because of a freaking bone ,mini, transparent and so hazardous. At first it got stuck between my last two tooth of my upper jaw. aw...

imagine squeezing something thicker than those gaps in between yr teeth.

and tried to use a tooth pick to remove it. it stayed there.

used my tongue to shift it. and then... it pierce into my gums, between two tooth. ouch!!!!

fucking idiots. they ought to be responsible for the physical and psychological pain.

ouch... and worse... i didn't know why it hurt then and bite.. it went in further. fuck!!

and what? final resort. used my fingers to pluck that fucking bone out. bled like hell. and unsightly, with blood and part of my flesh hanging on that fucking bone. and my mum what still playing and tossing it around with her chopstick. ouch.. you see that flesh there? ouch...

--------------------------

my dad went away to australia.. suppose to fly off at 8pm but delayed to 12am. hahahaha.

wateva. freedom. even if i reached home late when i go out no one can stop me. hahaha. for 8 days. lol. he shiok la. he got like $500 cash and $250 voucher from the air lines. shiok rite? he brought perfume... again. then took the chance, help me to buy one too,from the airport. hahahaaha. if it was me. $500 mine.. wow...

handbag, cosmetics and clothes. they will be like gone in ten minutes hahahaha.

wow... finally could use that perfume.. heehee... only after 8 days.. australia... without me. hahaha. sobss. i would go crazy shopping and slacking.

then he will touch down after 8 days and fly off the next. stupid. wateva. he go fishing. shit. wateva. so stinky.

he is gone for half a mth. sort of..

2008-08-24T17:38:00.001+08:00

i changed my phone.... lol. long ago.. to samsung omnia. so much better than the iphone. much much much better. heehee. the iphone got no radio and no spreadsheet and stuff. whateva. iphone=no gprs/wifi=no fun.

so much simpler phone than it. lol. my dad got it and he is so freakin proud of it. lol. then... inside is like empty shell. hahahahahaha. iphone craze. those people siao one.. news and internet shouting out loud and nagging people of the lousy iphone. ... still.... the world is stubborn. they just want the phone because their friends have it. or... it's the new thing in town. lol. crappy. they just love to queue and join in the crowd not wanting to lose out...

hahahahaha. get lost... CHINA PHONE!!! i kept it away. for god's sake. that lousy phone... but... i thing that china phone is much better than iphone. got 100++ games, even though they are like those gameboy colour games. and radio, tv... everything... iphone is empty... empty shell..

randon pic.. of jia ying. no, is soh-ying.. buying her canned stuff at sheng siong. ah-soh hor? still take basket.

yuduan at pet shop before erp. her super chio face and that black dog. hahahaha. that dog is super heavy. i will buy that dog if i want to train my arm muscles. and carry it everyday. heehee. but better than girlgirl lor. girlgirl is like bag of bones, despite her eating alot. lol. that fat dog is so nice to hug!!! fats...fats and fats!!! fat dogs are great to hug.

don't praise other's dog too much.. girlgirl cute rite? lol. i miss her alot nowadays. when i am in school maybe because of the time i spent in school. from 7am to like 9pm.. lol.

cute!!! she got plenty of hair on her face!!! hahahahaha. i love it!!!

The way she pees. she kinda know it's shameful to pee and shit in public. she always look around when she pees and shit.

playing!!! want me to sayang her tummy lor. wa lao...

umbrella day!!! it's raining on sat and every brought their giant umbrellas to school. and worst. open all of them to dry.

heehee. guess who? CS and CL. k-po paparazzi in school. that spells danger!!!

2008-08-17T23:34:00.001+08:00

hee.

wkend. olympics. hw. and sleep.

discussed with duan abt many many stuff sort of.

heehee. lol. we are both angry with the same person. lol. shitty. hahaha

and discussed bout O levels. omg. plenty to do after O levels. so much.

beach. food. catching up. sewing. shopping. quality time with girlgirl. workout. music. movies. comics!!! and everything nice. may be making a class album for memory keepsake too. or the whole of my sec school life. heehee. the list never ends. beach. most important!!! to slack for days by the beach and practically do nothing but sleep there and tan. wish to meet hot guys too. lol. hahahah. topless hot beach hotties.hahaaha. still, prefer nightlife guys then to beach boys. they are wild and i love it.

and... jerome( is it spelled this way?), aka yuduan's lover, became me and carol's bro and sis. bro for carol, sis for me. hahahaha. lol. he so cute omg. yuduan just say he is shy in front of us and don't dare to say vulgarities and sick stuff. lol. but, he act cute. lol. pathetic small boy. hahaaha.

and... two more weeks to prelims. well.. i've done nth. i drop admath and lit by myself. admath, too late to pick up now, unless i sleep 1 hr per day. lit, i can't get a shit. i don't feel a shit for characters. nth. what do they ask for? read this passage. how do you feel? how do i feel? nothing. siao. i don't even know or sees the people is passage before. how do i know.

and my english sucks. i feel feelings, let alone describe feelings.

science is better. what is moment? and you give a one mark answer. one line. so easy. compare to two page essay, only 25 marks. shit them.

English.

Math.

Chemistry.

Biology.

Humanities.

Physics.

Chinese.

Tht's it!!!

I've had enough!!!!!

eh.. also. i've got a new phone. broke free from china phone. lol. samsung i900. i love you!!!

2008-08-10T13:50:00.001+08:00

Nice weather...rain and low temp!!

Watch the video. pls watch, and you will know how cruel every body is this world is. well, those carnivores. well, most of us are. killing animals for the sake of having good and delicious food. i always think that eating meat is not cruel. as those animals are kept and killed for the sake food, and not those those that are hunted down. well, they are born to be eaten and killed? that's what i think. and i love chicken meat. thinking of it after watching that video just makes me feel guilty. pork, and beef, i seldom eat them. beef don't come easy for me, my mum hates them and never cooks beef.

those animals are cruelly treated, stepped on, beaten, thrown and not given good care. their eyes are swollen and infected and not one takes good care of them. ewww. and they are killed alive, wide eyed and helplessly look at someone trying to kill them. ewww.

heard of stories from my mum as she used to live in a kampong. she witness how cows and lamb actually shed tears before they die, knowing that they will be killed. and cows knew that they will be sent to be killed, they knelt on the floor refusing to move and looked as've they are begging people not kill them.

sobs.. sobs.ss. ok, i not going for a switch for vegan, or vegetarian ok? my parents are cruel people that consumes meat. and that i will just try to avoid, avoid and avoid. i hate pork, the taste and feel of it. that's improvement for me. and that my mum prefer stir-fired vege that to 大鱼大肉..

bloody pigs and chicken hung upside down and slaughtered, and their cries are ignored.

Link to the video

2008-08-04T21:41:00.001+08:00

Very old pics. From sisters/sushi day. lol.

lame la.

Soh ying and soh ang. the very popular pairs of aunties/ah-soh in town. we got our names when we are visiting the supermarket to get our materials. and both of us happen to have long ah-soh wallet. soh and and ying then went to the hawker centre to gossip while have cheng teng and bobo chacha.

Lame la. lol.

cutest sushi!!

wo.... wooo.... delicious.

that big lump of rice ball is made by the popular ah-soh... soh ang... me!!!!

ending.... the beautiful picture of my darling girlgirl.

lol...

this is not the end...

unhappy happenings. not everything as expected. nothing is perfect. i am no longer who the carefree person i used to be. to be burdened by guilt and those fucking moods. those that makes me cry day and night, to think of it. falling sick... i love it. to sleep for days and not studying. i am hopeless. how i wish to forget bout it. how rotten i am. how mean and evil i get. everyone's is a faker.

i am giving up on my studies. or it seems to be... or it's just the flu. the stupid flu virus which made me lie there for days and not be able to concentrate. maybe i should just give up, that will lighten my burden. my life, is going the wrong way. and there is no junction, to choose my path again, there is no u-turn in life. see my as a cheap whore, fucking those old man, conning them of their CPF, leave them to die. those old man. irks me. chinatown a plenty. some, can't even walk, so weak, still yearns for sex when they can't erect. use vigra, dies of heart failure.

man... men.... those old ah-pehs... there is one at home... my home... claims that he is so good. took care of everything, but i don't seem so. he claims that he is so unlike those. but he is just like those. he claims that he gives me everything in life. but, i don't think so. fatherly love. is there any? none. there used to be. or, just that i am too young and dumb to think that that is fatherly love. i receive none... none!!! i give up, seeing him irks me. i won't give a shit about him, that is nothing that i care for him. well... does he cares in the first place? my results. my life. my everything.

when my results sucks, he blames me. well.. why me? he did not even take care of my results and make sure that i do well. just comment and say,"must study hard arh?" well.. what's the point of that . he always comment bullshit and doesn't do anything.

i will hate that guy for life. and he annoys me like the people i hate in my life. according to my mum, he doesn't even give provide me with anything until i was 10. he was broke, kept his own money for beer. my mum, gave me all my necessities. even my mum's friend buy me things like panties and plenty of clothes. when i mum just married to him, he didn't give my mum any money for food and stuff. until my grandma urge my mum to get it from him. what kind of husband is he?

he only knows how to enjoy life when he don't even have that much money. he could spent hundreds and thousands of dollars on fishing. and fishingtrips. can't he save it?

2008-08-02T15:44:00.001+08:00

My fucking dad.

This will be another emo post so don't read. it's just for my typing leisure.

i brought home a cat from simin.

i love the cat. charrmmy.

love it. and yearn for a cat.

my dad just happen to hate cats like hell; unlike other times when i brought home animals. he threaten to punch me. wanted to take all my money. FUCKER!!! either the stays or...

pets, are my life. i don't intend to study. to invest my life in pets stuff, and live with it. that will paint a beautiful picture of my life. So wonderful and beautiful, lead a simple life. marry a wonderful guy... and everything will paint a beautiful picture.

but my fucking parents obstructs everything. stop me from being a vet. say that hobbies don't earn much. say that animals are just animals. unlike humans. i love pets to death. pls. they are my life, once they enter my life, they will be there forever...

they will stay till they die.

no one, not anyone... i will allow them to take away anything from my life. once something has entered my life, i will never let it go... not one....

he wants to throw charmmy out. if not, all animals will have to go. if they go... obviously, i don't find the point to go home anymore. the fucking home, which fucking people lives in. the home, which people love me in the wrong way. in fact, i don't feel the love when they claimed that they "loved" me. well...

he has no control pf my life... i am not a robot. i am somebody with brains and think on their own. i am a living person who loves freedom. wants to control me? no way....

either the animals stay or...

he hate cats. he had bad experience with cats. that they bring about fleas and the whole office got fleas. he thinks that those fleas occurs in only cats... wrong. dogs too. and cats if you give them prevention like dogs, they won't have fleas. so what's the difference.

and cats, they are easily taken care of. so easy. just cut nail, feed them and shower yr love. nothing will go wrong.

and i am someone responsible, giving up is not a choice.

2008-07-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

Urgh!!!!

ok.. kinda fed up with my mum for packing up my room, not exactly. she just shove my stuff out the way and threw them somewhere so that she could wipe the desk. bloody. even if my table looks messy, pls, i know where exactly i keep my stuff. ok? mess... the order in mess. so proverb or phrase in chinese.. wateva.

i don't give a shit.

just mess up everything again lor.

2008-07-23T22:51:00.001+08:00

FINALLY!!!!! FINALLY!!!

Finally i can go on the net!!!

Finally i can check out cool stuff!!!

Finally i can blog!!1

omg. life's is terrible without internet... omg....

omg....

omg...

ok... much to blog abt.

heehee

Friday(18/7/08)

Shopping trip with junior tan and mini tan. aka. jia ying and sister.

heehee.

lol.

that bloody pair of heels. finally got it. lol. crap. but not in white!@!!! *&^%$#@

*&^%$#*&^%$#*&^$#@.

Wateva. Wateva. at least black is mature and sophisticated. well.. in love with black nowadays. lol.

and not to forget.... PINK!!! only some shade la.. that bloody shade of my school's late form. NO WAY!!!

and wha lao. her jy sis. ordered chocolate indulgence(cake). jy called that a lump of fat. yes...

actually i also want to eat. but then, a piece of cake is like 2000 cal. that more than my main meal in a day. and one meal 2000. wow!!! then what? wait till next day when those harden and be stored as fats. then so hard to burn. bloody hell. and jy bought plenty of makeup that day. she wants to put on makeup. yet, thinks that they are a hassle. siao one!!! and after getting a pair of heels( well, her first pair) she decides to stop there.

eh. jy, sth is wrong with you lor. normally, is get addicted to buying them. coz, heels makes people taller and fat people like us will love it. coz, if you are tall.... you will not look fat in our present size. just tall and average size.

.....

ok... after dinner.... guess who i met?

jay chou?

jj lin?

stripper?

prostitute?

gay?

ba gua?

suckers?

brad pitt's arm pit?

tom cruise?

no. no. no.

omg. is YEE LIN TAN!!!

lol. omg. and people think i am siao coz i cried seeing her. whateva. you guys don't understand my child's heart. not seeing yr no.1 best friend for almost half a year?

carol laugh at me. then next day when tan tan came. she cried until whole face red. hahahahahahaha . my turn to laugh.. hahahahah

Today

my freaking come broke down when i nid to send my dpa application last sat. how great. how wonderful. like i will get qn that favours me during exams so easily. lol.

wha lao....

2008-07-11T22:10:00.001+08:00

got a hair cut today.

doesn't make a difference. urgh!!!

wateva. i am freaking tired.

and visit a doctor at polyclinic.

honestly, i hate polyclinic. so damn long waiting time. and babies wail after getting their immunization. the whole clinic can here. wha lao!!! and so bloody awful. can babies sing when they cry? do they have to wail? you might say, " you never take injections before meh?" yes! i do. but i did not cry. my mum say that they were so surprised that i did not cry. still laugh leh. since young, never cried during an injection before. NEVER!!!

the doctor, explained plenty of stuff to me about my rash, eczema. how it happen. lol. strictly speaking he gave me a science class. lol.

"first, you need to moisturise yr skin. that's the most important and blah blah"

"second, this may be caused by yr hormones, as a growing woman. it may be more serious before and after yr mense."

wha lao. that means not only painful breast and pimple outbreak. still got rashes leh.

"this might be caused by some chemical allergy."

"do you have asthma?"

no.

"do you noe if you have any allergy? have you tested before?"

no.

"i will reccommend that you use cetaphil or qv moisturiser. these are also commercially availlable outside."

"you can also use cheap moisturiser"

"i will give you at most 2 sets of medication as they are at full strength and yr skin will become thinner after prolong use, surely you don't want yr skin to be thin and yr veins to be seen right?"

not really. i love to see veins. the nurse could easily find my vein for injection in futher. heehe.

"most importantly is to keep yr skin moisturised"

"oh. my printer spoil"

"hey, you are only 48 leh" (to my mum)

so amused. hahahaha. he gave that super shocked look.

well, i took a science lesson at polyclinic you could say. heehee.

lol.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and... my dad's getting a iphone for me. confirmed!!! he reserve liao. i noe the iphone suck to the core. but that's better than my present china phone.

tat bloody china phone. the only thing that i like bout it is that tv!!! lol. the only thing i like about that phone. if not i won't even touch the phone if it does not have the tv function. wha lao... heehee. the tv function is the only function. making it abit special. well. in a weird way.

appearance vs reality.

appearance: camera

reality:the camera suck. worse than my old phone.

appearence: pda

reality: nothing like a pda. just a phone with simple function

appearance:it seems really big and complicated.

reality: no timer, no reminder, no notes, no picture rotation. worse than my k700i phone

2008-07-06T12:32:00.001+08:00

Went to vivo on fri.

So... So.. disappointed. wha lao!!!! i checked out that heels at orchard and they do not have my size. then... vivo, ALSO DON'T HAVE!!!

Wateva.

And i bought headbands and loreal lip gloss. plus.. the i-dunnoe-why-i-buy-that eyelights from silky girl.

from forever 21.

and... yesterday... wow... animal day. lol.

they so cute rite? girl is a bit crazy. she is so so afraid that baby might steal her bed. and jump into her bed moment baby went in. wha... even when she is not sleepy. she loves to mark her territory.

and... when baby walks pass her food bowl area, girlgirl will rush out and finish her food. even when it's not her usual time for her to eat. so afraid for what? baby is a vegan for god's sake.

and... we fed her with the red dragon fruit. i mean the inside of the dragon fruit. and dyed her fur pink/bright pink? lol. so cute. lol. she loves dragon fruit.

2008-07-03T21:16:00.001+08:00

So...

Boring...

Boring.. Stuffed with school work every day. URGH!!!

haahahha.

I have no idea what i am doing these days. slimmed down!!! :) :)

but still need to work on it. heehee. those flabby tummies, arms, thighs. hahaahahaha

shitty figure i have.

2008-06-30T16:50:00.001+08:00

Freaking bad day.

Bad things that happen:

1. The freaking SBS bus travels at pathetic speed. i can run faster than that. Before it actually accelerate to a constant speed, it starts to decelerate.

2. I am late. My phone got confiscated.

3. I miss my bloody phone badly. Not that i like this china phone but, i just miss my phone. any kind will do. gotten into the habit of checking on my phone even if there is no msg.

4. That freaking OM have a meeting and could only get my phone back after FOCUS!!!1

5. My dog's limping again. (Previously, she ran away without us cleaning her paws and slip... and hit herself somewhere.

6. SS, chai transferred me to a grp. with the person i would wish to stay away from and sit as far as i can. but then, tolerated it for 1 hr. and asked her to transfer me back.

I decide to hate pink, that particular shade!!!

Cos.. That late form is pink. Actually decide to hate pink, but then still like pink. So i specify, that SHADE!!! Coz... if i really hate pink, i need to change and throw away plenty of clothes and stuff. All in pink. so.. is that shade only lor. any way, that shade sucks!!!

haahahahahaha.

The rate at which i need a phone around me, it's really... i can't believe myself. Like, the empty feeling. ...

Should let them collect my ez-link lor. at most report lost. hahaha.

2008-06-23T21:04:00.001+08:00

omg. omg.

school has started!!!

so freaking tired. and slept in the afternoon. omg. and did nothing. hahaha.

urgh. urgh!!!!

hehe.

almost late for the first day of school term. lol. didn't feel stressed up like before whenever i was late. hahahaha. used to being late. and freaking school does nothing.

haven't complete my holiday homework. freaking hell alot lor. wha lao.

what i did this holiday:

1. participate in great singapore sale the extreme way.

2. sleep.

3. slack.

4. read novels.

5. pack my room. ( but it never gets neater)

6. study, abit. ( really tat bit, e.g. bio, cells)

7. play with my dog.

8. gatherings.

2008-06-21T12:22:00.001+08:00

omg... omg... school reopens in 2 days. or 1? whatever.

my so-called holiday is more hectic than school.

hahaha.

spent those days shopping. and spent plenty plenty plenty of money. but not mine.

hahahaha.

lol.

brought plenty of books too. thought that i haven't been reading. hahaha. brought 6 in total. lol. freaking cheap like, $20 in total. sceond hand books. well... and... my bookshelf, the new one. can't fit those books. need to stack them. and not let my books stand. lol. hope it don't collapse while my animals walk past.

and brought 2 jacket. hahaha. i am crazy over jackets. lol. i currently own 14 including those new ones. lol. freak. and well, in singapore bloody weather. it's so not practical. hahaha. sweat till i die. lol. but then, i am only good in choosing jackets or vest. lol. and be crazy over them.

....

and girlgirl love playing with my rabbit. lick him and smell him. but then, girlgirl abit too rough. stick her nose in his balls and smell. lol. and he runs away. lol. my dad suggest that i buy a leash for rabbit too. then can bring him out together with girlgirl. hahaha. lame. more likely that the rabbit runs away. the rabbit siao siao one. and anyhow pee. unlike girlgirl who only choose the grass patch if there is. heehee.

2008-06-18T21:34:00.001+08:00

ss camp today.

so tired!!! omg... having a hard time to keep myself awake. hahaha. lied on the table most of the time and pretended to write, but then sleeping.

hahahaa. so shitty. hate ss. having it for whole day.

had fun still. at singapore army museum , not the museum suuff. but then just have fun with my friends. crappy and relaxing. but then, after school reopen will be chionging chionging and never ending chionging days. hahaha.

sickos.

i am so... not feeling well. sucks. i hate my throat.

sleep. sleep. going off to sleep. hahaha. waking up early for two consecutive days. fuck. is this how my holidays pass?

i need sleep... sleep.

2008-06-17T21:07:00.001+08:00

Bad news and good news.

The bad news:

- My Great grandma passed away in malaysia (maternal side)

Unknown bout the details. but then, she was known to be healthy. just senile and diabetes which is under control, also, can't see well.

- My GirlGirl shaved bald and clean. no hair.

due to fungus infection, as she was not well taken care of by her previous owner as she has too many dogs. she looks like chihuahua or some totally not schnauzer breed

- Tml, ss camp. the so-called camp without staying overnight from 8am-5pm

I will not have enough sleep as i have not adjusted my sleeping hrs, it's adjusted to the holiday mode. 12am- 11pm or 12pm. i will lack of 5 hrs of sleep, as i take damn long to prepare myself and still be late. and also, medicine that makes me drowsy. ha!! and i won't have my nap time from 3-7pm to make up for the amt of sleep i've lost. don't be surprise if i behave like a zombie tml.

- I got flu and sore throat which never recovers.

Sore throat, i heckcare. still got sores on my throat and my voice sucks. and heckcare bout it since it's not painful. flu, which comes and go and never recovers. it got serious when i woke up from my nap just now. can't stop tearing.

The good news:

- My grandma( father side) won my great grandma, the age part. my grandma is still well and alive and healthy.

grandma older than great grandma? ya!!! my family tree weird one la. my dad is 60, my mum is 47? my dad's elder sister (my aunt) is as old as my grandma( mother side). weird right? and age gap between me and my cousins, i am 16 even the youngest is 30+++++ i think. most of my cousins( father side) are old enough to be my parents. guess why.. ( i noe the ans!!!)

- Can see my girlgirl's condition well. and do something bout it.

- ss camp, at least can learn something?

just take it as a chance to adjust my life to study mode and learn things

- I've got flu.

i enjoy being sick. can sleep all day... though it's waste of precious time.

That's the super unemotional me and logical me.

makes me heartless to list the gd and bad. and reasons. i feel like a robot and unemotional. but i feel great.

like a robot, do what i see and think about nothing else. hahahaha. obviously, being an unemotional person is not a gd thing. life's boring.

two sides of life, the gd and the bad. it's up to you, which side do you want to look at. look at the bright side of bad things, and feel that those bad news are not bad news at all.

two sides of life, to be or not to be emotional. well, for me, i could choose to be emotional or not. to be emotional, care about everything and let things get into the heart. let things in and feel them.. those things will make me either happy or sad. not to be emotional, care about nothing, seems like i care, physical actions, but then the heart feels nothing or do nothing. but then, not feeling anything, life will be boring. no sadness or happiness. but then, you won't feel hurt. Hurt, or not be hurt. to live boringly, or happily.

Before:

After:

Looks like a totally diff dog. sobs...sobss... so sad!!!! omg. my tears start flowing!!! omg. my cute cute girlgirl become like that!!!! wahhhh!!! wah!!! just let me cry!!! wahhhh!!! waaaahh!!!!

wha lao!!! i really cry lor!!! she become so ugly!!!!

a lady, came to take her away this morning. sobsss. sobss. and girlgirl is reluctant to let her carry and hug my mum tightly... omg.. so sad. so sad. and when the lady come that time, Girlgirl bark like mad and refuse to go with her... so sad.. so sad. it's hard to live without a dog after getting used to it. it's like no point going home, to face the lifeless 4 walls? when girlgirl is gone, i hate going home. to go home without my my girlgirl to greet me and hug me. so sad.... so sad... i knew how it's like, when she got hospitalised last time, to go back home without girlgirl around.

and then, girlgirl came back home... hairless. botak. botak!!! bald. guang guang!!! and that dog that came into my house don't look like girgirl. like some shit form mars. can see that she was afraid. afraid at that grooming place. girlgirl is afraid, to mingle with strangers, let alone to a place with all strangers. and that she hate the person who groomed her, the lady. the lady sent her back and then, barked at the lady when i hugged girlgirl. lol. girlgirl is a piece of shit. why? coz, she is timid. only dared to bark when she has a backing. hahaha. everytime!!! act like she very powerful and then, bark bark bark. while she hide behind us.

2008-06-16T11:41:00.001+08:00

here to blog abt my SO-CALLED wonderful and so gooooood phone!!!

Say hi to my wonderful phone:( should say bye, dunnoe how i will survive with it for long

take note of the phone name. "sucky HP" haha. it's name

the pop-out that make it look like a digital camera

take note of the brand too, 'vaic'!!! sony is VAIO this is the cheapskate VAIC!!!

crappy phone. china phone... no offence to china people, but then, this is really a china phone. lousy one!! shitty and crappy.

like shit!!! dunnoe what to say... it's just lousy!!!

IPHONE!!! IPHONE!!! hope it comes to me soon....

2008-06-15T12:17:00.001+08:00

Merlion. whateva. i think myself as a gd photographer. lol. but then, the truth in NOT!!! hahahaha. expired photo.

she gives that pathetic face.

eat like siao. she loves eating plain porridge.

yummy..

she will look up and take picture one leh.so cute rite? so cute!!!

she look pathetic wearing that thing

lol. heehe. she is going to shave botak on tues. hahahahaha. her skin suck!!!

and jia ying came over to study. yesterday. lol. she called and i was like "huh? huh? i still sleeping... huh? orh.."

at first i reject then i called her again hahahaa. and studied chem!!!

"come... come... i need yr blood!!!"

'chemistry!!!!"

lol. then i went orchard!!! and ended my shopping till all shop closes. lol. and shopping with my mum abit sucky. she always blur blur one. then ask her things, very hard to get attention one lor. omg. and she abit siao yesterday. asked me to buy heels!!! omg. she usually ban.. but then.. she just ask me to buy heels!!! siao one rite? lol. but then... i couldn't get the white heels i want.... sobz. sobz. sobz. that is like so nice and comfy. sobs. she brought up the idea of going vivo. to look up for that heels. lol. she is really mad. mad..

2008-06-13T23:00:00.001+08:00

got new phone!!!

ok... but i donnoe what's the model and brand. just some cheapo china phone with lots and lots of uses

-can watch tv everywhere. (places with reception, got antenna also.)

-games, duh..

-touch screen, but then dunnoe why still add keypad.

-camera. eh, not like usual phone camera. got the lens thing that pop out like usual digital cam.

i like the part, can watch tv. heehee. lol. but then... haiz... dunnoe what to say... like, too china? that kind of high class cheapo phone. high class? cheapo? whatever. whateva.

shitty. also not i choose one. dad got it free from his company. lol. but then... my cousin who works with my dad.. say, my dad may get an iphone 3G when it's out in singapore. but then... don't trust him. definitely choose iphone over this phone. i swear. but then, it's whether my dad got it from his company anot.

shitty. wha lao... i don't even noe how to lock this phone and freaking unsatisfied with it. fuck phone. show you pics when i find pic or take pics of it. it's crappy.

2008-06-12T17:34:00.001+08:00

Fuck

just enjoiy saying fuck. hahahaha. lol. holidays are boring!!! with that stupid sun, hate he weather.

homework. stupid chemistry. got 5 sets of exam paper. and fuck next week can't much. got school and all that stuff. lol. sucky holiday. don't feel like taking o level. sucky. get headaches. urgh!!!

and sucky me have to force myself to study in order not to feel guilty. feeling crappy!!!!

urgh!!!! screeeammmmmm!!!!!

if i don't study, i feel guilty. but then, if i study, i have headache. then how huh? wtf.

urgh!!!! fucking weather. i hate myself a and everything else

2008-06-09T21:00:00.001+08:00

ewww.

studied bio today, yesterday and last week. but then, i am still pacing around the first chapter which is like so basic and useless. how many marks can it get me? 1?

no idea why am i blogging hahaha. lol.

got to know from my mum that my house and relatives used to be close. everyone was so united and gathering for majong sessions. relative was visiting each other so often. i used to be taken care of by my grandmother, the only person that would stop me from crying when i was young. even those cousins which seems to be so distant actually used to be close.

my chinese name was picked by my cousin. she is like so freaking old, 40++? and she can easily bluff herself as 25 and people will surely believe. used to play with her son and others. catching and running around, sparkles and candies.

my english name was picked by my aunt.

yah, my names not picked by my parents. heehee. but maybe that was the most my relative could do for me in this life time. maybe it is...

ha..

family gatherings does cheer me up. i love the crowd. to fit in the tiny 3 room flat with so many close ones. the warmth, like everyone was someone i could lean on and cry, or that everyone was someone who could give me a lift in life. but everything was just so short-lived, eat and shit and everybody leaves.

i do envy my cousins. they grew up closely together, when my grandma could still cook and everybody goes her hse every friday. those adults play majong. the kids play and run about. those family gatherings everyweek. how i wish it could still continue. never have a chance to feel how is it like, to have close cousins around, growing up together. but then... i was born when everything has just ended.

my grandma... loved her. she is 90+++, so frail. each time i visit her, her voice goes softer. worried that she would leave me. breaking the peace i am in.

2008-06-09T12:47:00.001+08:00

and for friday... last friday. they got to vivo to make a bear for amanda's birthday:)

munana. her name is Yammuna. hahahaha. but munana sounds nicer. hhee.

Machine to fluff up the bear!!

Bear got dressing room. so gd rite. hop i have one too. omg.

Turtle shell on his head. pathetic.

dresses for the bear. so cute rite? omg.

Handbag and sunglasses for bears? hee.

bikini for bears. jiaying wish to buy one for her dog. lol. but dogs has so many many nipples. hahaha

shoes.

urm... ya, jia ying also wished to buy this. imagine, the dog whole body with the husk, coz got so many nipples to cover.

2008-06-09T12:25:00.001+08:00

went to amanda's party last saturday!!! woo... at coldrock, ICE CREAM CAFE. gonna put on weight. duh. ice-cream leh. so soooo fattening.

present for the b'day girl!!!

the 2 cat woman. beware of claws.

Carol the pathetic

Jaclynn the farmer:) lol. but jumpers cute wat.

@ Coldrock

Nic in my heels. Not clear, but damn funny when he walk.

Bastard yuqi, spolit our pic lor. our chio face, then pops a stupid yuqi.

monstrous 3. Carol, alvin and me.

The emo me.. but look more like i got stuck.

amanda!!! yeah.. make tons of wishes

wow, CAKEFIGHT!!! eh, behave in public places la. lol. like i did.

me, carol and yammuna the hair model. her hair more than 1 meters long le.

our constipated face.

hahahaha. freaking happy during the party. and something happier before the party, I SCOLDED SOMEONE!!!so happy bout it. but have no idea why.

2008-06-08T10:37:00.001+08:00

so disappointed.

wish that i won't be able to wake up forever. i woke up this morning... so disappointed. the start of a new day. to keep up with the pretence, to be positive, to be happy, to be the ME that i could never be.

wouldn't it be good if i sleep and sleep and never be able to wake up? wouldn't it be good? to be always in the dark world. to be there.. forever, and never see the sun. i knew i wouldn't miss the sun. i knew so well. i would be happier staying in the dark. the vacuum, nothing is there, no gases, no living, nothing.. just nothing. no problems. won't know anything, wouldn't be worried. JUSＴNOTHING.

Nothing...

the empty. how i wish to go there, the empty space with nothing but darkness. won't have to worry about studies, people, myself, my life, money, love, and what to eat next. won't have to worry about anything. just let me go to the world with nothing in it.

2008-06-07T11:17:00.001+08:00

my parents seriously don't understand me.

they don't know that i could resist temptations since young. they don't know.

they don't know that my stomach have to take light stuff and not those greasy. oily stuff. oh pls. those oily stuff gives me indigestion and gastric. and then, they want me to take those stuff early in the morning. and they tried to temp me using duck drumstick .i won't fall for that. ha!!

obviously, who am i? since young, i am able to watch them eat chicken rice and i have instant noodle. i am a person who sacrifice food for everything. almost everything.

they don't know that their daughter have gastric and that she can't take heavy meals these days. they just don't know. they claim they understand me. if they really understood, they would know.

they do not know their daughter is sad. crying. despite that she is face to face with them and they still do not know that their daughter is crying. they just adds on to the stress she is feeling now. how sad.

they talk to me in the manner, so loud so disrespectful. when i have not said a word for the day, they just shout so loud at me.. suppose that i talk to them in a rude manner, it not.. why early in morning they just speak so loudly to me? huh?

they don't respect me. they think that kids should respect parents. not the other way round. but then, it's both. parents and kids should respect each other.

respect the fact that i have something important to say to my friend and not come into the room without knocking the door. huh? they just came in.. i lock the door and they scold me. but then, their fault rite? they are the cause. i am the effect of them. why am i this way.

2008-06-06T19:36:00.001+08:00

i am sad.

really sad. some truth that i can't take it. too much for me.

how sad can i get? till i pop those pills and kill myself. i want no one to leave me. i want myself to be happy, but sometimes, things just go the way i want it to be.

i want to be vet or be in the pet's trade. i want to have a good and happy relationship that people would admire. i want someone to take care of me. i want to move out of my house. i want my brain's to be as smart as einstein's. i want to be a supermodel. i want to be a celebrity. i want a rich boyfriend. i want to be free of troubles. i want to lead a peaceful life. i want to be happy. i don't friends to leave me one by one. i don't want to live in this world

but then.. life don't go my way.

i can never make to a 10 pointer to joint that course. i am ugly and single and nobody wants. i have no one to take care of me 24/7. i am unable to move out of my house. i am born stupid. i am fat short and ugly. i am broke, poor and pathetic with no talent. i have no boyfriend. i have so much worries and troubles. i do not have a peaceful life, i have too many obstacles. i am sad. my friends leave me one by one. i am born to live in this world.

people are never who they want to be. well... people reading this will say, 'stupid jaclynn, if you always want to be someone you want to be you will never be happy. just accept the fact, and live a happy life.'

but then, the truth could not be accepted so easily.

it's not easy. it's really not easy.

would be a life threatening thing if people leave me again, i will kill myself. simply had enough of people leaving me. just hate it. people leaving me, can't see them anymore. have to miss them. and i hate the feeling of missing people. i hate it.

2008-06-05T16:19:00.001+08:00

did not go for remedial today!!! lol. yeah!!

but lame shit i slept through till like 11am which is when the remedial ends. zzz.

took my medicine 2 instead of 1. Normally 1 will send me to super deep slept, and 2 just sent me to super-super deep sleep and can't even sit up when i woke up. and then, slept.... like nobodies's business.

hahaaha.

koizora..

watched and read it.

reading the story is better than the movie. so much better.. the movie cuts off lots of parts of the book which is like some of the touching scenes or events. lameshit one.

i cried lor... so terribly, while reading the book. it's true story, and unlike those soap stories, most of the events and stuff and very unexpected like our own life. but i hate the graduation part, it's like... we are gonna go through the same thing very soon too.

2008-06-03T17:53:00.001+08:00

currently in the very emo mood.

hate being alone at times. hate it.. hate cooling down, settling down.

when i am busy or playing netball, i don't think of those things, those that upsets me. those that set me to the emo mood, those that makes me wanna cry.

hate it.. being busy makes me stop thinking about those things. those, that i hate. those...

just those things. how do i put it?

am i alone? am ? yes... most of the time. even when eveyone's at home, i still feel alone.. no one talks to me, and i talk to no one. hahaahahaha.

my parents thinks that being TOGETHER as a family means physically together. they never knew... that their daughter is away despite physically home. they never knew.

and that, most mums knew their daughter well. very well, she thinks that she knows me, but she doesn't... the fact is that no one knows me.

when i tell things, like every daughter would... about school, guys i like. she listens but don't understand. she would blame me when i am in an argument with my friend, when that friend is wrong. so wrong, that people use their butt sense would also know that it her fault. but then she would blame it on me. she would blame it on me, that i have bad temper, that i can't accommodate. i knew i have. but then, obviously it's that person's fault, she still try her stupid reasons that it's my fault. this happens everytime. i hate talking to her. about those stuff. and never will i tell her again.

when i feel so upset, feel so bad, feel so angry. just want to let my steam, but then, all she does is to blame me. made me more upset. i want to speak and reason, she cuts me off. never have the chance to explain. NEVER. she just carries on. they never heard me.

i like that variety show, laugh along to funny times, watch movies and cried. she just thinks of me as childish and crying in front of something not real. well... she never cry. only once in my life i saw her cry. she cry once every ten years means i have to do the same thing too? huh? huh? i want to express myself as and when i like. and now, hate watch sob sob movies with her. with her around, i can't cry. she scolds. have to suppress my tears when i watch. wat's the point? watch and make myself uncomfortable. huh? ahahaha. trying to suppress those tears is uncomfortable, so shitty feeling. haha.

towards family members, i should be able to express myself as and when my self make myself comfortable around them. but why? why? why do i have to supress those tears when with them. they make a big hoo-ha about me crying. and i never cried in front of them.

ha.

and they sure do not know how money means to me. maybe my dad kinda understand now, that i only looks for him when i need money. ha!

he think that taking away my money would stop me from going. no.. when i go out, i could be able to not spend a single cent. so.. what's the point? he thinks that taking away my saving is alright, perhaps as an punishment. but no.. if he really takes... i would really kill myself. really... anyone who touches my money who eventually be the murderer. fuck him. money is so bloody important to me. ha!!! i save and save, just to make myself feel safe. no idea why, but having money around me makes me feel safe. ha.. even if i knew i would not spend money, i will still bring plenty of money. i will feel safe.

that hurts me.. they think that they can take the money as and when they want. ha.. no..no... no way man.. they think have given me those money, they can take back. but don't they just get it? huh? even so.. they have given me money for lunch, but i often sacrifice lunch to save, or eat plain porridge. it's the process of saving. it's not the money, the sweat and pain for me to save. they just don't get it. that's why those money are important to me.

2008-06-03T16:50:00.001+08:00

omg... today is the day when we get to go home early!!! yeah... lol.

crap, but not making use of my time well.

fuck those bitches.

those bitches, the more i am closer to them, the more i know them, the more i understand them, the more i HATE them.

really... really sucky people around me... i no longer trust who i used to trust, no longer.

i use the word BETRAY...

fuck that bitch. who the hell... i won't tell.

who could i trust.. almost no one. i trust yee lin, could tell her everything, but she is not here. she is not by my side.

who are the people i could trust? who?

even though that is not a big thing, but still... that almost jeopardize my relationship with someone. and hey... even something minor said, that could jeopardise people's relationship.. and it's never minor anymore. and fuck those bitches.

how i wish to punch their face each time i see them.

the more i know a person, the more i hate him. each time, you know more about a person, you know more about his goods and bads. hahahaha. yes. but some, their bads could be accepted. Some, i could never tolerate it. Because, the good in them could never make up for the bad in them.

~~fuck those idiots~~

yes.... that big phrase i need to emphasise.

hahahahahaha.

can't even keep those things that should not be said. eh, common sense la. DUH, never use yr brain meh? huh? huh? as part of tanglin secondary school, we are all literature students, must be good in common sense.

no one's gd.

2008-06-01T22:40:00.001+08:00

urgh.. wasted my weekend. always and without fail.

i hate myself.

can do revision, study and wateva. but i waste it. unknowingly.

always. ALWAYS!!!

just wake up at 12pm, ate breakfast.

then, pack up my room.

then eat lunch. at 3 pm.

took 3 hrs to pack my room. duh. so messy. and i packed my memories, my baobei stuff.

my letters, old diary, photos, presents from friends, everything...

hahahaha. read all my letters and diaries. well, reading my past.

i miss my friends. all of them.

our outings, our dates, our movies, our dinner, our small talks. every thing. all... who is there to save me?

save me from sinking... sinking into my memories...

i am unhappy now... obviously.. i laugh, but never feel it. the real happiness thing.

when i'm happy in the past, my heart feels light. so much lighter than how i feel now everyday. what's that stone? that stone in me? that stone which made me feel so unhappy. it's too heavy for me and trying to support it, prevent it from sinking further. It's tedious.

i am tired. tired of everything. i care less bout people now. used to cry whenever people cry, used to feel angry when people provokes me over little things, used to be so emotional that i cried every night for that incident and the old HIM. but now i just don't...

ignore people when they are angry, ignore them if they cry, ignore them if they are fucked up. just let people do what they want, let them cry, let them kill themselves... that's their business, not mine.

i cry lesser now. have no idea why. but then, that doesn't mean anything. how i feel when i am laughing is ten times worst than how i feel when i cry. i laugh along with the others, but the heart doesn't follow and be happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------

there's school. school. from 8am-5pm.

but what do they know? those teachers... they only know how to create the timetable. they work for those few hours. but we, have many many teachers.

and as a student, i just study aimlessly. just study, and sleep, eat, shit. each day past so fast.

my life is like a F1 racer car. but without brakes, and heading to a dead end. if i turn, i hit a tree and die. if i continue, i will die too, and crash onto dead end.

2008-05-31T17:46:00.001+08:00

i am becoming a freak. lol.

the result of taking too much subjects when i can't. i used to buy music, plenty. i used to be very emotional, very.. but now... i am left with nothing. nothing!!!

just study, sleep and play. have nothing to care about, not nothing... just that i don't care if i should actually care.

2008-05-30T23:05:00.001+08:00

URGH!!!!

8-5 life isn't for me. it makes time past so fast that i am simply clueless what has happened these days.

and one week of remedial has past!!! yeah. and have to go for my dental check up tml. omg. can't wait for my doc to clean those retainers. yikes. badly stained by some chinese medicines. eww.

hahahaha.

and wow. tired, super tired. played netball. the usual people. hahahaha. i so proud of myself today leh. omg. my shots went in. lol. kinda stupid but hey,a person who rarely shoots and even if shoot the ball will not go in one. then suddenly, got so many many goals. obviously happy la. hehee. lol.

but fuck... so tired. i hate myself. get so hyper and never be able to stay still. but, once i stay still, my butt will never leave the chair, bed, floor, toilet seat.

2008-05-27T21:29:00.001+08:00

My holidays sucks. well.. i am quite prepare for it, it still sucks.

sit there for like so long, butt pain lor. 3hrs straight. siao. one subject. siao one.

and i freaking gained 3 inches horizontally, just because i was too happy for 1 week. ! pathetic weak. pls lor, i was like losing those fats during exam period, and after exam... enjoy life and gain weight. well... well...

stupid. and i hate myself. go for liposuction asap.

people try to coax, say that lipo is bad. when is goes awry, the blood mixes with the fats or some sorts of stuff. but still, lipo is my dream.

eh, i rather die ugly on the operation table, than to live ugly.

that's part of my life. i have enough of not being able to fit into clothes nicely for most of my life. who cares about being fat? i just want to fit into clothes nicely. but then being fat does not enable me to fit into clothes nicely, so i care about being fat...

hahahahaha

and my life is so boring. so... soo... boring. asked to write about events(special) spent with family and relatives. well.. nothing much other than those routine. like praying ancestors, CNY, granny's b'day. i only to get to meet them those days. woah... woah... is this still called as relatives? relatives, just related by the same surname and that our parents came out from the same person's vagina/womb. and knew nothing about each other other than those facts and figures about each other.

and worse, family. my dad never wants to go out. like go out as a family to fairs, shopping centre, explore singapore and stuff like that. lame rite? and all this years without my uncle from my mother's side, i will never been able to visit cool places. never knew how east coast park really looked like. and yes.. how the sea looked like until i was in p3? singapore is so small, everywhere is sea and yet i never knew how it looked like till i was so old. he was never stingy with us, offered to pay for meals when we go out together. usually with his family, my mum and i. i appreciated that. loved that. but then, things changed. i am never able to communicate with them, never played this few years. never exchanged words anymore.

for how long i have not been cycling with them. racing. and speeding against cars by the road whether we could travel as fast as those cars. hahahaha. those happy times that will never come back to life again, they are just good for nothing memories. remember them, just because i am selfish, making use of them. going out, laughing, joking, games...

well.. maybe i've grown up, they've grown. we tend to think differently.

and my dad don't like to bring me out. he just likes to go out alone. to his fishing khaki, drink and talk about crappy stuff. he never brings us out and yet doesn't like us to go out. who does he think he is? trap us by his side, my mum is an adult he has no right to show discontentment when she goes out. and when we go out with my uncle, he is so bloody unhappy. since he does not want to take the job of having family day, then someone else will do it for him. isn't it rite? he has no right to show discontentment when we go out with him then!!!

when my uncle comes to visit us, like fetching my grandma and CNY. that bloody idiot gives that stupid face. stupid fucking face. to them... to them, they have brought his wife and daughter out and spent so much money on them. yet, he is giving that fucking attitude to show that he don't like. when mum thinks that we should repay or stuff like that, she invites them for lunch. and he was unhappy about this too. hey, our treat to them is to repay and thank them. why does he have to give attitude? and what's worse? mum fork out her own money. not a single cent is his. why is he unhappy? shouldn't he be thankful?

he just have that thought, we love them more then him. just being jealous. but what right does he have to feel that way? can't he think? can't he? he should think that even we love them more than him is what he deserves. he don't bring us out. he is just plain selfish, want us to company him, stay at home, company him when he has beer at cheapskate beer at hawker. and all those drunk old fucking dirty old man ogles at fat people like me.

eh.. those old man stoop so low to look at fat and ugly. and those old saggy breast of an 55++ yr old beer promoter.

fuck.

and what? my mum was super over suspicious last night. she is just racist la... an indian guy, as told by her was ogling. and try to get close. but then, from what i see, she is crazy and racist. see only. what has i got to lose? i don't believe guys outside has not seen half of my breast before. let alone that indian guy. let them see for all they want. what have i got to show? i have pathetic figure, pathetic breast. hahahaha.

i've got nothing to show, nothing to hide and nothing to lose. as long those old men's fucking dirty and wrinkly penis don't get in to my vagina. i heckcare.

and my butt got touched by people zillion times, deliberate or accidental. i have no idea.just think that i lost nothing. so i don't care.

2008-05-24T17:24:00.001+08:00

my hamsters. cool rite?

my cages. not so stupid to do that, i stack them up using shelve.

my bitch checking the male rabbit out

" Baby? Are you free to go on a date tonight? Are you? Please... Please..(whines), come on.."

" Girlgirl? Are you crazy? My penis is far too small for you.. Oh wait, do you even have a vagina for me to fuck?(girlgirl is sterile) and what will our kids turn out to be? rabdog? dobit?"

i know it's not funny at all.

Girlgirl: " Nice pose huh?"

She loves peeping our neighbour's golden retriever. Male one leh.

Sleeping on the cold hard floor. She likes to make people feel that her owner bullies her. But then, too bad. The owner has proves. Just scroll up, she has a bed.

Tries her best to act smart and pretend to study when her paws can't hold even the pen.

like she just took drugs. lol. Wonder where she got her supplies.. A patrol dog as a boyfriend?

The best evidence, she stole my winnie-the-pooh carpet.

And stole my bed.

Lame enough? hahahahaha.

Mammoth, eskimos, polar bear, salmon? Ohh.. freezing. lol.

There's chinese remedial for us today. heehee. and shucks, for like 3 hrs lor. shit. then talk talk talk with jess, carol and gina. heehee.

Went home and mum actually cooked my favourite penang laksa. so nice.. wonderful.. my house got that smell, reminds me of malaysia each time she cooks peneng laksa. so nice...

2008-05-22T21:12:00.001+08:00

Blogging time!!!

Wed 21/5/08

cycled with yuduan. and jia ying walked with my dog. my bitch.

hahahahaha. and i realised something, coke is nicest after sports.

Today 22/5/08

school day. school day. tml will be last day of the term, and then... the last term, will be like 4 weeks after. where got time? siao. siao.

chills crawling. no, it's everywhere.

panicked for chemistry practical exam. siao one. i really need to cry bout. it. fuck. it's like the real exam and i cannot do it rite and get the experiment rite. pouring again and again. i need to kill myself, stupid mistakes ended up up faking the points. fuck!!!

tml is parent's meeting session... fuck

pls lor this kind of stupid grade still want to meet. and worse still my parents never understands me, and i don't wish that they do too. my dad obviously don't understand me, he is stupid. the only thing in life i admire about him is that he got a taxi driver license before he got retrenched, just in case. that the only thing. ONLY!!!

he thinks that his daughter is involved in gang and that his daughter hangs out with people who smokes and have sex in public. and he thinks that i am one of them. pls lor, even the most ah beng ahlian friends are like the guai-est of the guai-est, ah lian. fuck. and he don't trust his own daughter. what have i done wrong? what? what huh? well, maybe losing virginity at age 12 will not gain a father's trust. but, i am pure innocent lamb virgin. hahahahaahahahaha. he think that i play alot, but does he even know what i am doing? he doesn't.

my mum thinks that he knew everything about me, but then... no. i dont' talk to him, don't wish to see him. fuck. he is mad one. like he reach home at 11++ and then wish to take a look at his daughter, open her door when she's sound asleep. and say, ' just want to see you wat!!!!' but pls i don't wish to see him... he is away for a week or more but i dont' even miss him, instead, i love the absence. i love it!!!

i will talk to him. when i need his atm card. when i need money. when i beg for extra pet.

he thinks that going home late is bad. siao. what could i do? have sex from 8-12 midnight? or go drinking. as if i could enter with my stupid looks. he don't allow me to drink outside. but then he always wish to smuggle me into those above 18 and 21 places. like casino or pub. siao. and buy me drinks.

fucking idiot

hahahahahaha. he thinks that a dog is better than me. well, my dog is. my dog waits for owner to come home then hug. i don't even touch him. just don't feel like. family day, he thinks that i love my family, but no.. i care about myself. how to be independent asap. and break away. i will take degree elsewhere hopefully. and live a happy life there. married and never to come back. i don't find the need of parents, other than the financial part.

my mum thinks he is over sensitive. kinda hate him at time(my mum). a person who is to live with him voluntarily doesn't really like him. let alone someone who is forced to by genetics.

2008-05-19T22:14:00.001+08:00

Fuck

calling early in the morning talked to my mum. and flaunt how well her PRECIOUS daughter has done well for exams. well.. flaunt all you can, how well yr daughter has done for her exams. do you have to call early in the morning? do you? DO YOU?!?!? oh pls, my mum haven't even knew abt me getting back my results. and that idiot just called in and spoilt my day. my wonderful vesak day holiday. freaking asshole. freak!!!

talk about everything under the sun but do you have to flaunt your daughter's result? huh? do you? don't make me scream. then my mum comes to me during breakfast.

'eh, how was yr exam? score very lousy rite? huh?'

fuck!!!

dad adds in ' play lor, all you know is to play. play!!!'

WTF

mum: ' sms all day rite?'

WTFH

Freaking hell!!! i sms, just to ask and help people about exam stuff. pls lor.. my msg counter is like pathetic 157 since mths ago... pls... plsss.

oh the freaking hell!!!!

yah... then told her my results lor.. then i haolian my chem. :) only subject that i made improvement in. then she say

'never get A huh?'

What the freaking fucking hell.

omg

improvement good enough liao still want A? fuck.

she just know how to scold, blame and give crap like dad. but then, have they ever knew how i ever felt?

i haven't gotten an A for anything, i am sad.

i failed 3 subjects. one of it which i loved.

i feel sad. clear enough? clear?

I DECLARE!!! I FEEL SAD!!!

2008-05-18T11:07:00.001+08:00

i am still freaking upset about not being able to get into the veterinary technology course.

....

that's like part of my life: pets:)

and the only thing i am gd in in life. i can't play the piano, can't do ballet, can't play instruments. can't handle computers or technology. not good in academic. i am only good with pets. that's my fate? to only be able to take care of pets as a interest, passion. but not be able to take it as a career?

the job opportunities... sell or whatever with pet feeds and pet equipments. oh pls... i can tell you what are each accessories are for hamster and rabbit. and dogs... i am currently moving on and try to be good in it. i just got my dog what!!! or work with AVA... or get degree.. be vet.

wtf... wtf. ..

this is my life!!! and the choice for me is to go MI.. i think so, can't find the cut off point. and waste 3 years lor. i can't go JC. waste a year in MI. i can't go poly for vet course. waste extra 2 years in university. coz.. poly give me the exemption in uni for up to 2 years. haahahahahaha.

and will be freaking old when i completed all my studies. plus... the grooming courses i would like to take when i completes all my studies. hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha.

gd luck to myself. but i don't think this plan would work. the university part. my parents got so rich meh? scholarship, is not for me.

2008-05-16T22:58:00.001+08:00

i am unsurprisingly not studying.

and i emo-ed. sort of.

hysterically cried, shouted, screamed, whined.

VERYLOUDLY.

i got like very demoralizing grades. typing this... ok, emo mood is back. pls lor. pls...

how bad could i get? not a single 'A' not one. B4 and below. well only one B4 and i failed 3 subjects. freaking hell!!!

gd reason to cry.. no idea why. i usually don't cry.. but, just cried today. i cried because of my results. urm.. yes. i don't want to be like this,i don't want to feel stupid.

and shocking discovery!!! the course i like: veterinary technology. the course's opportunities in future, is so.. my type. YES!!! i want this course!! and the exemption of up to 2 years when getting a degree.

BUT!!! the admission to termasek poly is only by DPA. oh, GREAT!! now i really know what is the regret like... not having being involved in a CCA. my one and only course that i really really like. and my studies... don't wish to talk about it... the cut off point is 10 for that course for goodness sake. omg.

now is the time for me to regret and cry. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

wtf!!! URGH!!! my knuckles will hurt again!! punching the freaking pillow. no use, still end up hitting the wall, pillow too soft.

i shall go and bang myself against the wall...

alternate choices

get a course, i like best other than the stupid vet course
marry a rich guy, let me study overseas. or, give me money and feed me. or, let me take pet's grooming courses.

choice 2 is out. since i am ugly and nobody wants. live my life with choice 1 and live a boring and stupid. just be very sadistic with life.

2008-05-15T18:10:00.001+08:00

blog blog blog

i am mugging. lol. but most likely is 三分钟热度 always that way. and end up being good in certain subject or chapters. i need to DO WELL!!!

If only someone will know,

If only i could actually realize what is it.

Things won't be going the way they are going.

I wouldn't feel that way,

Or that someone will comfort me.

2008-05-13T20:35:00.001+08:00

My four days of SHOPPING CRAZE ends!!!

sobs.. sobs

so sad.

spent like lots and lots of money.

but... i cleared most my things in the list. instead of heels i brought pumps. clutch, i can't and didn't look for one.

well... AT LEAST I GOT 4TH VOLUME OF MY FAVPOURITE BOOK!!!!

love. love.

and well, i slept like a log last night. duh. 4 days, go out everyday and reach home only at night. well...

and took a nap just now, still slept like a log. dreamt of me playing netball with weird people around. i am already so tired. and still ran like mad in dreams. hahahahaha.

2008-05-10T22:56:00.001+08:00

~~EXAMS~~ ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!!

YES!!!!!

officially, but not mentally!! the real one's O levels.

slack slack

Brought pink pumps from tangs at vivo. lol. it's cute!!! and jia ying commented that she will call me DOROTHY if i wear that. lol. she say it's doll-like. lol. but people like me wearing it will make it bitch like or freak-like. lol.

heehee.

2008-05-08T17:03:00.001+08:00

i hate caring for people it's stressful.. i am tired:(

there's nothing like a happy ending in world. there isn't. life is never peaceful. never.

only if the world is made up with nothing but bare and plain. then there will be peace? we live, eat and shit. for what? wha't the purpose of existence. to study? to learn things? no. you study and learn. but when you die, you end up with nothing. nothing, yr body is useless. and we die. and we cease to exist.

shopping craze!!! i am so looking for it!!!

but life's upset for me. i hate worrying about those things, graduation, finding a job, having a second dog. i hate gradution, hope that we could press the A-B repeat button on the remote. and our hectic life continues and repeat and never end. never wish that day to arrive. NEVER!!!

well, i am a loner. i prefer to go out for shopping craze alone, prefer to eat alone, prefer to live alone, prefer to sleep alone, prefer to study alone, prefer to be ALONE!!! yes.. being alone is so... gd. i need not to worry about people, need not to take care of them, need not to worry what i've said has hurt someone. but the society is created this way, we have to rely on teachers to teach us, rely on bosses to give us jobs, no one can survive alone.

i love my friends. duh. duh. if you don't like then, why friends. duh!!! siao. emo, hysterical and many many sorts of feelings.

2008-05-07T17:22:00.001+08:00

super bored....

bored..

exams!!! two more papers that i care to knock down!!! yeah!!! yes!!! yes!!! then shopping, makeup and drink. my dad doesn't care if i drink, as long that there is no important stuff the next day. when i drink outside, he just say, get caught never mind. lol. then he warn me, don't drink wif yr friends outside hor!!! get caught not my prob. lol. freaking dad.

exams will be over soon!!! yes. what did i heard? "OVER!!!" and some serious mugging will be back after my shopping craze. as if it would end. lol. lol.

and bio. BIOLOGY!!! siao... cramming all that stuff into my head. cram!!! cram!!! cram!!! information overload!!!

shopping craze. i love you!!! here i come!!! here i come!!!

list...

white heels.
heels for casual wear.
hair accessories.
eyeliner or kohl pencil
dress.
handbag(simply bored of mine)
clutches. (must, i need them soon!!)
bitchy stuff
a boyfriend
plenty plenty of novels!!! plenty!!!
girl's present (a friend)
diary. (mine is super torn apart)
mum's present.
gastric pills
new scent
makeup base
foundation? (too tan for the old one)
materials (mat-terials, teacher in school pronounce like that)

2008-05-05T18:51:00.001+08:00

Ah long pte ltd song. nice lor.

it's kinda cute? or wat? just another stupid song which i like.

EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS

tearing all my hair out. and mugging. not really. just slack my way through. enjoy before doomsday(getting back results). my mum simply hates me and think that i am lousy. Why?

She ask:'Admath 考到怎样? fail 的啦!!!'

omg what kind of freaking mother is this? but really lor. i lost 50 marks. -50 from 80. there goes my movie and nachos. lol. like i even care. siao!!!

8 more freaking papers to go. not exactly, 5 for me. coz the 3 i don't care. heehee.

i am blogging. yes. blogging. OMG!!! BLOGGING!!!

wasting time again. heehee. but bored what. i get to sleep so easily but find to hard to wake up. yes. coz i am too lazy. just off the alarm and sleep back. heehee. this time surely get last in class. duh. always lor. still overlap to other classes. heehee. i suck at studying.

and well.... die lor. will L1R4 of 21. well... where the hell do i go? not poly, not jc. hell. yes. or some rich guy's wife waiting to be served. heehee

ending post with a very handsome guy's pic. hyun bin.

why i like him? coz he got dimples.

2008-05-02T17:39:00.001+08:00

exams. hate it, love it.

i hate it: exams., study,study. and cramming everything in. and people mugging. burying their heads.

i love it: after it, it's holiday. relaxation. and more relaxation. movies. and girl's day/night out.

walking seems to be one coping mechanism or a way to release everything before i reach home. release all the emotions, feeling. so that i am cool headed, and not thinking bout those stuff when i reach home. and also, to prevent myself from crying. yes, it prevents me from crying. but i hate it. i hate looking like someone strong. it hurts, that kind of feeling: when you wished that you could cry, but the tap is not on. the water(tears/feeling) remains in it. nauseous, but nth came out.

2008-05-02T02:33:00.000+08:00

2008-04-28T20:16:00.001+08:00

emo.. stuff. i should not write them today since yuduan hates it for today. heehee

ok.. exams are here. I love exams. yeah!!! yeah!!! coz after that will be break. i will give myself a SHORT break. will be short ok? go out wif my hysterical twin and wild!!! siao. and then continue to mug for my urm... chinese 'o'level . hope to get A1. but for my case, die!!! if i get A1 then GREAT!!! i can slack for Addmath? or lit? or wateva. dunnoe. shit!!! crappy. just die!!! but A1 for chinese is like... (might as well take my life)

love him<3

2008-04-26T21:29:00.001+08:00

one of those happy days.

yeah!!!

my darling good friends!!

so cute rite? omg. heehee. i found out sth and started to laugh hysterically alone. heehee. WE ALL HAVE PERFECT STRAIGHT TEETH!!! AHAHAHAHAhAhAha!!!

funny rite? funny rite? say yes. heehee. bad hair day for me. duh. to school. nothing goes well for me in school one. never lor. zzz. friendship!!! omg hope that our friendship will last. sad. i noe. people will be going different ways. POLY, JC or MI. so sad. so sad. so sad. when like, well... friendship that is built up to the highest peak and when we are so close. then, we have to separate and go different ways. and having difficulty to meet each other, difficulty to accommodate each other's time. and we see less and less. and everything ends. those are eventually just memories of my secondary school years. and by the time friends really have time to meet each other, they became strangers. so unfamiliar, they changed we changed. and never to be able to talk about the same topic anymore. so sad rite? yah. duh. duh. sad. when friends became strangers. when people change. i may change to a whore when i grow up. no one could predict the future.

well... what if one of us die? well, people like me who does careless cycling when i grow up. and that when friends did not talk to each other for a long time, decides to meet and talk about everything that's happening to their life and then...one just pass away. before meeting her friend whom she has not meet for along time. never got a chance to tell her who's her newest crush. never got a chance to tell her about her life. never get to hear how her friend missed her, never get to hear how her friend loved her. and then pass away alone. that's why.. never die, save yr life by staying in a box. and not do anything. you will be safe.

MISS yeelin tan bitch. lol. siao.

2008-04-19T22:15:00.001+08:00

Some RIDICULUS pics from yuqi b'day party. from last friday? or last last? wateva. i forget. main point: simply expired photos. stale.

The second last one. well... jin try to act like he is being hanged. scary.

and the last one. well.. juz in case you guys miss BABY!!! look pathetically like a cat in this pic.

2008-04-18T22:33:00.001+08:00

egg first or chicken first?

why do human exist in the first place? well, explain to me in the non-religious way.

but why? human exist? to cause global warming or indirectly destroying the earth with the advance technologies? weird.

exam suxks. and sure i won't do well. i do not have the time, no longer have the time. to work things out neatly, or to practice those challenging questions. but only to memorize and apply formulas at this rate of studying. netball, netball after school with those smart people who has already do their revision and is always prepared for any exams. well. i am the stupid one still playing. duh. i play.i love to play.and a person who doesn't noe how to prioritize her work and play. or what kind of work which is more important. give me a test now, i will flunk it. duh. same goes to mid year. die there. and pick up after that when people are doing chinese O's and slacking during their mid year holidays.

but at least, i feel happier. happier. got friends to play around with. and not be at home facing the boring four walls and unhappy grumpy people around. well. their tone sucks. suck!!! why do they insist? even when i said "no" twice. and get me so fucked up. no means no. why insist? make me repeat and fucked up. then blame me. and that i treat them like they owe me.

well... i have an EQ of 97 and average is like dunnoe what. the percentile for mine is 30% and 37% at two different types of test...so accurate. shit. omg. omg. but at least that was great. i don't need to understand so much emotions and make myself feel sad. and i that i might used to have high EQ in the past. cause i don't feel emotional as before. well... i simply don't care. the result of studying too hard.

2008-04-16T19:58:00.001+08:00

tony yeoh pls use this freaking pencil box. it's better than the stupid zebra which is badly vandalized.

today's geeky day. or nerdy.

nicholas.c brought his super old geeky specs. and unsurprisingly people made a joke out. he worse. still button his shirt. lol. all the way. and joshua. the more idiotic one. took his bag. some guy's bag and books. like one perfect guai kid. which is an irony. coz. he is neva guai. pls. even the most seem to be obedient kid is defiant. hee.ee

jia ying made a bow tie. well. big one. and well. stupid. played netball after ss remedial. heehee. which is totally... well. 3 guys above 180 against all girls. lol. i noe i am jeopardizing my studies. i clearly know that. well. zzz. someone rich pls marry me.

this is no joke. that my goal in life. someone rich just marry me. no love neva mind. as long i still get my own freedom. and a marriage which only provides me with financial security. well. i will love that. if you don't want me to suffer any longer. come propose to me asap if you are rich. definitely accept.

2008-04-13T22:59:00.001+08:00

my new shoe

my ugly set of teeth,before braces, the so-called big tooth.

boring sunday. and surprisingly i always plan to finish my super expired deadline homework but never got a chance to touch them. well. yesterday, chem focus. and slack the whole day. or half. then mum said, " let's go queensway and buy shoe" then today. she wants me to go pray my never-seen-before grandfather. and went there almost for nothing. pls lor. my generation the people not one is there. even if they are there, they just sent their mum and left to have fun. lol.

the sun, the never ending traffic. and the never ending bustrip. lol . then do hw, so tempted to watch the handsome guy on channel u at 2.00pm. then did my hw slowly while watching. after watching, mum said," let's go for dinner at kallang" shit her. her birthday ma.. lol .shitty. then worse, travel so far just for dinner. then they don't even allow me to have a game of bowling. or to ice-skate. then i play basketball lor. lol. arcade. then lose 4 dollars. always game over. then haiz... don't talk abt it. so embarassing. lol.

then went back home. and do up physics which neva complete. and then, drank beer. from dad. who never stops me from drinking. lol. he don't care one lor. but disagrees that i drink outside. but then, even if i do naughty things outside, they don't know. i tell them about my trips when i go out. but then, some things are always not said.

hee. heee.

love girl girl. miss yeelin tan tan. eggy. lol. she rocks. well. even though she is not a statue. heehee

2008-04-09T20:25:00.001+08:00

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!

well. is that the only in the teacher's dictionary? then want us to have remedial after remedial. then when do we have the time to actually sit down for our studies. huh? or to polish up our weaker areas?

remedial is a waste of time. why? coz the lesson with 39 students. the message is harder to get across. a lesson which might lasted 30mins may last 1.5hrs? huh? then waste time. lol. crappy.

school sucks. o levels creeping up. oh dear.

2008-04-04T20:35:00.001+08:00

watched 2 romantic movies... 13 yo 30 and 27 dresses. well. i noe i am lacking... but at least i watched them rite? lol.

could life be like that? when you go to the future and then go back and undo the mistakes? well.. obviously not. lol. if there is.. the world would be in peace and harmony. no more crazy things around. lol.

studies!!! studies!!! 'o' level is creeping up.. unknowingly it's APRIL!!! and well... how? how? how!!!! a desperate how? i thought yesterday was just january. yikes. life sucks. chem focus tml. lol. bored me to death.

2008-03-31T15:56:00.001+08:00

I love you... 永远都不放弃爱你的权利。

Sounds familiar? lol. heehee. obviously not by me. and i re-read the 天使街23号. So.... nice. will want to continue reading one lor. got 5 volume. heehee. and touching neh. will cry. I cry terribly for every volume. and so... nice. sweet!!! plus romantic songs to go along... CRY MORE TERRIBLY.

Boring day... I studied Chem test... lol. surprising. so-so surprising. like, i am suddenly interest in the subject i hate most. now, the subject i hate most is physics. the subject which i like most in the past. cause... i don't understand and refuse to find out more. or even put my heart and soul in it.. but still, studying is never the thing i liked to do in life most. I want to go Globetrotting!!! and bring girl girl along.. and buy a house or land in a beautiful country and fufill my happily ever after with my animals. hehee. but is there even happily ever after in this world?

watch Enchanted to understand more.. heehee.

2008-03-30T10:00:00.001+08:00

Achiever's day... urgh. boring!!! duh. Amanda, clement, yuqi were. emcees. lol.

and well. someone in this school is a super duper hypocrite. say that i got only 1/25 for my assignment then weakest link in class. then wat? and after achievers day thingy, we got some balloons from the decorations. and she want. i was holding 2 one's gina's. then... she approach from behind. touch me, so gently, and asked"may i have one?'" ewww. ewww. who the hell will want to give her... who? who? well some bitch who i always hate. she was a hypocrite too. so that worked well together.

hahahahaha. so funny. yikes!!!

2008-03-27T20:24:00.001+08:00

my new status. as "THE IRRITANTS" together with jia ying.

heehee. lol. we succeed in irritating jonathan for 20 mins? heehee. then he got distracted. well. we got new targets. heehee. lol. and wow. jonathan's patience is almost inlimited. he did not flare lor. heehee. lol.

and i prepared sandwich for recess. a great way to slim down, save mony and AVOID MAGGOTS!!! eewww!!!

and tml's achiever's day. then go out before that!!! this year is so... no air-con. in our own stupid school hall. and... well... everything will not be as grand as before coz in school. heehe.

and i want my own tattoo!!!! . heehee. flowery pattern on top of feet and dog bone on the ankles. heehee. nice lor.

2008-03-24T16:53:00.001+08:00

School's over!!! dang. more homework. that's the difference between an adult and child. a child have to work til midnight with those test and workbks. whereas, an adult just go home to slack after a day's work. well.. most. and they insist that childhood is the best time in life. omg... pls. that's your childhood... yr childhood. and people like don't even have a proper childhood lor. i study so hard. oh dear. and don't even get the chance to go out to play with other kids. just me and thoe toys. that limited my imaginations.

i hate school. i want go out!!! i want to buy my fairytale... the book lor. 天使街23号。so good. cause... the guys are like angels lor. angels lehs. and will there be happily ever after? the answer is no. NO. N.O. no no no. not in this 21st century.

2008-03-22T18:19:00.001+08:00

heehee. pathetic girlgirl went for her trip to clinic. omg. she has to be hospitalized. sobss. she need to be put under anaesthetic lor. and by just letting the doc touch her make her cry, then hug me tightly. omg. then let her stay there for one day? worse. and worse still she is undergoing deep ear cleaning. sad. and letting her stay at a stranger's place for one day... sobss. and thank got she is alright when we fetched her from the clinic. and she so happy. heehee. but.... her asshole very dirty leh.... and lao sai... yikes. and worse. my dad got to pay 300 plus. omg. if my mum would let me go earlier then don't need she much money and pain for her. sad...

before fetching her, sports day was a disaster!!! aspen not enough runners and got super lousy rank. haiz. then well.... every thing was not as grant and as beautiful as last few years. no vip. no addressing to kick off the event. and haiz... got pranked. heehee. and prove that i have not been using my emotional skills lately. they got rusty. heheee.

and good friday was nothing special!! my life!!! my life!!!!

and today saturday, went to chinatown tcm for revisit. cause..... causee.... i got terminal disease. i am dying... lol. heehee.

and mum refuse to got isle. the beach or watever shop. got slippers lor. pumps and heels. the beachy wear. heee. and also nice dress. then cannot go.... cannot go.... 不可以去。。。so... i go home then grumpy grumpy lor. like grump from snow white. haiz. then pass by vivo. pass by vivo leh. also cannot go .sad sad. sadsad. thenblog here. then girlgirl slacking her time away . haiz. haiz.

2008-03-18T21:03:00.001+08:00

not studying again.heehee. with come here crapping every night then.

got english remadial. lol. crappy. so pathetic. all the 瘟神聚集在一起. omg. thank god. change teacher. and separate to groups. and left one 瘟神. heehee. hahahahaahahaahahahahahahahaaha.

i love myself. but hate my mother. she stuck cooton ball in dog's ear. then what? CANNOT TAKE OUT!!! ass hole. kill. her. i hate her.

and fucking dad is unreasonable. as always. what? i say too late ask him not to bring dog out. then? he shouted at me. what the fuck . FUCK!!! and that he banged around.. throw things and bang cupboards just to find the fucking leash. oh pls. brainless idiot. and people say 家丑不能外漏.but what the fuck. i want the whole world to know how this fucking idiot works. i don't even talk to him. and never respond even if he talks. coz... can't simply tolerate his existence. him in the house is chaotic. and noisy. his beatles music. and spitting of saliva. you know what? he doesn't even care about being day or night. do it loudly regardless whether it is 4am. fuck. and even when i having breakfast. can he do it softer? does he have to disgust me every morning? spoil my day. spoil my appetite?

and him being so unreasonable. he doesn't like to go out for shopping. but expect him to have dinner with him at the bloody hawker and drink his fucking beer. and now, my dog is his victim. he want her to company him even when she doesn't like him. reluctant to even go out with him. and he pulled her out. omg. if it was me, she would wag her tail and rush out of the house. omg. omg. he always say that " i'm not scolding you, just ...." but all end up in quarrels. or i won't be even bothered to look at him or respond. pls.. talking to me is a waste of yr bloody energy.

i am not trying to be a bad daughter. but how can i when the situation is not even right? or the father?

triple Fs. family, father, friends. trouble of my life. so i ch ose to ignore them. and... isolate myself. in my room. my computer.

my FUCKING room.

2008-03-17T16:28:00.001+08:00

every thing changed!! heehee our time table and new english teacher. no wonder...

and physics getting boring!! omg. begin to lose interest in it. and i hate myself. i copied my physics answers from the back of the book!!! omg. wat's happening to me? my favourite subject used to be physics. and now... i ended up copying physics answers and having no clue wat those three chapters are about... sad. i feel so bad. and started my timetable which i never follow. so... i will die soon . Dooms day arriving soon. in my own private world. and asking myself to forget about those dreams. those dreams is so unrealistic for me rite now. unless i do well. shit!!! so?

sigh...

and nothing could be done. there is zero percent drive in me. no drive no determination. i could never succeed. forget about those dreams. and head to ITE... it's the end. the end. everything will end. soon. unless... miracles happens. in my gloomy world. there is no dream come true.

and cheer up yu duan. i love you and always will. heehee. so mushy rite? then i shall say more... i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. heeheehee.

heehee

and dr lau is not our english teacher. manjit will be. n i have no idea who is she. heehee. so... miss solastri told carol and gina that dr lau is sad. lol. duh!!! she is sad and never have her proud days of taking 4e1. hey... and dr lau quite good want. just that she is like old stubborn woman with and KIND heart. lol. heehee. maybe i will take back my words some days... heehee. lol. and some times more well... NAGGY!!! and still she is an old woman trying to teach.. heehee. lol.

and conclusion... people pls cheer up and fred not of O levels. just test what.. heehee. and fight O levels to death!!! heehee. and win the war!! lol. and dreams come true never happens to me. heehee.. neither do miracles.

and a picture of hyun bin for you guys. perhaps a few. heehee. he is never carol's husband. trust me. unless his eyes blind. lol. a bit mean!!! :)

lol. he nice rite? lol. 184cm... got dimple. nice smile. rich. handsome. i like. but personality... don't ask me. i don't expect myself to go crazy over this guy. heehee. lol. but nice what.

2008-03-12T22:35:00.001+08:00

I will be crazy soon!!! OH MY GOD!!!

at this rate of studying and dreaming... i need 10 more years in order to graduate huh?

but... well, in this world is there happily ever after? there may be.. people get married and live till old age. or two good friends which lasted for life and took care of each other till death. shitty. but most of the time people end up in divorce, break ups and even cold war that lasted till death. and live with eternal regret. and most people would choose to live in a wonderland, fairy tales and dreams. Well, people like me. dreaming for her true love kiss? CRAZY!!! and sing, dance dreaming of her true knight or man of her life.

living in the illusion, and crying out loud just because of novels and movies. i start to hate studies and crawl to bed just after writing 1 summary. HEY!!! ONE!!!! and slept for the rest of the day. urm... failure. and killing my self at the moment with the rate of studying.

there is still loads of work!!! asshole. and well. there is only like two more days to urm SCHOOL!!! those days will be back. and the real studying and remedial!!! torturing. and i am worse off this year than before. at least i bother to make notes for my favourite subjects in the past. but for now???? can't even force my self to think that i am actually not making notes. and also producing good homework. just rush through and ignore some. crazy woman never make it to the last straw. and that me!!!

2008-03-10T21:24:00.001+08:00

omgomg... i still so angry!!! omg

the book has up till volume 6!!! omg omg.

and well..

the book is going to be a idol drama soon. and the actors and actress. SUCKS!!!

and the they totally destroyed the wonderful images i had while reading. omg.

shitty, why? of all books they choose this? huh?

and using the worse actors and actresses. omg. asshole.

and my mum spoke to someone on the phone abt my dad. maybe some close one. and my dad sucks. he hate shopping. i hate him. can't he just wait? and btw, we are helping him to look for clothes lor. omg. and we found nice ones on offer. he just stand in the middle of shopping centre, blocking peoples way. stand there give that fucking face. asshole. and refuse to move or respond when we call him. fuck him. ass hole. giving that fucking idiotic face which makes people tu lan. omg. and argued with my mum for going shopping after lunch or whatever. he just want to eat lunch and go home immediately and company his fucking tv set. omg.

and he said that he want to buy shorts, so, we brought him there. since he wants to go home early, we walked just a bit faster. so? and he accused of chionging so fast. asshole. is he crazy? yes he is!!! and he end up being fucked up and do not want to buy already. omg. what the fuck!!!

and having such a father isn't my choice. there isn't arguements around. but being fucked up on a family day out is enough. i can't tolerate such person around. and my mum complained to whoever that she is tired. obvious!!! i hate him totally!!! URGH!!! and he like to stay at home. at HOME!!! watch his bloody tv and drink his beer. wasting money every night. urgh!!! and he only likes to go downstairs for dinner. hawker center. omg. and the few food stuff around. omg .

and he doesn't want to socialise. and stuck to family want us to company him. omg. we have our own private life!!! and don't expect us to company him for the rest of his life!!! oh. dear. and worse at the hawker centre. he just want to stuck in his own world. and stuck. STUCK!!! he doesn't even step out of clementi unless for work!!! and i promise myself that if i want to enjoy myself. NEVA ASK HIM OUT!!